Back together but It doesn't happen overnight...success story!

[aftershock879]

A lot of people come in here looking for hope and I was one of them and have come back to try give adive to others who are hurting, I have to say I haven't been in here a while.

 

There are no set rules you can go by to try get back someone you lost whether it be out of the blue or there was someone else involved, I mean hell we have all made stupid mistakes in life it's up to you not to dwell on the past but look to the future, I didn't think I would ever be back with the one woman I know I love more than any other I have been with.

 

If you read my previous posts you will see I was in a dark place not knowing what to do, so you go on the internet looking for a sure fire way to win back that special person, doesn't really make you feel any better because everyone in here is looking for the same answers with the same stories where they are left hurting by someone else, and I know more than anyone that it is so hard.

 

The first thing I did and probably the hardest thing was to accept that my relationship was over, as you go through denial thinking it can't be the end, can it?

 

It has been over half a year since we split, there was no one else and it came out of the blue, and I was devastated, what made it worse is we work together, so imagine seeing someone you love everyday?now that is hard!

 

The first couple of months are the hardest you have to try to fill the void of spare time you spent with them...sucks right?

 

The one thing I never did which looking back I was proud of was I never begged for another chance, I didn't bombard her with txt's. One thing I did do which everyone probably did is think back to the things you should have done or said and they hurt the most.

 

She told me that it was over and I accepted her decision, no matter what you say or do it won't change their mind and no matter what they did or how they did it you have to respect the decision they made.

 

I stopped thinking about how she was feeling about it all and started putting myself first, then doing things to improve myself, exercise is a good way of taking your mind off things and I did just that, started running playing football seeing friends and family anything so I wasn't alone with my thoughts, that's the killer as you start to think about everything.

 

I didn't do the whole no contact thing, it might work for some but not for all, only you can be the one that will know what the best thing is to do, as despite all the good advise you get from the kind people in here you have to make that choice on what to do next.

 

We talked and even met up on occasion, didn't talk about us just acting like we were friends as that is what you are first, see a lot of people are afraid of being put in the friends zone, but if you know your ex then you can judge by the way they act. I honestly thought my ex hated me as she wasn't the nicest of people in the past 8 months but I didn't get nasty, I was always nice to her even though she called me all sorts, turns out that through everything without her even knowing she was pushing me further away, but I always thought I was doing something wrong, in the end I stopped caring and just got on with my life something she told me to do.

 

I even met someone else and got into a new relationship so life was good for me and I did a lot of things I never thought I would do, then again I got an e-mail with the same stuff saying I did this that and was acting a fool.....why because I was getting on with my life and having a good time?

 

I ignored this message, and made the choice that after 7 months it was time to cut contact for good and I was serious, I was fed up with being treated like it was me that ended the relationship and being blamed for everything that went wrong, I didn't say I was innocent and never did I made mistakes and on the times we did talk I said my short falls, but still it was not good enough, nothing I did or said was, we argued constantly and I had enough of it.

 

I was done.

 

It's strange the week I start thinking about the relationship I was in didn't feel right and was questioning my feelings...I check my e-mail for the first time all week and I have 4 emails from her, she said that she still loved me and was acting a complete idiot for the past god knows how many months, then she found out I was in a new relationship and told me she was sick that she was too late and regretted how she acted to the point where she pushed me away.

 

I always thought what would I do if she came back?I thought I would tell her where to go....but she was different I saw a completely different side to her, and we talked for hours about everything, our relationship wasn't bad we had a loving argument free relationship, then we break up and all we do was argue.

 

So we talk and talk and talk some more about what we want, how we feel, this time it was my choice where to go, I had no say in the break up........she told me things that she never told me about the future kids etc.. and I could tell she was being honest, she was so upset (this side I have never seen) she is a strong willed woman who says how it is.

 

First thing I thought is that she didn't mean what was being said, and no one can blame me for that. So I took a little time and made a decision to try again but this time we are open and honest about everything, and things have never been better.

 

In the process I had to hurt someone else, but sometimes in love you have to be selfish and put yourself first which I did, and I can say I have never been happier

 

If you want to contact me feel free, I can't put all the details on here as it would be way too long!

 

If they cheated on you, then don't go back, you deserve better than that!

 

Put yourself first and if they dumped you then DON'T feel guilty about moving on or having fun, it was their choice.....but this is your life, you live it the way you want!

 

Sometimes the unexpected happens, it did for me against all odds and I have never been happier the future is looking good, and it can for you too, just put yourself first!

[Eocsor]

Hooray, you rushed into another relationship before you were over the ex and then had to hurt someone else. Good for you for putting yourself first.

[DylanNotorious]

In my opinion, you should have stuck with the new relationship.

 

I hope you don't get hurt again.

[aulelia]

Hooray, you rushed into another relationship before you were over the ex and then had to hurt someone else. Good for you for putting yourself first.

 

I agree with this assessment. It's dangerous to just jump into a new relationship like that. You need to consider other people's feelings.

[CMS]

Seriously people, be happy for the man, the bitterness is really becoming a drag.

 

To the OP, congrats, happy for you man

[Edmund Exley]

Seriously, no one here has never dumped another person before?

 

It wasnt as if he had a marriage and kids, he dated someone for a few weeks or so, it wasnt working, the girl he loved came back and he ended it with this person. Should he have kept her on the hook and seen where it went with the ex? Should he have married the new person because he was in a new relationship and couldnt go backwards?

 

Geez....

[hausser]

Agreed cmswifty, this section of the forum has quite the choir of houlier than though sneerers lately.

 

Good on the OP, you two are still obviously deeply in love and thanks for your feedback.

[Chuck Bartowsk]

Seriously people, be happy for the man, the bitterness is really becoming a drag.

 

To the OP, congrats, happy for you man

 

Agreed! Happy for ya mate!

[Eocsor]

Seriously, no one here has never dumped another person before?

 

It wasnt as if he had a marriage and kids, he dated someone for a few weeks or so, it wasnt working, the girl he loved came back and he ended it with this person. Should he have kept her on the hook and seen where it went with the ex? Should he have married the new person because he was in a new relationship and couldnt go backwards?

 

Geez....

 

What, using someone else as a human bandaid is a good thing? He shouldn't have dated in the first place if he was going to go running back to the ex.

[Edmund Exley]

What, using someone else as a human bandaid is a good thing? He shouldn't have dated in the first place if he was going to go running back to the ex.

 

I think its pretty presumptious of you to say he "Used her as a human band aid". Nowhere did he say that, and if you read it through again, he said he had MOVED ON with no hope or even wanting to be with the ex. Read the paragraph right before he said "I was done"

 

The fact is, we all take a risk in entering any relationship, more fail than not. She took the same risk he did and this particular relationship wasn't meant to be. There are no details here that the girl he was dating felt like she was being duped or that she was heart broken by him. You all just allowed your own bitterness and heart ache to create a conclusion, and used one little detail of the story to attack the OP for going from dumped to dumper.

 

The sad fact is, people post here daily looking for "Believe it or not, they come back" stories, and the few that do arrive are generally ripped apart by bitterness.

[DylanNotorious]

I think its pretty presumptious to say that anyone who has an opinion is bitter.

 

Some people have congratulated the OP - and some people have not. It's not a crime.

[NCforME]

What, using someone else as a human bandaid is a good thing? He shouldn't have dated in the first place if he was going to go running back to the ex.

 

I'm sure he didn't do it with those intentions. Plus dating is just dating. It's not an official relationship.

[Eocsor]

I can only go by what he wrote and I quote

 

"In the process I had to hurt someone else, but sometimes in love you have to be selfish and put yourself first which I did, and I can say I have never been happier."

 

Plus he was in conversation with the ex before he and the current girlfriend were separated.

 

Yes, most relationships fail but you should at least enter them on a level playing field.

 

I always love on here when someone disagrees with the way things go down that they are labeled as bitter.

 

If this behaviour is good with you thats cool. We all have our own moral standards. I just don't agree with what was done.

[Edmund Exley]

If this behaviour is good with you thats cool. We all have our own moral standards. I just don't agree with what was done.

 

Whats good with me doesnt matter, and I dont think he came here looking for anyones approval. I think he came here to add some hope to others that sometimes reconciliations do occur.

[Edmund Exley]

In my opinion, you should have stuck with the new relationship.

 

I hope you don't get hurt again.

 

What is your opinion based on being he didnt discuss what was going on in the new relationship?

[DN]

I hope things work out for you and that the relationship will work this time. Good luck and be happy.

[DN]

Moderator Note: please do not turn this thread into an flame war.

[Eocsor]

Whats good with me doesnt matter, and I dont think he came here looking for anyones approval. I think he came here to add some hope to others that sometimes reconciliations do occur.

 

I like a good success story just as much as the next person. Just not when it comes at the expense of someone else.

[Edmund Exley]

I like a good success story just as much as the next person. Just not when it comes at the expense of someone else.

 

So he should have just stayed in the relationship that he already realized didnt feel right before the ex came back along, and foregone the chance to be with the woman he loves?

 

DN - Apologies if this comes off as a flame war. Not the intent on my part.

[Eocsor]

So he should have just stayed in the relationship that he already realized didnt feel right before the ex came back along, and foregone the chance to be with the woman he loves?

 

DN - Apologies if this comes off as a flame war. Not the intent on my part.

 

No, he shouldn't have entered into another relationship when he still obviously had strong feelings for the ex. Anyway, I've said all I have to say and I'm out. I'm sure the OP will come on to try and tidy things up but the way it's written seems pretty shoddy to me.

[Ms Darcy]

Hooray, you rushed into another relationship before you were over the ex and then had to hurt someone else. Good for you for putting yourself first.

 

I can only go by what he wrote and I quote

 

"In the process I had to hurt someone else, but sometimes in love you have to be selfish and put yourself first which I did, and I can say I have never been happier."

 

Plus he was in conversation with the ex before he and the current girlfriend were separated.

 

Yes, most relationships fail but you should at least enter them on a level playing field.

 

I always love on here when someone disagrees with the way things go down that they are labeled as bitter.

 

If this behaviour is good with you thats cool. We all have our own moral standards. I just don't agree with what was done.

 

I agree with these perspectives. My concern is that the OP is so attached to someone who clearly treated him like crap for many many months, got jealous that he was in another relationship, he went NC, and only then came crawling back with contrition. She does not sound like a winner to me.

 

I think when you started questioning the relationship with the new girl, you should have talked with her instead of going off and talking to your ex. Better yet, avoid getting into another relationship when you are not over your ex. That doesn't mean you should have stayed with her, but I suspect much of her hurt comes from your lack of communication.

 

I don't want to rain on your parade, but I do want to offer perspective from an outside perspective.

[Eocsor]

PS

I'm not saying I'm right (OK, I am ) but I think the contrasting point of view you and others have is just as valuable as anything I write. Hopefully thats what the forums are for, to provide diverse opinions and let people pick and choose what they think applies to their situation.

[Edmund Exley]

PS

I'm not saying I'm right (OK, I am ) but I think the contrasting point of view you and others have is just as valuable as anything I write. Hopefully thats what the forums are for, to provide diverse opinions and let people pick and choose what they think applies to their situation.

 

But in this case its all revisionist theory. The other relationship is over and he is back with his love. If he were debating which to chose there would be value in the debate, but at this point, the choice has been made.

 

Its unfortunate he had to break it off with someone else, but he doesnt make him a bad person, especially when his heart wasnt with her.

[Edmund Exley]

Ms Darcy - Valid points, but he didnt get into the full discussion of what happened with her. So its speculation to assume he should have done more in terms of communication.

[DN]

This is twice in as many days that someone has posted a reconciliation thread and had cold water poured on it. It seems a shame that people cannot share their successes on ENA without people being unsupportive and negative.

 

For my part I wish all concerned well.