Is it odd that my ex-girlfriend went straight to another relationship?

[rbsx]

Funny, I was skyping with my ex last week and she still had the Tiffanys ring on that I bought her.

 

This man brings up the funny intricacies of relationships.

[NeverGoingBack]

Another point worth raising that I just remembered is that she asked for space a few days after I was questioning her about how late her activities go on for...because she was spending a lot of time around this new guy... I was jokingly asking her (half serious) where she really was... If she was cheating, or just "emotionally cheating" maybe she felt I was getting too close to the truth, or realized that I'm actually right and that she's staying away from me for a reason...

[rbsx]

Another point worth raising that I just remembered is that she asked for space a few days after I was questioning her about how late her activities go on for...because she was spending a lot of time around this new guy... I was jokingly asking her (half serious) where she really was... If she was cheating, or just "emotionally cheating" maybe she felt I was getting too close to the truth, or realized that I'm actually right and that she's staying away from me for a reason...

 

Stop over analyzing, right or wrong, it is over for now. She probably doesn`t want to see you because it means coming to terms with the path she`s chosen that can`t be changed.

[just not sure]

Funny, I was skyping with my ex last week and she still had the Tiffanys ring on that I bought her.

 

This man brings up the funny intricacies of relationships.

 

the best part about the ring story is that when i left it for her, the ring was in front of the wedding band and they were perfectly straight. i go to pick up my furniture and it is still sitting on the dresser. i look at it and the positions are switched and they are crooked. she obviously put it on.

 

i ask her why she put it on and she says "i wanted to see if my fingers were any smaller...."

 

so for the last 2 years that ring has been in the same box, in the same drawer of the same dresser and she never once asked to see it. we break up and i tell her to do what she wants with it and suddenly she gets concerned about her finger size?

 

G

T

F

O

[NeverGoingBack]

I'm finished with women forever after that story. I'm going celibate.

[rbsx]

I'm finished with women forever after that story. I'm going celibate.

 

It is easier and cheaper, I will give you that. That being said I have been slaying women left right and center lately, but it lacks the emotional component which is good and bad.

[just not sure]

if you were talking about my story, i left some of the good parts out.

 

about 2-3 weeks before the BU, she bought me one of those "daily deal" type things for 50% off any purchase at GNC because i've ben on a serious diet, trying to lose weight to join the military (70 lbs in 3 months). i say thanks and she says "it's kind of like an investment in us."

 

now she's emotionally detached.

 

O RLY?

[rbsx]

if you were talking about my story, i left some of the good parts out.

 

about 2-3 weeks before the BU, she bought me one of those "daily deal" type things for 50% off any purchase at GNC because i've ben on a serious diet, trying to lose weight to join the military (70 lbs in 3 months). i say thanks and she says "it's kind of like an investment in us."

 

now she's emotionally detached.

 

O RLY?

 

Yeap, mine told me that when she bought the business she was pursuing, it would be easier to bring me to the states. DERP. 3 weeks later she is seeing someone.

 

Back to the original posters situation though, this just proves the idiosyncrasy of relationships, things change in a blink. Usually it`s because we restrain ourselves but it literally takes a half second for the bough to break.

[lemsip]

She'll probably stay with him for 6-8 months.

 

The rebound lasts for the honeymoon period usually until they find something better to do.

 

Is it technically a rebound though if she was the one who left me? I thought rebounds were only in the case of dumpees?

 

Also, I'm itching to tear into my ex for cheating on me but haven't yet. I know we've broken up and it won't achieve anything but I feel she's got off too easy. Would you do anything or just leave it? I feel like just even sending her a text saying that after 8 years her actions were sad and pathetic.

[hello678]

Is it technically a rebound though if she was the one who left me? I thought rebounds were only in the case of dumpees?

 

Also, I'm itching to tear into my ex for cheating on me but haven't yet. I know we've broken up and it won't achieve anything but I feel she's got off too easy. Would you do anything or just leave it? I feel like just even sending her a text saying that after 8 years her actions were sad and pathetic.

 

I'd leave it.

 

Its hard to face, but if she wanted your opinion she'll ask you. Showing your all upset when she's living the 'high life' isn't going to make her feel worse.

 

Also yeah it's still a rebound if they dump you for them. The term rebound is a difficult term though, if they leave you FOR someone than maybe not, but if they leave you and than jump instantly into another relationship than yeah, its filling the void.

 

Either way it doesn't matter, I guarantee the second you contact her you'll feel worse.

[lemsip]

I'd leave it.

 

Its hard to face, but if she wanted your opinion she'll ask you. Showing your all upset when she's living the 'high life' isn't going to make her feel worse.

 

Also yeah it's still a rebound if they dump you for them. The term rebound is a difficult term though, if they leave you FOR someone than maybe not, but if they leave you and than jump instantly into another relationship than yeah, its filling the void.

 

Either way it doesn't matter, I guarantee the second you contact her you'll feel worse.

 

I guess you're right.

 

And sorry for hijacking your thread NeverGoingBack, but I guess we're in the same situ - our ex jumping straight into another RL after us (10 years and 8 years).

 

During the RL I always thought she was a level headed and caring person. I guess she still is, but her actions towards the end of the break have been very uncharacteristic - she says she has become numb, feels no feelings at all. She is also very independent, so it's not like she needs a new man, which makes me think she must really like this new guy. Either that or she's almost rebelling, having some sort of mid-life crisis. I know that's arrogant and patronising of me to say that, but her actions really are so unlike her. Cheating? I mean that's not her! But I guess this is common. You hear all sorts of stories of quiet girls going wild after a breakup, or long-haired blondes cutting it all off and dying it black...

 

One thing I can say is that we never argued really in our 8 years and looking back that was a problem. She festered up her emotions to avoid conflict and it all just blew up at the end. Also, it seems like instead of taking some time to herself now to address her emotions she's just jumped straight in with him.

 

I can't help but think that one day when she's washing the dishes she'll drop a cup or something insignificant and it will trigger some sort of meltdown.

[motleylou]

Is it technically a rebound though if she was the one who left me? I thought rebounds were only in the case of dumpees?

 

Also, I'm itching to tear into my ex for cheating on me but haven't yet. I know we've broken up and it won't achieve anything but I feel she's got off too easy. Would you do anything or just leave it? I feel like just even sending her a text saying that after 8 years her actions were sad and pathetic.

 

I just went through that ex Gf cheated on me and then broke up with me before I found out. I found out 2 weeks after the breakup,how long has it been since you 2 broke up? I know how you feel I was looking for any angle to get even with her. Does she know you know that she cheated on you? Mine didn't and I knew yelling and throwing f bombs around weren't going to do any good,it's not like she told me and was looking for forgiveness then the f bombs would have flown.

 

What I did after talking to some people and thinking about it was take the high road. I called her and had her admit to it first then I said "well thanks for telling me,I'm actually not surprised at all, I'll cherish our good times and wish you luck." trust me man I know you want to make her feel terrible, and this way if she has any sort of soul she will feel bad. Maybe not right away but down the road that will eat at her. If you yell and scream it will only lead to her yelling at you and she will get off on that trust me. After I said that she was speechless, she expected me to flip out and I didn't and that was that. Have fun living with the guilt the rest of your life, if you yell it will only make her think she did the right thing and make you look like a baby. For the icing on the cake I sent her mom a nice letter saying thanks for everything,something she never did for my parents and my parents even let her live at the house. Trust me man take the high road make her think you're un phased and you'll have the last laugh. You'll look like the bigger person and she'll be left looking like dirt.

[hello678]

Its hard isn't it, particularly when you struggle to link their actions to how you know them as a person. You wonder "they are such a caring person, why are they doing this to me?"

 

Its even harder because you know they genuinely did care and love you at one point.

 

Its hard for me to sit here and say to you it was meant to happen, because 8 years is well... 8 years. If a relationship dies after 2 years it was probably meant to happen, but 8 years ago I was still a dumb teenager, so I can recognise just how long that is.

 

But in the 2000AD+ world it appears as though relationships are almost accessory items to many, its not about you really admire THAT person, its about having a 'boyfriend/girlfriend' in your life. Therefore as long as they have that partner its all well.

 

To be honest I understand why people jump from relationship to relationship because ive done it in past. And i'll tell you the new relationship does fill the void and and it does make you feel better for a while, you even grow to like it. But often half way through them you come out realising "wait, is this person even right for me at all?".

 

When you jump into a normal relationship, you have the period of dating to see if it works out, but when its a rebound you need that person there because its all you know, so people will often dive right in even if its not the right person... once again, ive done it myself in past and it never works.

 

So take sympathy in... well nothing. Take sympathy in moving on, focus on her negative aspects and build yourself a life without her. I have no idea how old you are, but you sound like a nice person, and assuming she was a quality girl (which you obviously thought she was) there will be plenty others interested in you.

 

Its just one of those things in life, its hard and if you focus on finding a new relationship it will be even harder. Focus more on just enjoying your daily experience and if a year passes and you find a new girl than thats a positive thing.

 

I won't patronise you saying its all for the best, sometimes its not, but you getting through it is all that matters... and not contacting her will be the best thing to kickstart thing.

 

Sorry for the rant

[lemsip]

Thanks man. It's been 5 weeks since our breakup. She knows I know she is with this new guy, but I'm not sure if she knows I know she was kissing him etc while still technically with me. Ahh, it hurts. And I still love her which is the fvcker. I'd prob even take her back if she asked.

 

I'll just leave it. And the letter to her parents is something I had been thinking of anyway, I have known them for 8 years after all and her dad helped us so much with DIY etc in the house.

 

Thanks for your words man.

[lemsip]

Thanks very much for the message man. I just turned 30. Deep down I know I'm a good guy. I have a lot to offer, I'm well travelled and I love music, art culture etc. I know in time there will be someone else. But for now I have to just let go all over again. It's her birthday in September, then Halloween, then Christmas. It just seems that at every one of these events I'll be wishing I was with her. I hope the feeling goes away.

[hello678]

Thanks very much for the message man. I just turned 30. Deep down I know I'm a good guy. I have a lot to offer, I'm well travelled and I love music, art culture etc. I know in time there will be someone else. But for now I have to just let go all over again. It's her birthday in September, then Halloween, then Christmas. It just seems that at every one of these events I'll be wishing I was with her. I hope the feeling goes away.

 

Considering you are a July registrar I think it will take some time yet. I'd hope in 3 months you have alot better understanding of the situation.

 

30 is still young. If anything 30 is the ideal age to enable you to move on, your life is established and you are very wise and understanding of the world. I can see that based on your posts, you are not scratching at the wall to call her, but have shown good restraint.

[lemsip]

Considering you are a July registrar I think it will take some time yet. I'd hope in 3 months you have alot better understanding of the situation.

 

30 is still young. If anything 30 is the ideal age to enable you to move on, your life is established and you are very wise and understanding of the world. I can see that based on your posts, you are not scratching at the wall to call her, but have shown good restraint.

 

Yeah, I gave her the space she asked for. I wonder if I gave her too much space but that's just shoulda woulda coulda talk... We didn't even really talk about the split. We went on a break in March and were very LC, met up a few times but didn't talk about anything (I sent a few letters though explaining my feelings). Then after 4 months she just ended it. I fought to the end, and I was a gent about it. I cried in front of her, and I wish I hadn't, that's my one regret, but she broke my heart.

 

I know 30 is still young but I'm gonna lose my house, I'm back living with my folks and I don't like my job. I don't even particularly like my country. So it seems like it's all back to rebuilding. I'm going to CBT and it's helping, but I know I'm at early stages.

 

It just wrecks my head that she has had months of switching off to me and is fine now while my journey is just beginning. Becoming desensitised to someone emotionally I'm sure was horrible for her but I don't think she felt the crushing pain of it all coming at once like me.

 

Thanks again.

[hello678]

I know eNC preaches no contact, but when I done it in my past relationship the ex used the emotional space to find another guy very quickly. I really do feel if I had of stayed around a bit more in her life than that may not have happened. In the end its for the best though, you don't want someone who doesn't really want you.

 

And as for losing your house, that is a terrible terrible shame, I really feel for you for that.

 

I understand what you mean about the pain we feel and the fact that they didn't really have to go through it, particularly since they have a new partner almost instantly to share their day with and say nice things to them. But unfortunately life sucks. As much as its hard to believe now, the feelings of your anger at 'her' will recide to the point that its no longer about her, its about you.

 

You will come to terms with that anger and hatred and probably still hold onto someone of it, but not to the point it overwhelms you.

[lemsip]

Well, she just emailed me about sorting out the house. It's 16k in negative equity if we want to sell. Fvck sake!

 

I know I said I wasn't gonna say anything about her kissing yer man while we were still together but I couldn't help it. In the house email she said she was sorry she didn't tell me she was seeing someone. I replied that it wasn't the fact she was seeing someone, it was the fact she went to my friend's birthday party with him on her first date.

 

It was a moment of anger, my head wasn't straight but it's sent now. At least I didn't call her any names or anything and it was only 2 lines. But I felt I had to say something so she knew I knew.

 

The human mind is messed up. I know I shouldn't have said anything but my emotions took over. F sake.

[NeverGoingBack]

"It is only when I sense the end of things that I find the courage to speak. The courage, but not the words."

[hello678]

Yes i know what you mean. Its also very hard for you because you have to be in contact with her on a regular basis, for most people out of sight out of mind kind of thing.

 

Its just a slip up and means nothing really.

[mynameishope]

How come you didn't tell your ex (from the 5 year relationship) what you were feeling for a whole year? Why did you hang in there like that?

 

I did tell him. I told him how I felt all the time. It fell on deaf ears. He stopped putting any kind of effort into the relationship and thought it was ok.

[NeverGoingBack]

My ex girlfriend of 10 years is the only girl who I've had a meaningful relationship with, and I'm the only guy she's ever been with. At the moment, I'm getting on with my life and I'm feeling a lot better. It's not the "end of the world" anymore. I saw old pics of the two of us today on a hard drive, from a few months back, and we looked so happy together. I have to admit - I shed a tear. I felt a shot of pain up my body - nothing I ever experienced before - and I felt that a part of me had been severed. Is this normal? I then ejected the hard drive as quickly as I could - I didn't mean to come accross them but couldn't help but look when I did. I'm annoyed at her, and I want to tell her how stupid she is and how horrible she was to me and how much she hurt me, but I also care for and love her, and I'm worried about her with this new guy. I'd hate to see anything happen to her, and I'd hate to see her get hurt. But at the same time, I'm jealous (for want of a better word), but not angry. I don't like that she's enjoying another guy (if she is). I can't stand the thought of her hugging or kissing someone else. It's surreal. Even my friends think it's surreal that this has happened. It was always just the two of us. We made promises to each other which in my opinion were just as meaningful as saying "I do" in an "official" ceremony (which we had planned on up until a couple of months ago). Is it normal to have these feelings? I think the initial "shattering" stage is well over, but it seems to be coming back in waves...

[NeverGoingBack]

Discovered that HE has a family. Pretty shocked, but it makes sense. He's 40 next year. Is he separated perhaps? Does my ex know? What a * * * * storm. I don't think my ex and the new guy are "official" though, yet.

[mg22]

Guess what the future holds for her ! yes DISAPOINTED!! she is in for a long haul of dissapointments, shes clearly very imature, and once a cheater always a cheater, she will never find true happiness, too bad she let you go.. one day she will be sorry.