effanrr Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I am over 50 yo and can't believe I am still having relationship issues but I need feedback and objective opinions. I will make it brief. Dated a 50 yo women on and off for 2 years We seem to have volatile arguments ever 4 weeks Her response is to isolate and withdraw and i feel like I am going through a break up over and over I took here in for a colonostopy last thursday which ended in emergency surgery I spent 14 hours at the hospital, woke up in the morning and did some work in AM so i can keep my struggling start up alive She goes balasitice - why aren't i there when she wakes up, why is my phone not on??? I know I only have a couple of hours cause getting her 17 yo daughter to the airport with an internetiaonl phone and travelers checks is now my job - i don't mind even though it takes me 6 hours out of my day and I am too stessed from this bxxxx yelling at me and getting her to the airport. sunday morning she asks me to come iat 9:30 - i say i will be there in a while- i have things to do, - she hangs up I drive over and she breaks up with me. I am like what? Are you kidding me? She checks out of the hosiptal and comes home - as I am there taking care of the animals she agins asks me to leave. I go throught my emotional letting go. At this point no matter how much I love her, this monthy cycle will get me sick. I call her today and say I want to talk to her (to break up) and she says becareful what I say and that I should not be a child and take care of the women I love. She then adds on how I failed miserable at taking care of her and that I could not even get her child to the airport. I feell like an idiot writing this, but what do you think? My instinct says run for my life even though I will lose companionship, emotional support, a place to go as we spend all the time at her house (I am living with family until my business picks up). But experiencing this every 4 weeks has taken its toll. Help! Link to comment
relationship99 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Hi what a bad position to be in. It seems that you are trying hard to be good to this woman but she does not seem to appreciate it? She could be going through the menopause which would explain the mood swings. If so, she cannot help this. You need to be patient and understanding with her but only you can decide if you love her enough to cope with this or if you should move on and be on your own. Not an easy decision to make but only you can make it. Good Luck! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Have you spoken to her about her attitude? While menopause can explain the mood swings, it doesn't excuse her behaviour. If it is due to menopause it is up to her to learn how to control her emotions and not use you as a verbal punching bag. Link to comment
endy Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Ummm this is really odd... but do you drop everything for her all of the time? Like do you not have any boundaries at all? Maybe it's just her and not you? You can read being the strong man a woman wants. It looks to me like she's a bit of a control freak and doesn't love herself very much. My instinct would be to run for the hills too. It just doesn't look like she's very healthy to me because of the way she treats you. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 At age 50 do you think she's really going to change? I don't think menppause lasts for two years so this is who she is. I'm 50 as well and have recently found a beautiful, kind woman my age to date who deoesn't have those kind of issues. Love is possible at any age so fear of loneliness shouldn't factor into the descision. It all comes down to how much you love her. Does that balance off against the negatives. Link to comment
effanrr Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Thanks for the feedback. No I tried to setup a time to talk but she said she doesn't want to hear anything that will upset her while she is recuperating. But that I should stop acting like a child and take care of the women I love; nice concept but I ain't feeling the love. But I will tell her "you are a wonderful and giving person who I love but monthly fights followed by your isolation and avoidance for days is not acceptable - especially when they are triggered when I tell you no to something. I just got off the phone with her and she complained about how I handled getting her child to the airport (after stopping at phone store, taking checks to the bank, going to AAA to get her a Travel Card, driving to the airport, parking the car, getting the boader pass, and walking her to the gate). I am beside my self. At this point, I feel nothing. It is sad that I had a glimour of her beauty and a taste of happiness. I wonder what Dr. Phil would say. Link to comment
endy Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Honestly, Dr. Phil may b---- slap her. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 At age 50 do you think she's really going to change? I don't think menppause lasts for two years so this is who she is. I'm 50 as well and have recently found a beautiful, kind woman my age to date who deoesn't have those kind of issues. Love is possible at any age so fear of loneliness shouldn't factor into the descision. It all comes down to how much you love her. Does that balance off against the negatives. The hormonal fluctuations can go on for a few years prior to the actual cessation of the period (menopause) so mood changes are entirely possible for 2 years. However, in the OPs case it sounds more like the gf is just not a nice person. Link to comment
effanrr Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 update well we made it until today in reasonable happiness. The stress of her illness, a spoiled rotten inconsiderate 17 yo child and being on ft disability and not getting better is taking its tool. When this happens she turns to a complete bxxxxx -evidenced by even her friends running for the hills. She asked me "am i that bad?" 0 I did not have the heart to tell her yes, but really she is. So once again i was thrown under the bus as she said i was her primary stress factor contributing to her problems. But frankly my finances are in sad state due to my start up costs investments and length of time to build up a cusomter base and overall lack of capital available to me. My friend said that what I see know will only get worse if we got married. I am tired of working long hours for no money. I am tired of depending upon this women as my only friend and social outlet. I need an upgrade but I am stuck becuase part of me loves her. Link to comment
effanrr Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 Well here I am again. Another breakdown. My finances are starting to turn. I think I need to end this but i can not becuase she is all i have. Link to comment
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