Very Sad and Down About the BU

[Silverbirch]

Hi,

I'm sorry I know I've posted on other threads. I'm feeling very, very down right now. At the back of my mind, I was holding onto a tiny shred of the possibility of reconciliation, but having to face now this will never happen. My ex has controlled every aspect of the BU and LOTS in the relationship. He is definitely a control freak. I feel really hit by the disrespect this morning, a final nail in the coffin. Of course, I do not REALLY want to spend my life with somebody who treats me that way, but the hurt and feeling so used is very much with me right now. I want so much to heal and find peace. It doesn't feel like I will ever find happiness again, but at least if I can find peace, that will be enough for now.

[DN]

What happened this morning?

[Silverbirch]

I can't write about it any more, but it's here on my journal.

 

 

 

[dramallama]

Why do you feel disrespected? I can't see where he was outright rude to you. I think the reason why you feel disrescted is because you had to expectation that he was going to reconcile. While I don't want to take away from what you are feeling, I think the reason why you feel so upset is not really because he did anything wrong, but because you were expecting something different (reconciliation). Closing a chapter and starting a new one is always hard, especially when you are forced to do so, but at least you have an answer and can move forward from that, even if you might not want to right now.

[Realitynut]

Sweeties, I wish I could fly to Australia right this min. and hang with you! It's sweltering hot here and humid, maybe you would wast to come here, and we'll find a beach somewhere to hang out. You'll look good with your new body, and I'll look like a beached whale.

 

I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed either. I was soooo lethargic, and I even had a date. Then I found out he was 58, not 48 like his profile said. He also said he was as white as a ghost, he burns easily. GREAT!

 

Ex was tall, dark and handsome. He loved laying in the sun, or playing in the water, or hiking ...or anything.

 

I'm still eating S.B.

 

I thought for sure your guy would come back too! Is he seeing someone?

 

It's been a year since my guy (oops, ex) was seeing her. Last yr. I would have been engaged and oh so happy. SB, I still wear the engagement ring. Today was the day that his last message to me goes "byebye" on my cell. They only last one mo. so I listened to it one last time last night.

 

I drove one hr. to see the new guy...and cried as I drove. I cried when I drove back. I haven't been on my journal, cuz all it does is makes me think of him. I use to think of him (even when we were together 99.99% of the time) It is down to 85% of the time....is that good.

 

silver, I think we are about the same age. Tell me on my journal. I hate the fact ours were both moved!!! blah!

 

You do SO MUCH WITH YOUR LIFE...I AM IN AWE OF YOU. My ex would have thought he died and went to heaven if I was as nice as you are. I was so "Borderline" but I really couldn't help it...i tried. I'm so empty too.

 

It's winter there, mayber that is why you are so blue. It's summer here, and I feel like my life is passing me by, and I don't have much life left!!! lol

 

Every morning I tell my kid, "i hate my life" !

 

People say "get a life", but I HAD a life. I WAS happy, at least most of the time. I was happy 80%, but he wanted 100%. Now he is.

 

I have no friends. I was driving past my mom and dads tonite coming back from that boring date. I called and asked if I could come over. They said, no, they were going to Sherry and Toms to play cards. (My sis and hub). I asked if I could come. (she lives behind my mom). She said, you probably could, but not the pup. I said I would leave her in the car. (they are afraid she might have fleas even tho I gave her a bath today and put drops on her...she's a chihuahua)

 

So mom hemmed and hawwed...and said, I don't know , I could ask her,....I just said, that's o.k., I'll go home.

 

Now WHO wouldn't think it would be o.k. to play cards and have another person come over? Unless they are playing a 4 handed game, but usually they play a game that any amount of people can play...

 

So I felt even crappier.

 

So I'm on here, joining the pity party. Carla

[Silverbirch]

Dramalama, I think I might know him better than you do. He sent me an email less than 2 weeks ago saying he was hoping we could remain friends and with some newsy stuff. I replied in like, did not get a reply so around a week later contacted him to get my things back. He is very much into control. I think that you probably mean to help people with your replies, but something about them is a bit too cold odd. Did you actually ever get to meet your ex in person or was it all webcam?

 

Thanks for your comforting words Carla. Hugs, xxx

[dramallama]

Well, the truth hurts, I guess, which is why you don't like to hear it. But that's my style. In time you will see that I'm not cold. It's only because you don't want to hear it. If your ex wants to be in control, then you are better off without him. Just lower your expectations (since he is your ex, after all) and you won't be disappointed.

 

I never met my ex in person, and I'm glad it worked out that way. I learnt a lot from talking to him and everything that came from that, but it was for the best that we didn't meet. Someday you will be able to look back and see that this was for the best for you as well, like I do.

[babygirl3253]

Hi there,

 

It is good that you do not want to spend your life with someone who treats you in a way where you feel so disrespected. That shows that you have self respect which is an important quality to have in life. The feeling of hurt and hopelessness/the thought that you will never find happiness again.... this is all normal. Right now you are deeply hurt, and when people are hurt the last thing their mind allows them to do is think of happiness. Although nothing I can say will make you feel better.... I can definitely and positively say that although you feel this way now.... it will not last. You will find peace in time. Time heals all. No matter what happens in your life, you WILL move on and you WILL be happy. You will be happy- whether it is single for a while or with someone else. Don't worry... just focus on life and don't dwell on the past. Everything happens for a reason.

[allsunny]

Silverbirch.... I've been through that phase. Even though I knew that my ex didn't want to reconcile, I still had hope in the back of my mind that he would. He never did, and I'm glad he didn't. He was so wrong for me, and I was so wrong for him. The pain you're feeling will eventually work towards your advantage. Every rejection, intentional or unintentional, will force you to move on. If a friend did you wrong, took advantage of you, and made you miserable, eventually... you'll stop hanging out with them. It's definitely harder with someone you truly love romantically, but you'll eventually want to run away from him too. You're going to hear it over and over again that you just need to give yourself some time. I heard it many times, before it finally started to make sense. I too thought that I would never find happiness or some kind of hope for a great relationship. It took me a whole year (past our aniversary) to finally feel free to love someone else again It takes some people days, weeks, months, or years to get over a relationship. It if takes you years, don't beat yourself up for it... You'll get there if you work on you, and try to find what truly makes you happy again. Being with your ex won't make you happy again, because he is not right now. And you want to be with someone who treats you better and would love you much more like you deserve. Take time out for you... writing in a journal, working out, and reading self help books helped for me. Also, try to really sit down and write down what you want and don't want in a relationship and partner. Write down what you won't tolerate again. And plan you life with goals that don't include your ex.... It's all about you now.

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Carla, Babygirl and Sunny. It feels so weird because I knew him for a couple of years, and we were so close. I can pinpoint a couple of things that happened to him, quite close together which I know have been traumatising for him, as they would for anybody. I've seen the man I loved with all my heart change in personality because of what has happened. He NEVER would have treated me like this before. I've lost him - I don't just mean as my partner. I mean the person who he was is gone. That's like a death. I remember when my previous partner developed bipolar - yes, he was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with it, I felt distinctly like aliens had abducted my partner, and I just wanted him back. I stayed 2 years, and the man I knew did not come back in that time, and I had to move on because it was killing me. When I met my present partner, everybody, including our children thought we were so right together. I was so happy - no we were so happy that he even wrote a song about us.

 

I'm going to re-read your posts and from tonight onwards, my working hours change. This will permit me to practice my faith and also have much more of a social life, and I will focus on those things and taking care of myself. Thank you for your empathy and for sharing your experiences. xxx

[tresqua]

My ex has controlled every aspect of the B

 

What's to control about a breakup? He says it's over, you say "ok that's too bad it didn't work out" and you walk away.

 

The only reason he still has control at this point is because you have been unable to accept that it's over and you're waiting for him to call you.

 

The only thing left at this point is to get your stuff. After 5 days he texted you back that he was too busy to get back to you sooner, (which is his way of saying you are of no importance to him), and he gave you a day to get your things which he will have all ready for him. Get your stuff and move on with your life. He's not controlling you at all, you are allowing your feelings for him to control YOU.

[DN]

Thread closed for disrespectful and personal attacks.