conde Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Breakup Summary 1Year Long Relationship 5 Months Since Break Up 3 Months 100% NC Once in awhile i do dream of her but nothing serious Whats Helped? Friends Work Hobbies Mostly Will Power, Life ended up being better off without her... Link to comment
DaveCummings Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Breakup summary: 2 years together with 8 months living together 1 year broken up Limited to no contact (I last spoke to her in November until her bf tried to punk me since then and have spoken with her intermittently since may.) What helps? Not enough... but from what has helped me so far is pretty much what others here have said. Trying my best to get friends to be available to hang out(not enough days out of the apartment I find leave me thinking about her and getting depressed) Playing my guitar and singing along helps me shed built up emotions of sorrow and meloncholy. Hanging out with family also helps... Getting out into the sun and doing recreational activities like swimming, golfing, biking, running, football, etc. Writing songs and poems has helped me get out what I want to say. The harshest part of all this is just how much I cared about this girl. Having butterflies around her every day even til and after the break up hasn't been easy forgetting. There are many days I wished she'd come here and try to make up with me and give it another go because we both screwed up pretty bad, but I just don't see it happening. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Yeah being alone definitely sucks. It's so easy to just give in to thoughts and start ruminating. I understand what you're saying (sounds cliche but true). I don't miss him per say but I do miss that feeling of "having butterflies" every time I was around him. I felt as if he just would have to touch me and I would just melt to his feet. It scares me that maybe I won't ever really this way about anybody else. But I know that's not the case; I just gotta give it time. Link to comment
Love1336 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 ' Lol i forgot to put how many times a day i think of him. It all seriously depends on my will power. There are days, when i don't think of him at all. Then they are days, when i am totally crazy for him and he just can't get out of my mind at all. I feel awful the fact its been a year. And i still think of him a lot. This is all my fault. But sometimes i can't help it. Link to comment
lovesforlife Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Breakup Summary 9 Year Long Relationship (lived together 6 years) 11.5 Months Since Break Up 12 Days 100% NC (very LC before that) Dreams stopped early on but initially were very fanciful; romantic Think about frequently - what went wrong, will he come back, what I could change, why he's with new gf, what his family thinks of me, will I be alone forever, etc. What Has Helped? Getting rid of his stuff Not reading stories or forum posts saying there is no hope or talking about negative aspects of love or relationships that make me feel bad about the past or dredge up memories of the past Crying my eyes out Yoga Upbeat music (especially music that reminds me of positive times when I felt loved and wanted) St. John's Wort Getting dressed up and doing things that make me feel beautiful Work Mindless reality tv, movies Forcing smiles until they become more natural Positive thinking/mindfulness/positive affirmations and qoutations/focusing on me - my hopes and dreams as an individual Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Break up summary: Can't be bothered to quantify anymore. What has helped: Time GOLF!!! my new attitude : "don't f-with me." &: the only person I can control in this world is myself. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 I thought I was the only one on here that had resorted to St. John's Wort. It has helped a little, but not too much. I've heard SAMe is good too. I need to give it more time though. Link to comment
wilyone 11 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 He gave me the "just want to be friends" message 4 months ago after an incredible 1-year relationship. In the meantime, we got together once to catch up and he seemed really into me. But no contact since then. He has been on my mind pretty much every moment of every day. I'm angry at myself for not being able to stop thinking about him. Even when I'm not actively thinking about him, he's always at the back of my mind. The only time I'm not as conscious of him is when I am completely immersed in something else like an engaging work project that requires my full attention. Otherwise, he's still on my mind even when I'm out with friends, reading a book, etc. I have read that you simply have to train your mind not to think of the person and there are no easy answers. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah the best thing is to make new associations with the things that remind you of them, and do NC. That's the thing that has helped the most and even that is not enough. Link to comment
lostwithouther Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Saturday, I had my friends from Brazil staying with me. 2 couples and myself. Well, they were kissing, holding hands, laughing. I had dinner with them, then we went to my house to shower and change for NYC. Well, I was in such a bad mood from seeing all their affection, I lay down in my bed and huffed and puffed. Took a nap and woke up at midnight, while they were still getting dressed, something hit me. Stop sitting here, yes she would love to have been here, but guess what, she isn't and you are going to go out and have a good time. By 1245 I was up, as my friends were, we hit NYC and had a Blast. She missed out but I had a Great time. Its all attitude and how you perceive the situation. I chose to see that I had friends over, was being a horrible host by laying sour in my bed and I got up, dressed and hit the Bright Lights. I thought of her on the way and way out, because I still love her. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 I remember seeing that affection did bother me like a * * * * * when the breakup was fresh, even in movies. It still bothers me slightly but not as much as it did in the beginning. You end up becoming desynthesized to that stuff, and I hope it soon goes away. It's a mix of jealousy and nostalgia. Link to comment
wilyone 11 Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I remember seeing that affection did bother me like a * * * * * when the breakup was fresh, even in movies. It still bothers me slightly but not as much as it did in the beginning. You end up becoming desynthesized to that stuff, and I hope it soon goes away. It's a mix of jealousy and nostalgia. Yeah the other day I was waiting for a parking space and after the couple got in their car, they started kissing for what seemed like several minutes. They didn't know I was waiting for the parking space. I was sad and angry at the same time. Finally just drove away to look for another parking space. Anyhow, I just met a very cool guy and he asked me out! We are going for a drink next week. I feel about 100 times more positive than I did yesterday and I'm not thinking about my ex but rather my date! Yea. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 I waited 4 months to go out on dates even though a few asked me on the 2nd month mark. I was going to start seeing a guy that I was dating for a month "seriously" (his wording-whatever that means) but I couldn't stop thinking of the ex every time we kissed, or tried to have sex. The dates were fine, and it made me excited but it's so difficult to make it serious so soon after a breakup. It sucks. I hope stuff goes well for you. Link to comment
wilyone 11 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I waited 4 months to go out on dates even though a few asked me on the 2nd month mark. I was going to start seeing a guy that I was dating for a month "seriously" (his wording-whatever that means) but I couldn't stop thinking of the ex every time we kissed, or tried to have sex. The dates were fine, and it made me excited but it's so difficult to make it serious so soon after a breakup. It sucks. I hope stuff goes well for you. I'm not looking for anything serious at all, just a fun physical distraction. If it takes my mind off my ex even partially or just for a short time, I'll be happy. I'm so sick of thinking about him yet I can't seem to stop. Link to comment
strangerdanger Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 6 Months together. 4 months no contact. He dumped me after I had a miscarriage- said everything happened too fast... Still think of him ALL the time. What has helped: NC Being with friends immersing myself in my work. Posting about it on forums like this one. Link to comment
toofaced12 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Breakup Summary: -almost 7 months since breakup ..I'm not really sad about our break up anymore, last time I cried about it was the first time I saw him since BU (almost a month ago now, that set me back for a few days). -There is still LC, I never initiate, I don't mind if he texts me (he broke up with me)...longest gone with NC was 3 months. -I still think about him everyday, but its voluntary lol What Helped: -Moving back home with family (we lived together at the time of BU) -Making new friends -Yoga & Meditation -Saw a Counsellor for a few sessions -Listening to music -Going out with the girls and dressing up! -Being on this site to a certain extent helped, but also make me think too much about my ex so I've stopped coming on here so much. Link to comment
Love1336 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Breakup Summary: -almost 7 months since breakup ..I'm not really sad about our break up anymore, last time I cried about it was the first time I saw him since BU (almost a month ago now, that set me back for a few days). -There is still LC, I never initiate, I don't mind if he texts me (he broke up with me)...longest gone with NC was 3 months. -I still think about him everyday, but its voluntary lol What Helped: -Moving back home with family (we lived together at the time of BU) -Making new friends -Yoga & Meditation -Saw a Counsellor for a few sessions -Listening to music -Going out with the girls and dressing up! -Being on this site to a certain extent helped, but also make me think too much about my ex so I've stopped coming on here so much. Hmmm. I always thought i was only one when came to this. Link to comment
Chuck Bartowsk Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 8.25 years together 2.5 months post breakup no direct contact since 28 days today full NC I think about her from the moment I wake until I fall into a restless sleep. Nightmares are becoming less frequent. Only brief periods during the day that she leaves my mind for a while. What is helping My faith in Jesus grows each day. Friends as close as family. Reconnecting with old friends reconnected with an old friend after 30 years through FB and he is a Pastor now. Link to comment
fortune Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 2 years and 2 months relationship not living together 5 weeks no contact We were supposed to move in together and said he felt he should want it more, if he doesn't really want it now he never will What helps Therapy Book ''Feeling Good'' Being busy socially Enotalone Family Travel Shopping around on web dating as a back up plan but just for research purposes and hope at this point (it's free and you don't have to put photos) Day to day Two steps forward one step back (he called my sister to ask how I was, at first I was shocked and I spent the next day bawling and dwelling on the word for word conversation they had trying to guess if that meant he was regretting his decision) Crying on and off When busy socially capable of being distracted Not dreaming about him lately Lost weight so looking good Trying to control my thought patterns (i.e. avoid dwelling and negative thought patterns) Looking forward to certain plans I have made Link to comment
fortune Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Oh and the relationship has been over for 5 weeks, it was no contact straight away (source of pride to be honest) Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 8.25 years together 2.5 months post breakup no direct contact since 28 days today full NC I think about her from the moment I wake until I fall into a restless sleep. Nightmares are becoming less frequent. Only brief periods during the day that she leaves my mind for a while. What is helping My faith in Jesus grows each day. Friends as close as family. Reconnecting with old friends reconnected with an old friend after 30 years through FB and he is a Pastor now. Those dreams/nightmares are horrible. It took me a while to stop having them but what really bugs me is waking up and having him be the first thing on my mind. He's also usually the last thing on my mind. Though that has changed since I'm sick so the last thing on my mind is pain. I actually prefer pain than him—lol. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Breakup Summary About a year relationship, about 6 months of close friendship before that, plus grade school as kids about 14 years ago 5 months post break-up 4 1/2 months of NC (minus one e-mail to wish her mom a happy bday) Feel pretty good What has helped Knowing she has deep, deep issues Working out, A LOT.Typically running at least 3-4 miles 3 times a week w/ alternating lifting weights 3 times a week, and P90x workout on occasion Positive mental exercises Reading Forcing myself to maintain my social life immediately following the break-up Forcing myself to go places and see things that we did together (Nothing will erase the memory of her, so if I can enjoy the same things without her company, which I'm doing, then I know I'm good) Realizing that it was just a minor speedbump in the road to my ultimate happiness Realizing that I now have that much more experience, knowledge, and wisdom in these matters Acknowledging my own mistakes in the relationship, and working on myself to make sure those never happen again, or at least not to any major extent Link to comment
luvsomeone333 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 5 months post break up 4 months no contact 80 % of the time I think about him and how to move on from him considering the fact he cheated on me ... still a bit lost n hurt from it all.. Link to comment
luvsomeone333 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 What I've learnt I don't take crap from people anymore. I know who my friends are.talking to a wide variety of ppl has helped alot plus discovering changes n hobbies included in the daily life. Going out with friends and making your self feel good. Try n embrace life and not wallow. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 I know my ex has deep damn issues and I wish my heart would see that but I think the heart (or whatever makes us feel) has absolutely no intellectual ability or rationale. At least mine doesn't. It sounds like you have a really good attitude towards the breakup and have done everything pretty much the way everyone recommends. I think you have a really good, valid point by saying sometimes we need to force ourselves to go to places we used to frequent together. Those places need new associations whether we like it or not. I had no choice but to do it and when I'm there, I rarely even think about him anymore. The places also change with time so we end up being fine. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who ruminates about the breakup all the time. I'm still having a hard time getting him off my mind. Crazy obsessive stuff. Link to comment
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