Tryptophan Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Breakup summary 5-months post breakup. 4-months of no direct contact. 1 month full NC (blame FB and mutual friends). Still dream of him once/twice every two weeks. In total, probably gone 2 months without crying intermittently. What has helped? Religion. Friends. Family. Willpower. Volunteering, self-lessness. Work. Achievements at work, life (eating healthier, exercise, self-help reading), and school. On my mind 30% of the time, mostly voluntary. What about the rest of you? It feels good to check in and and let the newcomers know it does get better. Link to comment
Meriem Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Breakup summary: 3-months post breakup. 2 weeks no contact In total, probably gone two days without crying What has helped? Friends Forum Willpower. writing crying reading, so much reading positive thinking I'd say the breakup, not him is 70% of the time on my mind, I'm thinking about coping and trying to be positive, not about him Link to comment
hausser Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Cool post. BU summary. 2.5 months post break up (jesus christ that is insanley quick gone) A few days NC but prior to that it was over 30. No direct contact for at least 6 weeks. Think about her very little in terms of missing her. As Meriem, think about the dynamics of the BU more than her per se. It does get easier. Helping factors. NC Forum (cheers mtom buddy) Willpower Friends/family Pride Her. Finding out she was in a new relationship really seals the deal. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 6 months since he gave me the "we can still be friends" speech, and we never spoke again. I cry once in awhile - every few weeks. Things that have helped: Friends Church Meditation Focus on my health and trying to look better My pets ENA The fact that he told me in a 2-line email sealed the deal. D(*&$#. Link to comment
Mellie Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 BU Summary 2 days since BU 2 days NC Helping Factors Not much. Crying a lot. It sucks, but hey, it's going to. Willpower to stop myself acting on any impulses. Reading/talking to people here. I'm not up to telling the real world yet. Pets. They know when you're sad. The whole unconditional love thing is sweeeeeet. Thinking about him probably 80% of the time. Can't eat, sleep. Etc, etc. Usual shenanigans. But I do know this passes and it will be ok. Link to comment
jumper11 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 8 months since breakup , LC then 2 months Full NC then he wanted me back around 4-5 months post breakup.. Family, friends, and just getting through it really. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that he came back and I said no, and now hes become a better man and I miss talking to him , maybe one day I can say yes to him. Nc helped but did damage at the end, I did too much nc. I think about him when I want. I only get upset sometimes when we talk. We are LC, on good terms. He still wants me back. Link to comment
guest777 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Break Up Summary 2.5 year relationship 7.5 months post breakup ~2 months since saw him but didn't talk 2.5 months since we talked on phone(which I'm the one that called after family drama) 6 months post breakup went on a 3 week european vacation with new gf Dream about him pretty regularly/few times a week, when they do occur its a whole night full of them. Lately the crying has been sporadic, but its when I'm thinking about him and the new gf What has helped Faith/Religion (reading Job) Family Work Friends (esp, the new ones I've made) Pride Knowing that he isn't acting like the guy I fell in love with Jumper11, I'm jealous.... I've been hoping that he comes back so then I can make the decision on if I want him or not. Also, when did you know it was okay to go to LC? and how did you go about doing that? or did it kind of happen bc he wants you back? Link to comment
hopelessincan Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Break Up Summary 15 month relationship 3 weeks post breakup 3 weeks since i had seen him (until yesterday) 2 hours since i talked to him on the phone (he called) Think about him all time. especially when im on here since he bought me the laptop as a gift, reminders of him throughout the house. cry every day. First day that i havent. What has helped not much but.... realizing that we both had a part in allowing the relationship to fall apart and it wasnt just me Yard work/ the sun this forum typing my feelings out and emailing them to myself friends (when I actually force myself to go out or invite them over - not often). I have yet to tell anyone either as I want to know for sure that we are over. ignoring him sometimes and feeling the power when he contacts me - knowing that he still cares Link to comment
motleylou Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 8 month relationship(1 month living together) 2 months since breakup 1 month NC(no e-mails,texts, calls, facebook, NOTHING) Dream about her maybe once a week only when I dwell a lot on the relationship before I go to sleep She's on my mind still everyday, maybe for a total of 15 minutes to a few hours- Like others have said more about the breakup and what I could of done.... What has helped Family Forums Friends Pets Work- I started a new job met new people, a few that are possible dates Knowing that in the big picture of my life this was just a blip on the radar, and a great learning experience. Sure the short term pain is there, but in the long run the odds of us living happily ever after at our age 23/24 was slim to none. And finally knowing that I left classy and with my head held high, she cheated and lied to me and treated me and my family like garbage after the breakup, so she can't say the same. Link to comment
jumper11 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I went to lc because I got over 40 times of contact in 2 months .. I should've listened to my gut and contacted sooner, nc got taken too far and if ive learned anything you have to trust you're gut when you are healed enough when it doesnt set you back to contact . * Mine was a 5 year relationship .. I've been completely fine until the last few weeks, I don't know .. I guess I miss him more now. I've been seeing someone and was happy and moved on, but when they come back, sometimes it takes months for some feelings to creep up. Mostly because its such a big decision. Also, I am falling for someone new. Ugh!!! * It's not as easy as you think when they come back. I think I'd be better off if he didn't to be honest. The experience is not at all what you think. How I went about lc? I broke it thru msn and told him to be clear with me. He was surprised I guess so didnt respond but he got back to me. Link to comment
Robin2904 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 BU Summary -Together almost a year (11 months) -Broken up 7-8 months (It's blurry because there was a few attempts to reconcile by both of us, the end of the end was right before Christmas) -4 month very LC, a few months of NC in between, then occasional text, NO phone communication first 4 months. -Last saw him a little over a month ago. It set me back SO much. Especially seeing him with his new girlfriend (Who he now broke up with) Epic fail. Honestly he's still on my mind about 80 percent of the time, cry about him maybe once a week. It went down to 60 percent at one point, and I didn't cry for a whole month at one point, but seeing him again has put me in a bad place again.... What has helped -Keeping busy -Friends and family -School, throwing myself into my school work as much as I can -Maybe not productive for everyone, but partying, living, being free, drinks with the girls, a Saturday night out dancing- those things have helped me. -I also try to remind myself daily that we broke up for a reason. It's been hard because I forget all the bad stuff when I miss him- which has been all the time lately. I have to remind myself of the bad things he did, how he hurt me...reminding myself of that stuff helps a little bit. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Thanks for sharing everyone. I did forget to mention the forum. It probably has helped the most, but figured it would be obvious as we are all here. I can probably relate the most to Robin. The worst part is the emotional rollercoaster. I hated those weeks where I felt like, "Wow, I really got over this fast" only to go onto the next week and feel like the breakup had just occurred all over again. Link to comment
Bella4 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Break up Summary 3 Year Relationship 15 Days Post-Break Up 2 Weeks Low Contact 1 Day Official Closure 1 Day Facebook Defriended What has helped? Faith Family Friends Online ENA Forum Reading Distractions such as tv, pub, indoor rock climbing Crying Writing Smoking Pets. Still constantly dreaming of him, broken sleep, still not eating normally - on my mind 80% of the time. But I know it'll get better. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 I remember when I felt like that, Bella and you got the right attitude. It was the same for me; disturbed sleep, dreams, and appetite-wise. My dreams and my sleep are still slightly messed up (getting better though) but the appetite is actually even healthy now. It was also a good decision to defriend so soon. For me, it took 3 months and it was 3 months of seeing how he was reaching out to new lady friends (ugly ones at that which was a plus). And then I got sick of it and just threw FB out the door altogether. It improved my actual social life too since I get together now with friends rather than checking up on each other through FB. Link to comment
VictorVic Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I think the most important thing to help heal is a positive attitude. It has helped me a little bit and I am far from healed. When you get in the mindset, I will never find anyone like her again, or she was perfect for me, or I loved her more then I could love anyone else, you will naturally feel down in the dumps. Turn those thoughts into, I can't wait til I find someone better then her, I will find someone who I love more then I loved her, and remember what an exciting time starting to date someone new can be. Just throw on the Michael Buble song "Just haven't met you yet" and remember there are millions of people all around us.....we all will meet someone new.......It's just the waiting that sucks Link to comment
mactownman Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Break Up Summary: ~ 3 year relationship ~ 3 months post breakup Found out about replacement 1 week after breakup, NC since then. Blocked on facebook, way too many mutual friends. What Has Helped: Friends and family! My dog Positive thinking Positive music Work Exercise Cooking Casual dates Reading Thinking about how happy I was before her and understanding I don't need her. Looking towards the future. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Break Up Summary: ~ 3 year relationship ~ 3 months post breakup Found out about replacement 1 week after breakup, NC since then. Blocked on facebook, way too many mutual friends. What Has Helped: Friends and family! My dog Positive thinking Positive music Work Exercise Cooking Casual dates Reading Thinking about how happy I was before her and understanding I don't need her. Looking towards the future. I think casual is key. I tried to do more than casual 4 months post and it was hell. I think I'll need to wait around a year before anything serious because it was honestly just a trigger for thinking more and more about him. I couldn't even get myself to have sex with him normally; all I thought was the ex. I don't know how people do rebounds to be honest. Link to comment
lemsip Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 8 year relationship + engaged "On a break" for 4 months Then she split with me for good 2.5 weeks ago NC for 2.5 weeks Own a house together so long-term NC will be impossible as we will need to sell it (negative equity) She is on my mind 100% of the time, from the second I wake up until I go to bed. Then I dream about her every night. It's a living hell, nothing is helping. I'm worried that I'm taking it worse than other people would or should... Living in my old bedroom at the minute in my parents' house. No fiancee. No house. No 'normal' full-time job to occupy myself (I work as a freelance writer from home so it's hard to focus). I feel I have no future. I don't know who I am anymore, major identity crisis. Just turned 30. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 I didn't stop thinking about him 24/7 for the first 2 months. I literally thought I was going crazy but it was because I didn't go full NC. I think it might take a little bit more than others because you still have to talk to her. It's still fairly recent though so just hang in there. Won't last forever. Link to comment
lemsip Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I didn't stop thinking about him 24/7 for the first 2 months. I literally thought I was going crazy but it was because I didn't go full NC. I think it might take a little bit more than others because you still have to talk to her. It's still fairly recent though so just hang in there. Won't last forever. Off topic for a moment, but in relation to this - is it normal to think you are going crazy? Like actually losing your mind? There have been times I've felt on the verge of a proper breakdown. Some days up, then crashing to worse than you were at the start. The pain is unlike anything I have ever, ever felt before. I guess everyone can relate to this, yeah? It's not just me?? 50% of this is that I feel like I am right back to square one again, having to rebuild my life. It scares the living * * * * out of me. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Off topic for a moment, but in relation to this - is it normal to think you are going crazy? Like actually losing your mind? There have been times I've felt on the verge of a proper breakdown. Some days up, then crashing to worse than you were at the start. The pain is unlike anything I have ever, ever felt before. I guess everyone can relate to this, yeah? It's not just me?? 50% of this is that I feel like I am right back to square one again, having to rebuild my life. It scares the living * * * * out of me. Yeah there were times where I would just spend days thinking about him and crying non stop and then I would worry I would be like that for years. Then I had a problem with defriending him FB, and I thought, "I'm gonna be checking his FB all my life", then I would get jealous of other people in his life. I thought I was gonna need a psychiatrist/psychologist to overcome the addiction/obsession but it got better. I even called one of those counseling hotlines once to ask them if I should get help from a "mental health professional". Their answer was that it was normal to feel like that after a "significant loss", and a counselor would probably help but it didn't mean I was "crazy" or "abnormal". Then I thought I wasn't gonna find anyone ever again, and so I started being more friendly once I had put myself kind of together. That got me a couple of dates with people, one that I actually liked but I had to kind of get away because it was too soon for me (4 months). At least I learned there were other people available. Fear is normal. Your relationship was 8 years, it's even more normal to feel out of place. Link to comment
James754 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I no exactly where yr coming from lemsip u never have 2 days the same And u have to deal with each one Differently as u never no what the next day will bring I think we have 2 keep fighting these days one by one until they even there selfs out into more positive days and try and keep them that way I think thats the only choice we all have IMO Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Yeah all we can do is just wait it out, and see which days are positive and which aren't. It's all about the emotional rollercoaster, and how we deal with it. Link to comment
Love1336 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Breakup summary 2 years and nine months. We almost hit three years, but by then we was broken up. going to be a year in August post breakup. 7-months of no direct contact. (i'm going base on the last time we kissed) 1 month full NC. But we work together, its rare we see each other. However we haven't talked in over a month. Still dream of him every single night since the break up. It's been a while since i have cried about him. I think over three months now. It's confusing. Might have been on my birthday so three months. What has helped? Friends! Instead being home thinking about how badly it sucks being single i go chill at my friend house, or go clubbing. Family. Kinda. my mom has her own issues. Willpower. ehhh. this has helped a lot but sometimes i been weak. Work. even those we work together, work still makes me happy and forget. Achievements! Ohh yeah like becoming a better tarot card reader, doing amazing in school. Little things like that make me happy. OHHHHH! Meeting amazing girl here named Robin! Having that connection with her has helped me in so many ways. Like i feel human. Very hard to explain! Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Thanks for sharing. I imagine how tough it must be to be running into them at work; fortunately that's not the case for me. That must be rather uncomfortable. Even just hearing his name gives me this awkward feeling of, "Wow I'm not over it yet". Link to comment
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