Should I say YES or NO or Somthing else!!!

[Leo_01]

Hi all!!

 

I have a problem...which hopefully you can help with it. Its been stressing me out for the last few weeks....By the way it is a tiny by complicated...

 

I have been going out with my girlfied for 4 years. We are both Indian origin, but her parents are more strict. We are both the same religion. Things were great in the first two half years where we both lived out and lived near each other (at uni) and could stay around each others places.

 

Then I went travelling after uni for 4 months. We still stayed together, in the sense we didnt split up. I knew it was more upsetting for her as it felt that it was like i was just leaving her....but I had to do it. You dont get the time to go travelling like that when u start working. But I didnt want to break up with her. I came back and she had changed. I know she found it hard while i was away, so did I. But she changed. She was more independent, but she was ruder and not so sweet anymore. She did not feel like the same sweetheart i knew.

 

For about half a year when i got back from travelling trip my g/f still lived out so I travelled to see her (as i moved home). Things were okay we did argue here and there. Then the sex became none existent and she said that she was just not interested in it and give it time and it will come back. That was hard and irritating (couldnt handle sleeping in the same bed but not doing anything?! We had great sex life b4) - sometimes thought it was cos of me.

 

Then she moved home and then we saw each other once a month. Talk everyday, but not the same anymore. We did argue here and there over commitment...she wanted me to tell my sisters about her....but everytime i was goint to, we would have an argument about something small and that would put me off. The relationship also got a bit boring, didnt meet much. Couldnt stay around her place and she cant come out in evening (indian parents!) ...

 

Now that is the background....She has given me an utimatium asking me to decide whether i want to marry her. She says that she wants to tell her parents and i can tell mine...She is happy to be engaged for 2 yrs (as i dont want to get married yet!) PS: I am 24 she is 23. But this will make it easier for us to see each other BUT this will mean I will have to commit to marriage.

 

Just to let you know why she said the ultimatum is that her parents are putting pressure to get married and want her to start looking at guys (aranged) as it can take a while to find a decent guy. She has been putting it off for a while. Her parents are now thinking if she has a b/f. She said it has been stressful and she wants me to be introduced to them. But get married in a couple of years - she doesnt want to get married now either. But wants us to see more of each other

 

Because of all the problems we had over the last year....My feelings for her are not so strong for her anymore...I do feel that. But i know that if things go well and we spend time together we have fun together my feelings will come back. That is after we tell our parents - but then I am bound.! What if things dont go well - I couldnt break it off, it would ruin her. But i am kinda sure things will go well

 

Also, just say if i did finish it I am worried that i would not find a girl like her again.

 

What should I do? Should I say yes, no, or well I want things to get better between us first then make decision (but hard to make things better cos we cant see each other often + dont thing she will go with this either)

 

Thanks in advance

[Day_Walker]

well you need to determine certain things:

How important is an active sex life?

Do you believe her libido will increase?

What exactly are your feelings for her?

Why are you affraid to lose this girl?

Do you really think that you wont find another girl like her?

 

It seems to me that you have already planted the seeds of doubt and you already know the answer to your problem. However it will be a lot easier to keep your gf and get engaged and get married later on down the line. The best path is not always the easiest. The low sex drive is a big indication for me that it will be that way when you get married. You also claim that she has changed that she wasnt the sweet girl you have previously known. The answer is in front of you and all you have to do is make that decision. Which ever direction you choose will have its ups and downs but you should make the decision that you will benefit the most from.

[EatZ]

Marriage is a huge decision, I wouldn't take this lightly at all. I think the ultimatum is quite unfair if you ask me -- strict parents or not.

 

By the way you've worded it, it doesn't sound like she's been as warm or loving to you as you deserve. Perhaps it's time you give her an ultimatum in return. She can either make you WANT to marry her, or you won't marry her at all. It doesn't sound like you'd have a problem making the decision if she wasn't so seemingly cold and distant from you.

 

Like the previous poster hinted at, you have to look out for you. It's your happiness that matters. You don't have to be long suffering just for her. She obviously hasn't been making sacrifices or taking risks to be with you.

 

Okay, so her parents are strict, fine... but it sounds like she's the type that would use it as an excuse from time to time too.

 

On the flipside, marriage is a two-way thing. She's obviously willing to marry you, so that should be a true show sign of her love. Or at least, of her and her parent's love...

[Leo_01]

Hi guys, thanks for your posts!

 

Day Walker...

 

How important is an active sex life?...V important to me! But I kinda do know things will be better, she had been hinting that she is better about that a few weeks ago.

 

What exactly are your feelings for her? I love her for who she is, how we used to be. Thats the problem, I think back on how we used the be in our first few years. I want that back and feel that. Since I went away for four months...she had to cope without me. That changed her. Not for the best for us.

 

Why are you affraid to lose this girl? Mostly cos i dont know if i will get this again...

 

Do you really think that you wont find another girl like her? well i prob will find another girl. But will they be better or the same as the good times in my current relationship...is the question. I dunno, if I think about it properly I prob will. But it is hard to meet ppl. You have to go through all that dating, bars etc. Do Iwant to go thropugh that? But it can be fun!

 

Eatz...I agree marriage is a hugh decision...

 

Correct if we werent so distant as she lives far away and we met up a lot. Spent time together...I dont think I would have a problem as I would know for sure how we are together. At the moment we used to meet once a month. Not enough. As before this, we used to arge here and there when she lived out (3 months ago) - where we could see each other. So I now need to know we okay.

 

Her using parents as an excuse...maybe...

 

So..I think i will tell her that i want to continue being undcover. We should try to meet up as much as we can and my feelings should come back. Then we can take it to the next stage....But I know to a certain extent that she will prob say that she wouldnt be able to handle us meeting up and knowing that I am unsure now (as I did say that i would marry her a 4-5 months ago, but we have had so many problems and this has caused me to re-think and feelings have changed). She gets upset about this.

 

I will probably put the ball in her court...

 

What u reckon...