Problems with my spoiled sister.

[wai]

So my sister is 20 year old and still acting like a spoiled 16 year old. My mom and I are supporting her financially and now she's studying abroad. My mom business isn't as good as it was couple of years ago. I'm fresh out of college and working at a company. After car payment, rent and all other cost, it's really hard to save money for my sister's tuition. My mom keeps complaining how tired she is now and she wants me to take full responsibility if possible. My sister knows our financial situation and she still keep going shopping, spending money on stuff that aren't necessary. Last time I heard from my mom, she was really mad because she thinks my sister's bf is now visiting her and my mom thinks my sister is paying for her bf's food. According to my mom, she sent my sister quite a lot of money last month.

 

When I talk to her about it, she would cry and yell and get upset about it. For me my parents and my sister always come first in my life and I don't understand why it's not the same for her. How do I mean her to stop spending so much money?

[BlueMilk]

Because she has been supported while you two worked. She is no longer a teenager and can get a part time job. Don't send her spending money and make sure your mother doesn't either. If she cries and begs for more tell her to get off her lazy ass and get a job because you are not her parent and you don't owe her anything, especially now that she is an adult.

 

If your mother continues to send her money despite that, then I suggest you just pay for your part of the tuition and take the rest of the money for yourself and whatever is needed to keep the house running. Also /tell your mother that you can't afford to maintain your sister's lifestyle/. Make sure she understands that so she can help motivate your sister.

 

That's my two cents.

[DN]

Why are you expected to support your sister? Especially on your own? Have you received some money or advantage that she has not?

[wai]

I was a international student in the US. I got scholarship which is half of my tuition and my mom paid the other half. I worked part time, so I could pay for my living expense. My mom told me to pay for my sister's tuition after I graduate. And I also feel that I'm responsible because she's my only sister. My mom was heart broken that my sister won't understand what she's going through right now. When i tell my mom to discipline her, she keep saying she keep saying my sister won't listen to her.

[DN]

I am still not clear why you have to pay her tuition - it seems unfair to me.

[wai]

It's because my mom can't afford to pay it all. If I don't help, she won't be able to go to college. Education system in our country is pretty bad. So some of us go abroad and study.

[wai]

and I forgot to mention. I told my sister once that I won't pay for her tuition anymore just to teach her a lesson and my mother stopped talking to me for 2 months.

[DN]

I would not pay unless your sister straightens out, gets serious and starts to deserve the subsidy. And if she can afford to pay for frivolous things she can help pay something towards her tuition herself.

[wai]

but what if it ruined her future because I won't pay for her tuition? I would feel guilty for life.

[DN]

No need to feel guilty - she is responsible for her own choices.

[stuka80]

I am still not clear why you have to pay her tuition - it seems unfair to me.

 

Some cultures it is expected for older siblings to fill in the role of parent for their younger siblings and it is willingly done in most cases. it's just how you're brought up and imo it is extremely admirable and unselfish. However it is also expected that the younger sibling treat the older sibling like a parent. meaning you respect and obey them like you would your parents and if you tell your younger sibling to be more responsible about the money you give them and they dont do it then take disciplinary actions or cut them off that source. good luck