Trees1318 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 My boyfriend of 3 years went to a strip club with his friends for a bachelor party. Being the wonderful, honest guy that he is, he gave me way too many details at the end of the night. I really do trust him, but I can not stop ruminating on the thought of him getting a lap dance. I know that he wouldn't have gone if it wasn't his friends party. And I've already told him never to tell me any details again. The idea of strip clubs even at bachelor parties is absolutely disgusting to me (I never would have thought any boyfriend of mine would ever have a reason to go in one) but I don't want to be the kind of girl that doesn't "let" him go. I'm feeling incredibly insecure about the fact that he had someone dancing on him and actually paid her to do it, I can't seem to let it go. Even though I know he didn't do anything. I want to tell him how I'm feeling, but Im worried it will just make it worse. Is my insecurity normal or am I totally overreacting?? Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I get males going to a strip club, and I am fine with my guy doing so. Not okay with the whole getting a lap dance business. Especially paying for one to be done. That would be a line that would be crossed for me. I know my guy has been in a position with a group of guys who were going to a strip club, but believe my husband when I say he's disguted by the places, and has opted out of going many times..So I know he's truthful. But knowing that he went, and actually enjoyed himself and PAID a girl to rub her crotch all over him is a line that I think shouldn't be crossed. I would be very upset and uncomfortable and wouldn't be shy expressing that. Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I think the insecurity is normal, but that doesn't mean it's healthy. Why does it make you feel insecure? Do you feel like your boyfriend loves you less now? Or that he doesn't want you as much anymore? I went to a stripclub once for my cousin's birthday, and I paid 10 dollars for a lapdance from this hot Brazilian guy named Gustavo. It didn't change how I felt about my boyfriend at all. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I think the insecurity is normal, but that doesn't mean it's healthy. Why does it make you feel insecure? Do you feel like your boyfriend loves you less now? Or that he doesn't want you as much anymore? I went to a stripclub once for my cousin's birthday, and I paid 10 dollars for a lapdance from this hot Brazilian guy named Gustavo. It didn't change how I felt about my boyfriend at all. Pretty much this. Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 The dynamic of strip clubs is totally different for men and women. When the men are taking their clothes off they almost harass the female patrons to buy lap dances. Also, I don't think women are sleeping with the male strippers I know for a fact that sex does happen at clubs for a certain price. And, there are female strippers who will go home with you for $300. A good girlfriend of mine was a bartender at one of the VIP clubs about 7 or 8 years ago when strip clubs were booming. The last time (last year) I went to a female stripper club, my bf freaked! I went with my sister and best friend. To be honest with you it was pathetic. I have seen better looking tellers at the bank. Seems the recession killed this industry as well....the girls were really desperate after their on stage performances, and collected very few requests for dances etc. I asked one of my guy friends who used to go a lot and he said free internet porn has killed the industry. I think you are letting yourself get worked up over nothing. These places have become boring. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 My fiancé and I have this same thing. If he is out with the guys and They want to go to a strip club I don't expect him to say no and come home on principle. I find getting a lap dance - another woman rubbing on him - borderline cheating so no lap dances. He knows this and is in agreement with it. I get males going to a strip club, and I am fine with my guy doing so. Not okay with the whole getting a lap dance business. Especially paying for one to be done. That would be a line that would be crossed for me. I know my guy has been in a position with a group of guys who were going to a strip club, but believe my husband when I say he's disguted by the places, and has opted out of going many times..So I know he's truthful. But knowing that he went, and actually enjoyed himself and PAID a girl to rub her crotch all over him is a line that I think shouldn't be crossed. I would be very upset and uncomfortable and wouldn't be shy expressing that. Link to comment
Trees1318 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Im not sure why it makes me feel insecure. Probably because of the fact that it makes me feel insufficient. No, I don't think his feelings have changed about me. I just don't want him to want me because of what a stripper did to him, if that makes sense. I'm not the kind of person who agrees with the 'as long as he eats at home' quote. It upsets me to think that he may have made the stripper feel sexy, because he should only make me feel sexy. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Oh my fiancé and I have the rule if he goes (or if I go) no sex that night, I'm in agreement - I dint want him worked up and then come home to release it. He can do that himself, lol Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Im not sure why it makes me feel insecure. Probably because of the fact that it makes me feel insufficient. No, I don't think his feelings have changed about me. I just don't want him to want me because of what a stripper did to him, if that makes sense. I'm not the kind of person who agrees with the 'as long as he eats at home' quote. It upsets me to think that he may have made the stripper feel sexy, because he should only make me feel sexy. I don't think it is healthy to depend on your boyfriend to make you feel sexy. That should come from within. So you've never done something that put you in a good mood, and then wanted to go home and share that with your boyfriend? To me, it's the same thing. Link to comment
xyzzzz Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 just imagin a hot guy getting all over you,how you would interact with him/feel him and how in the end it meant nothing and you still thought about your bf. do you feel better now? dont need to feel insecure about this. yes they are hot but doesnt mean he can have them,nor he wants to have them.just like you can see many hot guys on street and it would be ridiculous if your bf got worried over this,right? Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I think the insecurity is normal, but that doesn't mean it's healthy. Why does it make you feel insecure? Do you feel like your boyfriend loves you less now? Or that he doesn't want you as much anymore? I went to a stripclub once for my cousin's birthday, and I paid 10 dollars for a lapdance from this hot Brazilian guy named Gustavo. It didn't change how I felt about my boyfriend at all. I agree. I've had lapdances from males and females before. I also wouldn't mind if my fiance got one. Shoot, I'd probably want one side by side! It's all for laughs and about having a good time for most people. Doesn't change the fact that I am crazy for my fiance and he for me. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I never understood the you can go to the strip club but no lap dances, basically its the same as when the guys throw singles for the girls dancing on stage accept instead of 1 min of attention...... in the lap dance its a little more privacy and you get 5 mins of attention from the girl. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I never understood the you can go to the strip club but no lap dances, basically its the same as when the guys throw singles for the girls dancing on stage accept instead of 1 min of attention...... in the lap dance its a little more privacy and you get 5 mins of attention from the girl. Fr me I dont care if he looks, I know he is a male and I'm not the only hot bloodied woman he finds hot. However, having her rub her assets in front him - not to keen on that. It's all about finding someone who has the same preference as you really. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I suppose its also about comfort level. My husband and I view the whole lapdance thing along the lines of going to a club and having random people grind themselves on you. Its just something we don't think is right. But that's us. Just like I have no problems with him vieweing porn and vice versa, we've both been to strip clubs, [not by our choosing though really] watched, but just went along because our friends were going [out of town, bachelor/bachelorette party] but both feel its crossing a line by having someone rub themselves on you. But to each their own. I also am in a relationship where we voice our insecurities, period. If our partner does something that makes the other person uncomfortable..we talk about it with no judgement, no rudeness, no attacking...just an open mind and a willingness to work through it. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Certain details are best left unspoken. If you went, had a great time and I trust you, that's all I need to know. Link to comment
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