Shouldn't loving someone be easy?

[MadxMythMadame]

I think anyone who's ever been in love clearly knows that being in love isn't easy. It's not always happy. It's not always tragic. It's not always the storybook ending. I'm young, but old enough to see and been in relationships that show how easy it is to love that other person, and relationships that have twists and turns that make it seem like love is a terrible word for abuse.

 

So I ask you, fellow ENA readers: Shouldn't loving someone be easy?

I get that all relationships have rough patches, but what about the relationships that have drama left and right with no sign of endearment?

 

Personally, I think it should be. Sure, there are those days you just want to be with your friends, or by yourself, but who doesn't have those days right? Or, problems come up with family, personality traits you can't stand, etc. But at least, for a moment or two, I think you should be able to look at whoever it is (I mean, not all the time) and say, "I love you" with all the warmth in the world. There should be ease to it right? Even with a crazy person every once in a while?

[90_hour_sleep]

i think it IS easy in all honesty.

 

but we make it hard by imposing our expecations on it. and...imposing our expectations on those we claim to love. realistically...i think often we're in love with our own expectations of who people are. and while we may love a person...it's often overshadowed by those very expectations. if your ''love'' changes in a heartbeat from that warm sensation of gooeyness, to a feeling of angst and hostility...rest assured...that ''feeling'' wasn't love at all. not as i see it at least. not love for the person...but just love for what you thought about that person. what you thought (not necessarily what is.)!

 

Personally, I think it should be. Sure, there are those days you just want to be with your friends, or by yourself, but who doesn't have those days right? Or, problems come up with family, personality traits you can't stand, etc. But at least, for a moment or two, I think you should be able to look at whoever it is (I mean, not all the time) and say, "I love you" with all the warmth in the world. There should be ease to it right? Even with a crazy person every once in a while?

 

i agree. no...i don't think love conquers all...but i think loving someone is the easiest most natural thing there is. love/hate is a social farce. i can't think of anything more absurd. love turning to hate? seriously? that's the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard. i like what you've said here, MAD. if you're courageous enough to accept a person for who he/she is...then you've opened yourself to loving that person. even when there's something that bothers you...you can recognize that it's really your own selfish expectation of who that person should be that's creating that bothersome feeling. it's not a lack of love. and when you feel that this person is just so great because of this that and the other thing...well that's not really love either. again...just an expectation of who that person is and should continue to be...if they expect you to continue on loving them i mean. ha!! insanity.

 

with no expectation...love is perfect. it may not solve problems. it may not hold things together. but it's there...it's perfect...and it's altogether the most awesome thing there is! and...it's accessible to all...all the time. what could be more perfect than that?

[Capricorn3]

I think it IS easy. I have never found it to be tough going. It has never been hard. I guess because it was right for both of us and we made it work. It gets better as time goes on and for us it's really easy. We have mutual trust, mutual respect. I have never understood why so many people find it hard. I guess because people have so many unrealistic expectations and think in fairy tale terms, see everything through rose colored glasses, etc etc.

[lukeb]

It should be easy but in many cases it isn't. Loving a person who is terminally ill isn't easy. Loving someone who is depressed or has some other mental disorder isn't easy. Many examples out there where love isn't easy. That doesn't mean it isn't worth it, but in some cases it does mean that.

[ToF]

I really like what you've said here about expectations, 90_hour_sleep. From my own experiences, I've found that the more I let go of the expectations I have of my S.O., the more easily those feelings of love come, and the more generously I can give them.

 

Additionally, I think that "love" tends to cause people to place a lot of pressure on their S.O. The more you expect of a person, the more angst you feel when they fall short of those expectations. Eventually, it gets to a point where, even if you're not saying it explicitly, every interaction you have with your partner is screaming, "Why can't you be more _____?!". To me, it's not a wonder why so many relationships fall out of balance. I think it's very, very easy to think that it's okay to expect so much of a person, just because you love them.

 

But even with that said, love is easy. Love is warm and squishy and comforting and wonderful. Sometimes showing it is hard.. Sometimes receiving it is hard. Bring a relationship into the mix, and THAT part is hard. Trying to enmesh your life with a whole other, different person's? Of course that's not easy. But yeah.. the feeling is a piece of cake.

[OrangeSlice]

Should loving someone be easy?

 

Let me answer you this way.

Anything in life worth having never comes easy.

[MadxMythMadame]

Great post!

 

In a way, it's such a simple answer. Expectations... It's kind of contradicting the whole "loving unconditionally" ideal is. I feel like a lot of people, especially people my age, don't really know what that really means, or grasp the concept at all. There's so much manipulation and molding when it comes to relationships. It's like buying a dress that you fix so much, it doesn't work anymore. It's like, "why not find a dress that's something you completely love from the begin?" Why go against the grain, right?

 

Thanks everyone! It's giving me a better understand of relationships, especially those that aren't my own.

[90_hour_sleep]

It should be easy but in many cases it isn't. Loving a person who is terminally ill isn't easy. Loving someone who is depressed or has some other mental disorder isn't easy. Many examples out there where love isn't easy. That doesn't mean it isn't worth it, but in some cases it does mean that.

 

maybe being with someone and loving someone aren't the same things??

 

i can see what you're saying. being with someone who struggles with mental illness...that's at times exceedingly difficult. it requires massive amounts of patience...and compassion...and understanding. the same would go for any physical illness. these are not easy things to deal with.

 

but...should it really be difficult to love that person...for who that person is...illness and all? why should that be such a difficult thing. yes...maintaining a balanced relationship...difficult. couldn't agree more. but love?

 

suppose i see a distinction here. comes back to the 'love doesn't conquer all' argument. hmm. maybe love is what's possible when it's accepted that there's nothing to conquer at all.

[MadxMythMadame]

Should loving someone be easy?

 

Let me answer you this way.

Anything in life worth having never comes easy.

 

Well, of course not. If love was that easy, I don't think it would be as worth it. I guess, what I'm trying to get to is that there shouldn't be a sense of "have-to's" and "I-must's" when it comes to love. There should be some ease there because the sacrifice should be well worth is when it comes to those "loving" moments, right?

[OrangeSlice]

Well, of course not. If love was that easy, I don't think it would be as worth it. I guess, what I'm trying to get to is that there shouldn't be a sense of "have-to's" and "I-must's" when it comes to love. There should be some ease there because the sacrifice should be well worth is when it comes to those "loving" moments, right?

 

If you truly love someone, you wont ask people how to make it easier for you. If you truly love someone, the sacrifices you make will naturally seem worth it.

 

But, if the person you love wants you to make sacrifices you just don't feel comfortable or happy with, you dont have to make those sacrifices. Love is a two way street and both sides need to be in agreement with each other.

[ToF]

maybe being with someone and loving someone aren't the same things??

 

Exactly. Loving is easy; it's the "relationship" part of it that complicates things.