StillHopeful88 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I feel so broken right now. Everytime I feel like I’m moving on, everytime I feel like im moving forward, I fall right back down to that small, lonely hole where I used to be when we broke up. I’ve been working out, going out with friends, meeting new people and doing all those things you’re supposed to do. I’ve cut him off from facebook and we don’t talk anymore but I still find myself missing him on a daily basis and shedding those few tears occasionally throughout the weeks. It’s been almost 8 months, so why am I still feeling this way? Just a little background info, we were both eachothers first real relationship, we went out for almost 2 years, and we broke up (initiated by me) because of many issues, one of them being trust. I love him to death, and I feel so lost without him. All my dreams about our future together have been shattered and he was the only guy I brought home to my parents. Sometimes I get so angry at him for being who he was, for if he changed some of his ways, we could have still had a chance to be together. Why did something So great have to enter my life, only to have it leave? Why do great relationships happen to anyone, when eventually things go wrong and all we’re left with is heartaches and broken memories? I’m sorry for rambling, but I cant take it right now. I think I’ve been especially sad lately because he hasn’t tried contacting me at all. I feel like he’s doing better, and he’s so strong that he doesn’t feel the need to know what I’m doing with my life. Maybe it’s a control thing? I’m the one that broke up, and I’m the one that decided for us to stop contact, but inbetween this period of being broken up, I’ve been so weak and I’ve been the one to send random emails asking him how he’s doing, or making the occasional phone call. Maybe because I’m the girl and guys are stronger at controlling their emotions, but I can’t take not knowing what he’s doing, and who he’s doing it with. Overall, I miss him so much. I cant even talk to other guys because I feel guilty.. is that sad? I don’t want to flirt with other guys even, because I feel like I’m betraying him. Thinking of going into another relationship scares me, and all I can think of is how upset he’d be knowing I’m with someone else, because I know I’d be devastated if he was with another woman. I don’t know what to do. I want to stop hurting, and stop thinking of what could have been. I love him so much and I would do anything for him. I’d do anything to hear his voice or see him again, and I hate us both for ruining something that could have been so great. When will I get over this, and when can I finally start moving on with my life? I’ve been trying so hard. What am i doing wrong? Link to comment
lady6sky Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 hey, dont let him see you crwal lady! prentend!!!! Pretend you are ok, move on, make friends. Dont go out? Go on line! Just being aware of an issue is already a plus. Seems like he is doing good and u really should try the same. I hate to say that ,but I cured my broken heart with a new love. Hey hope it helps! Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 well since this is your first serios relationship thats the reason. i know it took me two years to get over my first ex. best thing you can do is let go. it hurts but thats because you love the person its compltly normal but once you get over them u will feel alot better and once u find some one better then him u will forget about him. if u need some one to talk to pm me Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 You say you broke up over trust issues, but that's awfully vague. Who didn't trust the other, and why? Link to comment
lady6sky Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 You probably thinking the "love" is actually gone with this person, but i will say that love, is the feeling that is inside of you, regardless of him . We dont really love people if you think about it. We love the way WE FEEL when we are with that person. Someone else will make you FEEL like that. Give some thought. Link to comment
StillHopeful88 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 You say you broke up over trust issues, but that's awfully vague. Who didn't trust the other, and why? It's a very long story but I didnt trust him. He would lie to me about little things to avoid confrontation, and that was one of our biggest problems. Link to comment
StillHopeful88 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 I'm scared to move on. I have absolutely no way of contacting him now as he's literally unreachable. He's done a great job in cutting me out of his life and keeping me out. I want to talk to him so badly and see if he's changed. I don't want to move on because I dont wan't to see him one day when i'm with someone else and regret not trying to make it work with him. What i'm scared of the most is my birthday which is coming up in a few months. I'm dying to see if he's going to say happy birthday. A part of me wants him to say it, because then i'll know he still cares, butthen again him contacting me would open up a whole bottle of wounds. I'm so confused right now thinking about it all just makes me more upset. Link to comment
lady6sky Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 hey, if someone wants to walk away from your life, -Let him go!!!!! Dont try to hold for dearlife someone who doesnt care or deserve you. good luck! browse in youtube madea relationship advice. 90% true 10% fun Link to comment
Benzo Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I'm really sorry that your feeling this way for so long. But like someone else said already, move on and pretend your happy and content should you ever run into him, don't keep dragging yourself through the mud here ok? Link to comment
StillHopeful88 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 Thank you so much for all the words of advice everyone, it really does help. I spent the most of today crying and reading old birthday cards/letters... and it finally hit me, WHY am i putting myself through SO MUCH PAIN? After a long hot shower i decided i need to make another attempt at rebuilding my life. I'm going to give all the cards/letters to my mom and ask her to hide them somewhere i wont be able to find. I just deleted all our emails, and i've already deleted most of our pictures together (i cant bring myself to delete them all..just yet) I'm going to try to stop talking abou thim, because I realized I reference his name all the time in conversations and dragging him into every aspect of my life as if he's still apart of it. I'm deactivating facebook even though we deleted eachother off it, but I still dont want his friends knowing what's going on with my life, nor do i want to see girls on facebook that i know like him/liked him, as that will only make me sad as well. Lastly, i'm going to try to put on a smile. They say smiling makes you happy even if you're upset, so i'm going to try to smile everytime a song,place,person, or thing reminds me of him and makes me want to think of him. I'm going to stop my thoughts of him from getting to deep whenever they arise, and i'm going to stop making myself feel like a vitctim. There are MANY people going through the same exact thing i'm going through, so i'm not alone. He's going through the same thing, and we had a breakup in which we both wanted to stay together, but didnt because we knew it wasnt working, so if anything he's the one other person that's going through exactly what i'm going through, but he's doing a far better job at coping than I am. Im going to stop thinking about the future, and the what ifs of our possible reconciliations, and just live in the present for now. Starting right now, i'm going to try again. Link to comment
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