6 mos. after breakup we go out 2 dinner! HELP!

[TwiLight172]

My boyfriend of almost 3 years and i broke up after he cheated on me. He had been going through this stage where all he wanted to do is party and drink. During one of those times he cheated on me. He broke it off with me because he said he didn't want to hurt me and couldn't forgive himself for what he had done to such a good person such as myself. We kept minimal contact throughout those 6 months...maybe once a month. Now we both find out that we are in a relationship with another person. He says the girl he is with is very nice and likes him a lot but he is not into her and feels he's only wasting her time because he is not over me. Then there is my new boyfriend who is so sweet and he shows potential. I really do like him although i do not love him yet. So we went out to dinner last night and it was very, very painful. He wore this bracelet that I had given him that symbolized our love for eachother...as cheesey as it may sound. I can't believe that half a year later we are still in love with each other. He asked me if i would go back with him, and i brought up the girlfriend he has and he said that if i wanted he'd break up with her right now in front of me. That he regrets so much ever breaking up with me and how he can and never will forgive himself for what he did to me. It hurts me so much because he was always so great to me. We were so in love with each other and we always had more good times than bad. I always felt that he was the love of my life. I'm angry and in pain because all these months all I ever wished was for this and now it is here and I do not know if I should go for it or not. I made promises to my new boyfriend. He is VERY much in to me and we've talked about how he sees us together for a long time, etc and I told him that I would never break his heart. Do you see the dilemma i am faced with? Do I keep moving forward or Do I go back? Please, it is tearing me apart and all I want to do is escape.

 

The goodbye was very emotional and ended with a hug and tears. He told me he loved me. Am I letting a soulmate slip away? Please help me, i can't stop crying. I need logical opinions and not just those that deal with the heart.

[OhJeeeez]

Well first off, no one can make this desicion but you. But, if I were in that situation, what I would do is right down all the pro's and con's of getting back together with him. Don't think about it, write it down. Then read it over and over. You will find the answer right in front of you.

 

This does take some deep thought though. And don't hold back, you are the only one reading it.

 

Try that out and see if it helps.

 

My opinion, move on, he hurt you inthe past, he may hurt you again. The other guy deserves a chance if you think there is something there worth trying.

 

Robb x

[winkie]

I am sorry that you are going through this situation. However, I think you should not be going out to dinner with someone who risked throwing a 3yr relationship out the window for party time. I have been cheated on and treated badly. I would never go backwards only forwards. Everyone makes mistakes but some people make them more then others.

[Day_Walker]

First of all there is a reason why you two broke up and that reason seems to be that he cheated on you (one or multiple times it is unclear). You need to keep this in mind not just because of the act itself but it shows you that he acts selfishly. Another point to mention is that he is with a new girl that he is not "into", this also shows that he is acting selfishly because he is with a girl for other reasons than liking her. If these two points arent red flags then you are choosing to ignore them.

Think about what you are telling yourself you are willing to get back with a guy who cheated on you and who you know acts selfishly for a guy who hasnt done anything wrong. You have even thrown around the word "soulmate", now why would your soulmate cheat on you, if you believe in soulmates at all wouldnt you think that if he was really your soulmate that he wouldnt cheat on you? The choice seems very obvious on who you should pick but sadly it is already clear who you will pick, so when you have more problems with your ex (soon to be bf) remember the advice you ignored.

[TwiLight172]

dont know if this is even improtant but when he cheated on me it was a one time thing. But I am not ignoring the advice I am given. That is why I am here because I do not want to just listen to my heart...sometimes that is not the best thing to do.

[kekep]

it sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do, and the only way he can do that is by you showing him that, as much as you want to be with him, you don't need him in your life. i know you still have a lot of feelings for him (believe me, i understand), but he needs to realize what a special person you are before you can allow him back into your life. when you make it easy for a person to come back to you, you make yourself easy to be taken advantage of and that person respects you less because they think of you as a doormat. this isn't to say this guy doesn't care about you, but the person you need to love the most is yourself, and at this stage i would be very VERY protective of myself and my heart if i were you. if he REALLY wants to be with you, he will find a way to prove it, but at this point HE is the one who needs to worry about getting back with you. i would just play it cool and see what happens, but definitely don't put your heart on your sleeve at any point...hope this makes sense