Letting friends stay at my house - does this count as being taken advantage of…?

[Allyo]

So I have been letting three girls stay at my house (I am renting). Supposedly they don’t have money and are looking for work. They are all recent graduates. Now I am friends with one of the girls, but the truth is… she sort of reappeared after not having talked to her for a while. A while back she did me a huge favor, so I guess I feel like I am sort of returning the favor now. Yet I would consider the other two girls acquaintances more than anything else. Now they have paid for their food at least, but I sort of offered my house rent-free to them for a week or two while they sort their stuff out. So they haven’t given me any sort of other contribution.

 

I felt good about doing this as a favor, but I am beginning to feel taken advantage of. They supposedly don’t have money, yet they have gone out to bars several times and all of a sudden are planning a trip to Central America. They have to have some money if they are really planning that trip seriously!

 

One night we were up late, and one of the girl’s boyfriends asked to spend the night since he lives far away and didn’t want to drive home. I said yes, but then he subsequently spent 3 nights at the house. I feel like this was really testing the boundaries. He seemed like a really nice guy, but the fact remained that I had just met him and it was my house.

 

I now regret not saying anything and two weeks have passed.

 

To make matters more complicated my boyfriend is coming to live with me my starting tomorrow, and I have a month left of the rent contract. The plan is to spend the rest of this month looking for a place that we both like and then move there together. He is splitting the costs with me 50-50 for this remaining month, and so I feel like it wouldn’t be fair to him to keep these girls around, although obviously he is already informed of the situation.

 

I explained this situation to another friend… but he sort of told me that I can’t kick them out now after I offered the place to them! I agree that I should have known better, but now that my boyfriend is arriving it really changes the dynamic of the situation.

 

What would be the best way to get myself out of this mess?!

[metrogirl]

But you didn't offer the place to the girls indefinately did you?

[Allyo]

But you didn't offer the place to the girls indefinately did you?

 

From the start they told me they would just spend "a couple of weeks." A couple of weeks have gone by, and now it looks like their stay is extending indefinitely.

 

Either way because of my rent contract none of us can stay more than 1 month here. Yet I feel like my boyfriend and I could be off to a bad start under these circumstances...

[agent1607307371]

How would your landlord react if s/he knew that you had three people (occassionally four, possible five) staying with you?

 

Do they know that you will be giving the place up in a month or so?

[metrogirl]

From the start they told me they would just spend "a couple of weeks." A couple of weeks have gone by, and now it looks like their stay is extending indefinitely.

 

Either way because of my rent contract none of us can stay more than 1 month here. Yet I feel like it my boyfriend and I could be off to a bad start under these circumstances...

 

Then you politely tell them that you were happy to help out for the few weeks that you did and while you feel bad that they are broke, you need to concentrate on your pending move with your boyfriend and you wish them all the best.

[PaintWithLight]

Your first mistake was not setting a definite cut-off date. In your mind, you thought everyone agreed to 1-2 weeks temporary lodging as they get themselves sorted. But now it has been two weeks and.......???

 

You cannot blame them for taking advantage. You did say you were repaying a favor. However, you need to call a meeting and get somethings agreed upon immediately. You now run the risk of "not being cool" if you hurry them out but this mess is what you get when things are not set in stone from the beginning. They just slip and slip....and slip.

 

Call the meeting and get things clear. Perhaps they may surprise you and already have an exit planned. Otherwise, apologize for not being able to accommodate them any longer but by _______, they have to move out. Clear, open and decisive.

[greywolf]

I would tell them that you are giving them a couple of days to find another place. Don't feel guilty. Those kind of people always find someone to take advantage of. You're not the only person they have.

[Allyo]

How would your landlord react if s/he knew that you had three people (occassionally four, possible five) staying with you?

 

Do they know that you will be giving the place up in a month or so?

 

Hmm, the funny thing is that I actually get along really well with the landlord! I don't think he would have much of a problem with it.

 

They know I am giving the place up, but I just really don't want them to be around the whole month!

[Samedy]

Try being up front, ask them when they plan to leave...

 

You could also bring up the fact that you are going to be leaving at the end of the month and need the house to be empty (no guests) so you can pack and organize your own stuff.

[Allyo]

Your first mistake was not setting a definite cut-off date. In your mind, you thought everyone agreed to 1-2 weeks temporary lodging as they get themselves sorted. But now it has been two weeks and.......???

 

You cannot blame them for taking advantage. You did say you were repaying a favor. However, you need to call a meeting and get somethings agreed upon immediately. You now run the risk of "not being cool" if you hurry them out but this mess is what you get when things are not set in stone from the beginning. They just slip and slip....and slip.

 

Call the meeting and get things clear. Perhaps they may surprise you and already have an exit planned. Otherwise, apologize for not being able to accommodate them any longer but by _______, they have to move out. Clear, open and decisive.

 

The situation really is totally my fault! I should have known better, but I also took "a couple weeks" pretty seriously. My plan is to let them know tonight... I am thinking about telling them that they have until Friday to find another place.

[Samedy]

To add:

 

This is a passive aggressive approach: This is your place and they are just staying there. So it is more than acceptable for you to ask for them to not be at the house on certain days. I.e., "My boyfriend is coming over for dinner/movie etc, you can't be here". Start making it less convienent for them to be at your house.

[Allyo]

I would tell them that you are giving them a couple of days to find another place. Don't feel guilty. Those kind of people always find someone to take advantage of. You're not the only person they have.

 

I am sure they could find somewhere else to stay. I guess that's the weird part - why they asked me! But either way, I feel taken advantage not just because their stay has extended but because of their attitude. They have not been outright rude, but I know if I were in their situation I would be a lot more grateful and not invite my boyfriend to stay over.

[Allyo]

To add:

 

This is a passive aggressive approach: This is your place and they are just staying there. So it is more than acceptable for you to ask for them to not be at the house on certain days. I.e., "My boyfriend is coming over for dinner/movie etc, you can't be here". Start making it less convienent for them to be at your house.

 

Hahaha, this made me laugh because it sounds like something I would actually do! Sometimes I have a really hard time saying no... trust me, it gets me into a lot of problems!!

[RedDress]

Hmm... it's funny how people have differing opinions.

 

Honestly? I think you are being a bit weird/stressy about it. At most, it's going to be a month. Are you really, REALLY being put in a hardship for the sake of a month? It's a transitional time for you and your bf, anyways.

 

I dunno. You offered. It's at most a month. Asking other people to find another place to live in the space of 4-5 days is unreasonable, IMO. Especially when they don't have resources.

 

You should have thought of all this before you said "yes". Now I think you should suck it up. Otherwise, you risk taking a beautiful thing (helping out some friends) and turning it into an ugly thing (putting them in a bad spot). It's not like you'll be settling with your bf in the span of that month... you'll barely be around anyways (looking for a new place, packing, etc).

 

JMO

[Allyo]

Thanks for the input. This is basically what my other friend told me when I asked him for advice. That I just need to suck it up for a little while...

 

Maybe if I were better friends with them I wouldn't be feeling taken advantage of.

 

The truth is, moving in with my boyfriend is a big step for me. I am nervous, and I worried that the presence of these 3 girls could throw things off. Especially since this first month is sort of a test for us to figure out how we feel being in each other's space and all that.

 

We have mutual friends, so in the case that I kick them out by Friday I know it would stir gossip and I could come out looking like the bad guy in the situation....

[metrogirl]

Thanks for the input. This is basically what my other friend told me when I asked him for advice. That I just need to suck it up for a little while...

 

Maybe if I were better friends with them I wouldn't be feeling taken advantage of.

 

The truth is, moving in with my boyfriend is a big step for me. I am nervous, and I worried that the presence of these 3 girls could throw things off. Especially since this first month is sort of a test for us to figure out how we feel being in each other's space and all that.

 

We have mutual friends, so in the case that I kick them out by Friday I know it would stir gossip and I could come out looking like the bad guy in the situation....

 

Or the mutual friends can take the moochers in. *shrugs*

[greywolf]

She's not giving them just a couple of days to find a place. They should've been looking for a new place for the whole couple of weeks that they've been there. They've had plenty of time. She's not responsible for them if they haven't been looking. Plus, they asked for a place to stay for only a couple of weeks and she has already let them stay longer.

 

And as I said earlier, these type of people always find someone to take care of them.

[catcountry]

I'm 100% w/ Greywolf. They are freeloaders. You gave then the time they asked for...IT IS TIME FOR THEM TO GO.

[geekgirl4]

Think of it this way. The toughest part about these situations is that you don't want to have bad relations with a friend. BUT, at the same time, what kind of friend mooches off another friend? None! Because that's not a friend at all, so you have no reason to feel bad or guilty. I think its terrible that they're going out and spending money on frivolous things (bars, vacation trips) and not giving a cent to you for rent. You don't have to be rude but you can certainly be immovable on the subject of them moving out within a week's time. Stand strong and don't be afraid to be honest because these are certainly not the kind of "friends" I'd worry about offending.

[geekgirl4]

I dunno. You offered. It's at most a month. Asking other people to find another place to live in the space of 4-5 days is unreasonable, IMO. Especially when they don't have resources.

 

But they do have resources, considering that they're going out to the bars and planning a trip to South America.