ChellyV Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I have been the recipient of silent treatment for more than a week now by my now ex boyfriend, a classic character trait of a narcissist. It was only the past 2 days that I have discovered these traits and therefore I put myself through a year of torture and feelings of worthlessness, being unhappy, depressed for who I was. He had stopped talking to me for a week before I decided to mail him a letter to formally terminate the relationship, which is the best I can attain for closure. I am tempted to email him and make him see that he is a narcissist but from what I gather this will be an effort in vain. Thinking, what is my goal in emailing, then I simply just let the desire go. Afterall, it may be a start of an endless spat and opening a can of worms. Something I do not need right now. Reading through this website I can see that I am not alone in this. Can someone please help me what I need to do on the interim? The pain is lingering although there is a lot of feelings of relief and hopefulness towards the future. Did the pain just go away? I am feeling resentful that I was used. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Telling a narcissist that they're a narcissist is like telling a woman she's a man. It's not going to happen. Check out these threads, lot of good advice in here to check out, as well. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 A narcissist is very proud of their narcissistic traits..so telling him that he is a narcissist will just have him saying "yeah, so what". The silent treatment is not necessarily a sign of a narcissist..it is the sign of someone who likes to have the upper hand..the one in control. The silent treatment is used to make the other person squirm. What you need to do is thank your lucky stars you are no longer with him and just blow off his silent treatment as his problem...his character defect. It has no bearing on you. Link to comment
twitchyfingers Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I agree with Crazyaboutdogs. Really, at this point, it doesn't matter if he fits some diagnostic label. You don't need external validation from him, or anyone else, to know that he was behaving poorly. I understand the temptation to rip him a new one via a letter, but maybe you should just write it and not send it -- use it as part of your own healing. That's the only thing you need to focus on at this point. You are well rid of a guy who pouts like a little boy! Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Telling a narcissist that they're a narcissist is like telling a woman she's a man. It's not going to happen. Check out these threads, lot of good advice in here to check out, as well. Like it. My also had narcissitic traits, in fact during a recon period she callled me the narcissist! I am the who has empathy and has apologized a million times and realized my mistakes! That's a narc for you. From my experience, she had beat me down so much, I just started realizing who I was again and all my great qualities and traits. You really must focus on yourself, ask friends to describe you, write down all your positives several times. Even though I am not totally over my ex, the hardest part was remembering I was a great boyfriend, a great individual, a great worker, etc... Getting my personality back. All that was hard as hell, but once I found it and got my confidence.back, things have gotten a lot easier. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 You already wrote a breakup letter, what more is there to say? Do you expect to tell him, "I've done some research and I've decided to diagnose you..." and have him respond, "Oh, thank you thank you for that..." He's likely to swat you like a gnat--and then you'll only feel insulted on top of what you already feel. It's not your job to police someone else's behavior, it's just your job to look out for yourself and walk away from anyone who mistreats you--EARLY. From there, keep your eyes on your own paper and create new goals for yourself to meet. Head high. Link to comment
ChellyV Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Thank you all. It helped me a lot to just keep that reality that there is no point in keeping contact or simply FYI email that yes, you are a narcissist. I guess I was just being vengeful because the last phone conversation I had with him, he made me feel utterly unloved and unwanted. Thank God that only a few days after I woke up and realized, nothing that was said by him was true. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 Someone's inability to recognize your unique gifts speaks of their deficiency, not yours. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.