Did you meet your online friend and was is awkward?

[hippychick11]

ahhh I'm meeting my internet friend I've been talking to for 3 years in a month and I'm so excited but nervous at the same time!

 

I worry that we won't have the same amazing chemistry we have on the internet and on the phone.

 

I know that I will like him however he looks, I know some people have said they're not what they expected to look like etc

 

I'm coming from another country so should I bring a gift? it could be something to help break the ice a bit I was thinking.

 

Have you ever met your online friend and was is awkward?

[Ariel85]

You're still going to bother to meet this tool bag? After three years, he tells you he can POSSIBLY spare an hour for a coffee, if you're in the same place, and you're asking if you should bring a gift?

 

Honey - cancel the trip. The guy either has a GF, or is going to blow you off.

[hers]

I've met online friends, but not ones I was in a cyber relationship with.

 

I've even met a few friends off of this site. It was awkward at first but once you realize you're still talking tot he same person, only face to face.

[Ascending]

seriously, what the hell Ariel85??

 

At one forum I go to, I met about 7 other members all at once, we went to movies and ate. No, not awkward at all. I forget what we talked about exactly, but it was good. We all keep in touch and meet up again sometimes.

 

Met my girlfriend online too, when we met it was instant click. If we clicked online, we click in real life.

 

 

"I'm coming from another country so should I bring a gift? it could be something to help break the ice a bit I was thinking."

 

HECK yeah! You're right, it will break the ice, and it's awesome! if I got a souvenir from another country, I'd be ecstatic! It doesn't even have to be expensive, a t-shirt or a mug or whatever. Even coins of any denomination! I think that's a great idea.

[Ariel85]

seriously, what the hell Ariel85??

 

At one forum I go to, I met about 7 other members all at once, we went to movies and ate. No, not awkward at all. I forget what we talked about exactly, but it was good. We all keep in touch and meet up again sometimes.

 

Met my girlfriend online too, when we met it was instant click. If we clicked online, we click in real life.

 

 

 

 

HECK yeah! You're right, it will break the ice, and it's awesome! if I got a souvenir from another country, I'd be ecstatic! It doesn't even have to be expensive, a t-shirt or a mug or whatever. Even coins of any denomination! I think that's a great idea.

 

You need to read her other thread before you go screaming.

[Oneironaut]

Heh...well, I did read your other thread, but, that's not what you're asking on this one, so, I'll refer to your question on this thread.

 

I also met my boyfriend in an online game, and we had instant chemistry. He lives in Canada, on the east coast, and I live in Oregon, on the west coast of the United States. After 9 months, I had the opportunity to go meet him. In our case, our chemistry in-person was an instantaneous as it was online. We met in the food court of a mall near his home, and hugged for a full minute the moment we saw each other...aliens could have been attacking the mall, and we'd not have noticed. Five minutes later, we were kissing in the parking lot, lol...we went on to have an incredible 5 days together.

 

So to answer the title of this thread, no, it wasn't awkward in the least. But, we did worry a LOT beforehand that our online chemistry wouldn't translate into "real life"...that is a chance you will have to take, if you're going to go through with this.

 

I wish you the best of luck...after reading your other posts, I suspect you're going to need it.

 

Edited to add: No, don't worry about bringing a gift. If he truly cares for you, then your visiting him is the best gift you can give.

 

However, I am a bit disturbed by this:

 

I know that I will like him however he looks, I know some people have said they're not what they expected to look like etc

 

Three years, and you're not entirely sure what he looks like??

 

Wow...my boyfriend and I were on webcam within a few weeks of meeting online. He was, and still is, the hottest guy I have ever been with, and he says I am beautiful. I do not think I would have spent the money to go see him if I weren't even sure what he looks like!!

 

Yeah, I stand by my previous well-wish..good luck, I REALLY think you're going to need it.

[hippychick11]

I know I've already lost the respect from all of you because of what I have said in my previous posts which sucks, you all seem like cool, open minded people.

 

I'm just nervous myself about meeting up with this guy but I don't think it's that big of a deal, It's not like I want to marry him and I'm prepared for any rejection that may come.

 

I believe our relationship is unique as is everyone's in their own way and I know him well, we talk every night for hours. He wouldn't intentionally let me down or want to hurt me.

[Ariel85]

I haven't lost respect for you at all. I think you're not realizing the rejection has already come, though.

 

What will you do if you come all this way and he blows you off entirely? I mean, after three years to tell you he can only spare one hour for coffee is beyond inexcusable and reprehensible. I'm not sure why you're not processing it as such...

 

You say he wouldn't let you down nor hurt you, but his response to your flying to the US to meet him was less than limited interest.

[hippychick11]

But Ariel don't you think that coffee is the best option anyway? I don't know if he will like me or if i will like him, it would be really awkward if he had made all these plans and we didn't get along offline.

I'm not going to america just to see him, i've made my own plans and i would really like to meet some new people. Regardless if he likes me or not, I still will have an amazing holiday.

[Ariel85]

After three years, I would expect a bit more than a drive-by, you know? I mean, you said you talk to him for hours a night, and have for three years, yet in person, he can spare perhaps an hour for some joe?

 

I don't like it. I think you, or anyone in your position, deserves a whole lot better. The whole thing is shady as hell, and I really fear he'll blow you off.

 

But, that all being said, if you're going for other reasons, and not just to meet him, and he's a very small blip of your vacation, then sure - meet him, as I think if you don't, you'll always wonder.

 

But, if he blows you off, are you going to be OK?

[Angelstar30]

oneironaut - I had been talking to my now boyfriend off and on for about 3 years or so before we met, and I had never seen his photo. By the time I did see a photo of him, I realized it didn't matter what he looked like, as the emotional connection was already there and what he looked like just didn't matter at all.

 

So yes - I did meet somebody off of a message board once. My family and I flew out to Disneyworld, and we got to spend time together. It wasn't awkward at all. We had already been chatting so long, that the only difference was was that I was able to touch him and smell him. He wasn't worried about the chemistry being there in person, but I was nervous about it for months leading up to our trip. Thank Goodness it turned out I had nothing to worry about.

[Capricorn3]

I wouldn't fly to another country - all the way from Australia to the USA just for a cup of coffee and a meeting of barely one hour. That's one very very expensive cup of coffee!! It wouldn't surprise me if he has a girlfriend, hence his lack of enthusiasm in wanting to meet you after a three year "relationship".

 

But I'm a little confused. Just a few days ago you said you broke up with him? "It would normally be exciting but I've just broken up with him, so I won't be meeting him anymore

 

As to the question, yes, I have met an online friend and no, it wasn't awkward. It went well.

[Oneironaut]

Well, I have no wish to derail the thread with a debate about how important looks are with regard to chemistry, but the fact is, as visual creatures, we all have ideas about what we find attractive, what we find UNattractive.

 

It's great to talk to someone for 3 years or whatever, but if she meets him in person, and he is what she personally considers to be blatantly UNattractive, the chemistry most likely will not be there, regardless of the psychological and emotional connection.

 

Chemistry is not JUST about emotion, it is about physical attraction, as well. To ignore that part of the equation is naive, at best.

[sidehop]

Little gift would be nice although I'm sure you realize you're taking a bit of a risk here.

 

Just stay safe and make sure your family and friends know where you're at. Trust your instincts.

[ibu]

I'm not going to comment on the "just coffee" situation, I have my own thoughts about that but that's not the advice you're asking for in THIS thread.

 

Last year I realized I developed feelings for a penpal/friend after about 8 months of contact with each other. Then we did a few weeks of dancing around the issue but it was obvious...we both admitted to feelings and that this could possibly be more. I had already spoken to him on the phone and seen him on webcam at that point, and we exchanged many videos of just very mundane stuff, our apartments, our pets, ourselves cooking our country's cuisine (we both love food, lol), etc....

I had a pretty good idea of what to expect.

We had to wait about half a year longer to meet because of our professional situations and the fact that we're 6000 miles apart and it's not just like I can take the weekend off to see him, you know...

I finally met him last November (I flew to his country) and it was perfect. I was a little nervous meeting him, but the nerves just went away the minute I laid eyes on him. He was exactly the same as in our online convo and even better. The chemistry was there and perhaps even more so. Ugh, I'm head over heels for this guy.

Needless to say I had the best holiday of my life!!!

[kelless]

OP, I likewise flew halfway accross the world to meet a man from my dating website recently. Actually initially I was hoping that we would just have a coffee and see how things go instead of viewing my visit as some long lost love reunion. Perhaps that is the mentality your guy has (sorry I haven't read your other threads, but merely wanted to suggest). In any case, go with an open mind and there won't be awkwardness. Accept in your heart whatever the outcome of your trip maybe, you are interested in finding out more about this person and your conversation and curiosity about this man will come naturally. If you are going in with the mentality that once you meet there will be fireworks in the sky, then you are setting yourself up for a pitfall because either:

 

a) you like what you see without having proper discernment of whether he feels the same about you in real life and you get into a presumptuous situation which might scare him off.

 

b) you don't like what you see but because of your expectations you don't want to leave home empty handed and will go all out to try and impress a guy who is not worthy of it.

 

My tips would be ask questions about the weather, about what's on the news, treat this as if you are meeting someone new for the first time. Bringing a small gift is a cool idea. I did the same with my online date and he loved what I gave him!

[Batya33]

I met a long time on line friend last year -I actually joined him on his second date (well, part of it) with a woman he met from my city through the same dating web site in which we originally had contact 5 years earlier. We'd never dated because of the distance but stayed in touch over the years. I didn't find it awkward at all - he's a great person, period. I think his date did though lol.

 

I met one or two women through on line sites in person and found it awkward despite having chatted on the phone and email for a long time (I mean platonically!). My favorite was an on line friend who invited me to her wedding -the first time we were to meet! I went and we've met three times since then and are very close friends.

 

I often found with meeting men through dating sites that there was no chemistry in person and found no phone chemistry despite clicking on email so I tried to meet in person ASAP.

[mines]

I did meet my online friend. . . .

It was a long flight from the U.S. to the U.K. so lots of time for nervousness.

 

We had emailed hundreds of times, text messaged, talked on the phone for hours, and skyped/web-cammed.

 

There was truly a connection - but I was so nervous.

I was in the back of the plane, and it took forever for the huge aircraft to clear, then get to a washroom, and freshen up quickly and I was the last one through customs - omg...heathrow was desloate. But there he stood, with a bouquet of roses and a warm hug and kiss.

 

Hmmm he looked the same....but he was smaller. I am petite, 5'2" 110, but his pics made him look taller/bigger in real life he was so small.

 

I was ok with that - I am into the mental/emotional connection....if the mental part clicks it is usually ok sexually/physically.

 

We had a nice hug and kiss, then we went to a dif level of the airport, then after washroom visits, he came out, I was waiting, and we had a nice embrace and a proper kiss. Next, a 2 hour drive to Sudbury.....and honestly once we were at his, it was awkward, and I was nervous.

Still....after a bit of time it was clear - we were the same people, same connection, and same chemistry as online, and our time together was so fulfilling. It was great. We both cried when I left, and made immediate plans for us to see each other again, he was in the u.s. only 3 months after, for a two week stay that went equally well.

 

Good luck with meeting your online guy. It is an adventure, life is short, live it , as full as you can. Take risks.....cuz you only go around once. After this.....we have no clue ....likely it is Game over.....

 

I have read some of your threads....seriously.....you are free to choose what you want to do with your life. Take care of yourself, but, have an adventure, if you can.

[hippychick11]

I don't know what's wrong with me, I always seem to fall for guys that can be cold and ignore me and reject the ones that actually like me and show me attention lol.

I have a really strong gut feeling that this guy maybe won't even meet me when I'm there but I just want him to be upfront and honest with me NOW before i get there and have to deal with that.

It really amazes me that he's acting this way about it when I treat him so well and I would do anything for him. It's nice to read other people's experiences and their boyfriends meet them at the airport, that's so romantic and shows they care I think.

Another crazy thing I've been doing is calling him like 5 times in a row and he doesn't answer but I feel this need to keep trying lol.

He is so amazing online to me, he's romantic and sweet and gives me hours of his time every day but when it comes to real life he's checking out, why is this? argh

[hippychick11]

Also, Capricorn3 - I was going to break it off with him but he has this way to reel me back in, I love him...I know that's weird considering we haven't met but I do. I can't even imagine dating anyone else where I live because I'm so hung up on him and I see a future with him. I hate myself for it because I know he doesn't truly love me back and I won't allow myself to move on and be happy.

[Batya33]

Think of love as a verb not a feeling -is he acting in a loving way? The "but I love him" has no relevance to calling him 5 times a day or being a victim to be reeled in. If you wanted to show you cared you wouldn't call him 5 times in a row -because it would be about him and his obvious need for space not about you and your feelings.

 

Many peope enjoy flirting/typing/talking behind a computer screen but are not interested-or that interested -in meeting in real life. Sometimes it's because they've been lying or are not single but very often it's because they're content to keep things within the boundaries of a computer. No need to break up -consider him a chat buddy you flirt with and that your feelings of being in a romantic relationship don't have a foundation in reality -and that if you want it to be real he likely does not. I would move on for your own well being.

[hers]

Love this post.

[hippychick11]

That all sounds great in theory but you're just telling me to switch off my feelings and just accept him as a 'chat buddy i flirt with'...after 3 years of us being in a relationship and developing a strong connection with him.

 

I'd just like some honesty, if this is all he wants and doesn't want to know me in real life so be it, I would be fine with that if he told me that's the way it is. He talks about us being together in real life sometimes and although to him this may be fantasy, it makes me want it even more.

 

So Batya, I think it's easy enough to give an objective opinion on this, call me a desperate idiot and that I should just move on but it's really damn hard, I don't expect you to understand where I'm coming from.

[superfox]

But you don't even know if he's going to turn up for coffee, that's not a 3 year relationship

[hippychick11]

I'm worried he might ditch me superfox but I HAVE to do this right now or else I'll regret it, I feel like I've been putting my life on hold for this relationship and this trip will give me whatever closure I need to move on.

Either way I'm excited about my trip!! ahhh it's in less than a month now!

I hope he does at least meet me...we'd have such a good time together I know it.