superfox Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I'm worried he might ditch me superfox but I HAVE to do this right now or else I'll regret it, I feel like I've been putting my life on hold for this relationship and this trip will give me whatever closure I need to move on. Either way I'm excited about my trip!! ahhh it's in less than a month now! I hope he does at least meet me...we'd have such a good time together I know it. Ah well, I hope you have an amazing trip anyway, just don't pin the whole thing on him ok! You'll love it, keep us informed x Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 That all sounds great in theory but you're just telling me to switch off my feelings and just accept him as a 'chat buddy i flirt with'...after 3 years of us being in a relationship and developing a strong connection with him. I'd just like some honesty, if this is all he wants and doesn't want to know me in real life so be it, I would be fine with that if he told me that's the way it is. He talks about us being together in real life sometimes and although to him this may be fantasy, it makes me want it even more. So Batya, I think it's easy enough to give an objective opinion on this, call me a desperate idiot and that I should just move on but it's really damn hard, I don't expect you to understand where I'm coming from. No -I am telling you to change your behavior not your feelings - you feel what you feel but you control your reaction to how you feel- and if you want to act in a loving way you don't call someone 5 times in a row- that is selfish behavior and selfish is the opposite of being loving. I never said it was easy to move on. What I used to do -I met over 100 men in person through on line dating sites and with one exception if they didn't agree to meet after a few emails and phone calls I moved on. The one exception -we typed and talked on and off for 6 weeks - and when he popped up again after a one week hiatus I agreed to meet him. If he won't set a time and a place then understand that you need to watch the feet -what he does -not the lips -what he says. It's not at all easy to move on -not sure where you think I even hinted at that in my post -but you need to distance yourself ASAP. One of my friends was in love with her on line friend for 3 years -they met once -she flew hundreds of miles to meet him - they went out a few times and for the following 2 years she pined away while he kept saying he would visit her and he kept making up excuses -lamer and lamer - why he couldn't. She declined my offers to set her up on dates while she pined away. Now she is 46. She met her future husband 6 months ago and they got engaged after three months of dating. They plan to try to get pregnant. The odds of course are against her. I'm not saying her fiancee would have been available when she was younger and wasting her time on her online friend but when you're facing that loud biological clock at 46 how must it feel to know you wasted three years of your precious time on some on line person who was ambivalent about meeting in real life/ Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Hippy - why is your gut telling you he'll blow you off? And if he does, how will you react to that? And I agree with you, it would be nice if he told you in advance, but I think him telling you that he *might* be able to spare an hour for coffee, after three years of contact, is kind of his way of letting you know. WDYT? Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I think he might blow me off because of the way he is acting about it right now. It's less than a month away and he has said he'll meet me for coffee if we're both in the same place but he hasn't made any plans with me yet or asked me what days I will be there. I know he doesn't want any pressure, hes told me this several times and I get it, I don't think pressure would be good either, we might not feel the same way IRL. I justtt wishh he would make a date and place to spend with me then at least I can know he's thought about it and he wants to meet me, rather than me getting there and he ditches me. Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I don't think I'm going to bring it up with him again until he mentions it first, there's no use in fighting with him or being mad about it. Do you agree? It does no good in torturing him about it, if he doesn't want to then that's his choice. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I hear you. It's fair, considering the investment you've made. Maybe you back off now entirely for a bit and see what he does? You've contacted him plenty on this, so he knows the ball is in his court. I know you're anxious to make plans, but I'd sit back right now and let him make the next move. How's the rest of the vacation shaping up? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Just throwing something out there ..... but is it possible this guy is married or in a relationship with another girl? I just find it extremely odd that someone who has been in an online "relationship" for three years with someone, is not excited or enthusiastic in any way at all to meet up in real life. Something seems very off here (imo), or is it just me? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 No, you're not. This was raised a few times in her other thread, so I know Hippy is aware of it as being a strong option. Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Capricorn3 - I've thought about that myself and I dont think it's possible for the fact that he works a 9-5 job everyday and then talks to me for hours every night but of course I'm not there so how can I really know right? I find it so weird myself that he's not enthusiastic at all! I just don't get it Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Ariel85 - I'm affraid if I back off now that I won't get the chance to meet him when I'm there and its only weeks away now. I'm not going to mention this trip to him again though, there's no point. On a positive note, I have almost everything planned for my trip... I'm really excited!! Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I've mentioned this in another thread but he met a woman online last year and took her to a sporting event and to a museum. I think that has a lot to do with me being jealous that he doesn't want to make plans with me Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I find it so weird myself that he's not enthusiastic at all! I just don't get it Yep, something isn't 100% kosher here. There is definitely something else going on which you are not aware of. This is not the way things go when people have known each other for that length of time, have the opportunity to meet, and suddenly one is really backing off and not excited/enthusiastic. Something is not quite white in the milk, lol. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Is this your first time to the US? I have a close friend who lives in Oz, and always teases me about Americans overuse of cheese on everything. lol And I don't mean ignore him, I mean don't bring up meeting again. He knows you're coming, and he knows you've pressed him to commit to something. At this point, I'd let it ride until he brings it up again. Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 lol yes this is my first time to the USA, i wasn't aware of the cheese thing! and that's great because i love cheese so bring it on! Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Can I torture you guys with one more question? lol I've asked him why he isnt as excited or even interested in me coming there and he basically says he is but he doesn't want there to be any pressure as I might not like him and he's not happy about me choosing his town because it's crappy, that's what he says. So is that a reasonable excuse? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Sounds like a weird excuse to me, lol. OP: May I ask how old you guys are? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Ha ha ha! I never really thought about it until he brought it up, but he's right. We have dishes that have cheese for every meal. No wonder we're a fat nation. lol Everytime we're IM'ing and I cut off to go have lunch, he asks if it's a grilled cheese or the like. Expect portions of food to be huge, cars to be large (trucks), and people to mimick your accent and ask if you're from England. lol Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Can I torture you guys with one more question? lol I've asked him why he isnt as excited or even interested in me coming there and he basically says he is but he doesn't want there to be any pressure as I might not like him and he's not happy about me choosing his town because it's crappy, that's what he says. So is that a reasonable excuse? Maybe. It's one of the three things: 1 - he's involved with someone else 2 - he's misrepresented himself somehow 3 - he's ashamed of something else, like his home, family, etc. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Maybe. It's one of the three things: 1 - he's involved with someone else 2 - he's misrepresented himself somehow 3 - he's ashamed of something else, like his home, family, etc. Those reasons sound reasonable to me. If not all three, than at least #2. Me thinks all three sound about right. Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Capricorn3, I'm 24 and he's 27 so not much age difference there, not that it matters of course. Ariel85, lol I don't even feel like I have an accent but that should be interesting when I get to the US! I also can't wait to go shopping, apparently clothes and stuff like that are a lot cheaper there! I'm gonna be so broke when I come back Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I'm just so fustrated because we have so much fun together and we could make this an amazing experience! Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I also can't wait to go shopping, apparently clothes and stuff like that are a lot cheaper there! I'm gonna be so broke when I come back Not to go off topic, but that is SOOOOOOOO TRUE!! Not only clothes, but literally *everything!* Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 So if I get stood up, at least I can buy some really cool stuff lol Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Truthfully though, I will be heart broken if he decides not to meet me when I get there Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Truthfully though, I will be heart broken if he decides not to meet me when I get there Unfortunately I think you should be prepared for it. Link to comment
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