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Life in the Driver's Seat

Seraphim

By Seraphim
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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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My counseling appointment went really well. I have to say I just feel .....solid after that appointment. I am heading in the right direction for sure. And I can even see how my thinking patterns have changed and my counselor can see it too.

I did say about the situation with my dad though I'm extremely stressed. My blood pressure is 140/105. She said probably I'm running on pure adrenaline. I have a hold of my anxiety and now my stress is through the roof. I told her how I've been at forgetting everything and falling asleep at all the time. She said it severe stress and keep doing my antistress exercises.

.......******

 

My son just phoned me all excited from school so excited he could barely contain himself. It is just so awesome to hear him like that. Apparently the colleges revisited the high school today and he fell in love with a college in Ottawa and their programme . So he wants to go away for college and live there. I sounded so excited for him and told him how awesome that was. But now I'm sitting here crying because I can't let him go. He will only be 17 and I can't let a 17-year-old go off to college three hours away. He doesn't have the maturity to do it.

 

He will be home in 10 minutes so I have to stop crying and look excited.

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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Can he take a post graduate year in HS to get not only the requirements but also another year of maturity under his belt?

 

No. He can't do the courses needed. Due to his disability the one course needed for the course is his worst possible subject ever.

 

It is so sad that he has to be disabled. When he found out the prerequisites he threw the book on the floor and ran to his room.

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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Oh, I'm so sorry for him, Vic. Is there ANY way he could get in touch with the disability support service for that particular school and see if they can work something out?

 

Hey Hun , my husband and I were thinking last night of a backdoor way for him to get in the programme. He could take another programme and then apply for that other programme later. For one program that he could get into he would just need a portfolio. That he can do and he has the other scholastic requirement.

 

Then later he can apply for the programme he really wants. It's an easier way for him to get in and he will already have some experience in the industry.

 

His high school also has bursaries for disabled students. So while I can afford to pay for one programme I can't afford to pay for the other. So I'm going to see if we can get him a bursary and then he can float loans for the rest.

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Firiel Community Regular

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Hey Hun , my husband and I were thinking last night of a backdoor way for him to get in the programme. He could take another programme and then apply for that other programme later. For one program that he could get into he would just need a portfolio. That he can do and he has the other scholastic requirement.

 

Then later he can apply for the programme he really wants. It's an easier way for him to get in and he will already have some experience in the industry.

 

His high school also has bursaries for disabled students. So while I can afford to pay for one programme I can't afford to pay for the other. So I'm going to see if we can get him a bursary and then he can float loans for the rest.

 

I'm glad there could potentially be other ways to get into the program. You are such a great mom-- it's so awesome how you always fight for your son and his happiness and success!

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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I'm glad there could potentially be other ways to get into the program. You are such a great mom-- it's so awesome how you always fight for your son and his happiness and success!

 

Awww thank you ! It means a lot. Mothers need so much encouragement. And sometimes I really struggle with not being understood as the mother of a child with disabilities. I know where to go to in my community though to get help for myself so is just for me to reach out and grab. I have gone it alone for the most part and it's hard . I will do whatever it takes though to make him successful and happy. I will go through people, over people ,on people ,don't care what I have to do.

 

Eventually he wants to work for Nintendo doing storyline for gaming.

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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Anyway work was okay this morning. I was exhausted though because I didn't fall asleep till 2 AM. And then I didn't eat my lunch till 10 minutes ago. Somehow I broke my glasses at the grocery store. And it's almost like I'm legally blind without those things. I took my blood pressure at the grocery store which was more normal ,it was 115/89. However my pulse was 152! I am just so stressed with my brother being in the situation he is in and my dad dying and not talking to anybody my body is just going to fall apart. I am worried I might have a heart attack or stroke myself.

 

On the other hand it is such an awesome day outside today!!! It is so glorious I can hardly stand it! for the first time since November there's been no snow on my grass. Ahhhhh

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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I think I'm just tired of grieving. Through my whole life I've been grieving something. Grieving a lost childhood ,grieving being abused. Grieving my parent's divorce. Grieving about domestic violence. Grieving about my mom and my first step dad's divorce. Grieving about losing friends to death or just moving away grieving about the death of pets. Grieving about my parents breaking up and getting back together 1 million times. Grieving the loss of my own children, grieving the fact that my son has severe disabilities. Grieving the fact that I've no relationship with my father. It just never freaking ends. I have a conscious memory of grieving starting at four years old and it has never ended since. I am sick to death of grieving!!!

 

You know what I'm done with it. Those people who don't support me just get the hell out of my way and don't bring me your crap. Now is the time for my life I gave you the first 47 years of it now it's my turn.

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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A parent's love should never be conditional . I can never wrap my head around that. And my counselor said something important ," your dad made it well aware that his love was conditional if it even existed at all." And that is the very crux of it. And I'm not sure I will ever be able to wrap my head around that.

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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I get this text from my aunt 2 mins ago

 

Your Dad is in ( ). The health care workers couldn't get him to answer the door so they called the police and an ambulance. After much back and forthing they convinced him to go to the hospital. Your Dad has Grandpa's diamond ring, please keep an eye out for it. It could disappear during one of these episodes. ( ) did you the Powers of Attorney and a key to your Dad's apartment? Talk to you soon. Love Aunt ( )

 

Glad to see the is more concerned about a ring than her brother.

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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My dad is DYING and you have have your panties in a knot about a ring?! He left it to my dad you greedy . And since he left it to my dad it goes to my brother you greedy . So screw off.

 

God ,my dad's families full of the most disgusting parasites to ever appear on earth.

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