how to suddenly shut off contact

[k34]

Hey there. My boyfriend dumped me after several years. I'm miserable! The thing is initially I was really understanding towards him, but after the conversation ended I felt really humiliated about how needy I was acting. Then a few days later I wrote him an angry letter, then he called and I was still angry and I yelled a lot, but eventually we got off the phone feeling a little better. My friends are telling me to completely cut off contact with him if I want a shot at getting him back. The trouble is that the last time we spoke I was still acting like we could be friends and hang out this weekend. Oh I forgot, early this weekend I sent him a degrading email begging him to tell me when he said he loved me when we broke up if that meant he loved me the same as he used to or if he was just being nice. OK, so my question is, I am blowing him off seriously right now, not responding to his email, not picking up the phone when he calls to see about hanging out this weekend, etc. Should I answer the phone and give him a reason for suddenly shutting down or just let him wonder? thanks i know that was a long post!!

[CherryGrl]

I definitely think you are making the right decision to not contact him for awhile. I wouldn't even worry about the fact that the last time you talked you indicated it was OK to be friends. You have the right to change your mind about that and he should have no trouble understanding, considering how badly he's hurt you.

 

I think I would answer the e-mail and just let him know as briefly and calmly as possible that I've decided I need some time away from him to think about what I want to do from here. You certainly aren't going to get him back by yelling at him and sending him degrading e-mail.

 

Then don't contact him again until you have better control of your emotions. If he e-mails, don't respond. If he calls, answer the phone but tell him you aren't ready to talk to him yet.

 

I'm sorry you're so miserable, K. It's hard to be dumped. I've been there, too, and it was painful, but know that the pain will lessen and even go away in time. Hang in there.

[sayer7]

I agree with Cherry.

 

It's good to break contact with him. Afterall, if he changed his mind about you, you can change your mind about beiing friends right off the bat too.

 

I think it's always good to give each other space right after a break-up. When the emotions have wound down and you can think more objectively about your ex-significant other-- then you'll be a better friend to them AND yourself.

 

Don't respond to his emails... but when he calls tell him you decided you weren't ready to be friends just yet, and you need some time to yourself to recollect yourself. Make it clear that you still want him in your life and that you care about him a lot, but you'll contact him after things have calmed down a bit.

 

In the meantime, focus on yourself-- start looking within to rediscover your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. It's always good to remind yourself regularly!

 

Hope this helps...