Sensitive people

[mammadon]

This is not meant to offend, but I find sensitive people bothersome.

 

I generally when interacting with people assume differences in perspective and thinking, this is normal as all humans are different. But I find people who are easily hurt, or always feel offended/wounded at even innocuous things are difficult to be around. I don't like to bend my own actions, especially if I do things that seem justifiable/reasoned at a given time.

 

I guess in a sense it's my own personality, since I don't like to accommodate to others without good reason, I guess I am a free-willed/strong conviction type of individual.

 

Am I being a bad person here, or are my thoughts/attitudes justified?

[Batya33]

Does it ever occur to you that it's a matter of opinion what is "innocuous", justified or reasonable? Perhaps it's not always an issue of "too sensitive".

[Capricorn3]

Maybe these "sensitive people" have a problem with people who " don't like to bend their own actions, and don't like to accommodate to others without good reason". Perhaps they find people like that arrogant? I'm not sure if that would be classed as "sensitive" though. Just a thought.

[GotMyLifeBack]

I have no idea if you're a bad person, but doubt it, or you wouldn't even ask the question.

 

Keep in mind that we're all on a continuum from completely oblivious to others on one end, to completely reactive to others on the other end.

 

 

My opinion is that no matter where you are on the continuum, learning tolerance for people at a different place is always a good thing.

[sophie274]

On the one hand, I agree that dealing with someone who is "over-sensitive" (hard to define) - someone whom you constantly have to reassure about your intentions, apologize to, generally handle with kid gloves - can be exhausting. (And I say this being someone who is definitely sensitive and at times oversensitive, so not out of lack of empathy).

 

On the other hand, since you describe yourself as not liking to accommodate others without good reason, and strong willed, it's possible that you are really being under-sensitive and dismissive of others' feelings and concerns.

 

Generally when I find that someone's personality rubs me the wrong way or that spending time with him is a drag - I choose not to spend time with the person! If you are in a professional environment with these people then I would say just do whatever sort of talking you have to to do your job well, and in your shoes I would make an effort to be sensitive - at work I try to get along as much as possible.

[BriarRose]

This is not meant to offend, but I find sensitive people bothersome.

 

I generally when interacting with people assume differences in perspective and thinking, this is normal as all humans are different. But I find people who are easily hurt, or always feel offended/wounded at even innocuous things are difficult to be around. I don't like to bend my own actions, especially if I do things that seem justifiable/reasoned at a given time.

 

I guess in a sense it's my own personality, since I don't like to accommodate to others without good reason, I guess I am a free-willed/strong conviction type of individual.

 

Am I being a bad person here, or are my thoughts/attitudes justified?

 

You are not a bad person, or you wouldn't even be concerned about this. Anyways, it's not uncommon. I know quite a few people with that temperament.

[Yaz]

This is not meant to offend, but I find sensitive people bothersome.

 

I generally when interacting with people assume differences in perspective and thinking, this is normal as all humans are different. But I find people who are easily hurt, or always feel offended/wounded at even innocuous things are difficult to be around. I don't like to bend my own actions, especially if I do things that seem justifiable/reasoned at a given time.

 

I guess in a sense it's my own personality, since I don't like to accommodate to others without good reason, I guess I am a free-willed/strong conviction type of individual.

 

Am I being a bad person here, or are my thoughts/attitudes justified?

 

I get annoyed with people who are overly politically sensitive. Getting offended at absolutely everything. Oh man, that grates on me something chronic.

 

You can't call someone 'black' these days, they have to be 'African-American'. Well, I know a lot of black people who AREN'T African-American, and I'm not going to assume that all black people are African-American straight up - that's rude. They could be Indian, Australian Aboriginal, Papua New Guinean, Maori, French etc. etc.

 

I shall continue to call dark skinned people 'black'; just as people call asian people 'asians', and me 'white' without knowing where I'm from. I doubt anyone could be bothered referring to me as a Caucasian-European-Jewish-south-pacific-islander, or even finding it out. White is fine with me.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is not meant to offend, but I find sensitive people bothersome.

 

I generally when interacting with people assume differences in perspective and thinking, this is normal as all humans are different. But I find people who are easily hurt, or always feel offended/wounded at even innocuous things are difficult to be around. I don't like to bend my own actions, especially if I do things that seem justifiable/reasoned at a given time.

 

I guess in a sense it's my own personality, since I don't like to accommodate to others without good reason, I guess I am a free-willed/strong conviction type of individual.

 

Am I being a bad person here, or are my thoughts/attitudes justified?

 

The big question is if these other people are overly sensitive in general or if it is just when they interact with you. Overly sensitive people will be that way no matter who they interact with...but if they are only that way with one particular person then you have to wonder if it is because that one particular person is overly insensitive. Since you describe yourself as not liking to accommodate others without good reason, do you often find yourself interacting with people you consider overly sensitive. If there are a lot of people who get upset with what you say and do then perhaps you need to re-think your notion of "without good reason".

[bulletproof]

My opinion is that no matter where you are on the continuum, learning tolerance for people at a different place is always a good thing.

 

Agreed. Tolerance is a tough thing to cultivate but totally necessary.

[mammadon]

Does it ever occur to you that it's a matter of opinion what is "innocuous", justified or reasonable? Perhaps it's not always an issue of "too sensitive".

 

Innocuous as in things done without intent. Not all persons can control every action, and sometimes do things without foresight.

 

Also, IMO the reasonable nature of an action depends on the incident at hand. If I drive a car and knock a pedestrian, this is not reasonable. If I play loud music 24/7, and my neighbours get sick, this is not reasonable. The fact that we are taught to respect others' boundaries shows that the definition of relativity here is not a total one.

[mammadon]

Maybe these "sensitive people" have a problem with people who " don't like to bend their own actions, and don't like to accommodate to others without good reason". Perhaps they find people like that arrogant? I'm not sure if that would be classed as "sensitive" though. Just a thought.

 

IMO, we should only bend to others with good, logical reason. This often is when it does not conflict with our own needs and wishes.

[mammadon]

I have no idea if you're a bad person, but doubt it, or you wouldn't even ask the question.

 

Keep in mind that we're all on a continuum from completely oblivious to others on one end, to completely reactive to others on the other end.

 

 

My opinion is that no matter where you are on the continuum, learning tolerance for people at a different place is always a good thing.

 

My own conception is that we cannot expect others to bend to us, since everybody has his/her own will. This is where the phrase nobody is owed anything comes from.

[mammadon]

Agreed. Tolerance is a tough thing to cultivate but totally necessary.

 

I accept everybody as they are. I don't believe in absolutes, and think people who do are silly.

 

But the norms of interaction state that everybody has their limits and boundaries. I don't see how that can be disputed.

[Batya33]

Innocuous as in things done without intent. Not all persons can control every action, and sometimes do things without foresight.

 

Also, IMO the reasonable nature of an action depends on the incident at hand. If I drive a car and knock a pedestrian, this is not reasonable. If I play loud music 24/7, and my neighbours get sick, this is not reasonable. The fact that we are taught to respect others' boundaries shows that the definition of relativity here is not a total one.

 

What you posted are extreme examples- who are you to judge whether someone's boundaries are reasonable or what "respect" means as far as actions? Sometimes people perceive actions as done with intent because of the circumstances- some of them may be overly sensitive, some may be mistaken while others might see that what you think is innocuous actually has negative intentions behind it (subconsciously) but they can tell from your body language. For example someone may make an offhand comment to me like "you should have a second child!" -no intent to make me feel badly, or to pressure me -just one of those typical things people say right? But if I desperately want and can't have a second child am I oversensitive if I react by being near tears? Or should the commenter have filtered what he said since he didn't know me or my circumstances and might be touching on a sore subject?