SA's Healing Journal

[SA2000]

This is all such a growing experience and I really appreciate it. I think the issue here is that I hate feeling like I'm alone. Now that I realize it I can address it. I suddenly feel pretty happy.

[SA2000]

Squared things away with TX. We are good now. Not great but good. Ex cancelled for this weekend. Actually kind of happy she did. Work girl and I haven't hung out in a while looks like that's settling down. Skyped with TX. She's coming to visit in a few weeks. Other than that life is chill.

[SA2000]

Ah. Life. What an experience. I went out for drinks with a few coworkers but didn't drink because I'm taking a break for 30 days. I ended up meeting up with a girl that I've known for a while that I've always been attracted to. She's a little bit of a mess but that's ok. So am I. We talked for like 3 hours. Cool chick. Might go to her bar tomorrow. She's a nurse and bartender. She's available, educated, cute, and has a career. So of course it would never work out. But she's cool.

 

TX lady will be here in 2 weeks. Still not sure what to do with that. I think she's waiting on me to direct the relationship. But at this rate I'm not ready for that much responsibility. I'd feel terrible if she moved here and it didn't work.

 

Work girl is in LA for the week. Which means she'll be texting and calling more and sending more pictures. I don't get her. She's miserable in her situation. I can save her tho so we'll just let that one play itself out.

[SA2000]

Ah, the ex. So wishy washy all of the time. We were going to get dinner. Then she cancelled. Then she said she could go but had to bring her daughter if I was ok with meeting her. I said no. Then texts me today and suddenly can meet me again. Whatever. I'm just like "Ok" every time she changed plans. It really doesn't matter to me. I think it's funny. But I'll meet her for one and talk work talk with her. No biggie. We can be friends. Right?

 

After that I'm going to swing by the girl from last nights bar as I said I would. Maybe pop in and see one of my other buddies. The reason I'm doing all of this is because I'm really bored. All of my buddies are either working or staying in. I feel like hanging out. Still on 30 days if no drinking tho so I won't get myself into any trouble.

[SA2000]

Met up with the ex. Decent convo. We still appreciate eachothers company. She was trying to feel me out a little. I was purposely elusive. She is completely single. Definitely no where near over me.

 

Went to go visit the nurse. Had a few sodas. She didn't want me to leave but get we're busy so I cut out. She's attractive but a little too tall for me. I had fun though and that's what matters. Solid weekend. I'm starting to like not drinking

[Sim54]

Man, your life is FULL of women!! Hahah

 

But the not drinking, that is seriously good. I've gone periods of total sobriety for up to a couple of years. One thing I found was when i would go out partying, but not drink, other than a juice or a coffee, and find I had just as good a time. I was social, outgoing, funny, whatever, the same as if i was drunk, but at no cost and no hangover. When I got there, I really loved it. It made me feel really powerful.

[SA2000]

I feel the same way Sim. I love spending $0 and still having fun. Yeah, I have quite a few ladies right now but I'm still waiting for that one special one. I'll know when I meet her. Or maybe one of these situations developes into more. Right now I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and not worry about it.

 

After spending time with the ex last night I can see that she isn't over me and may not be for a while. I'm not really completely over her either. But we've accepted that we can't be together because I won't let it happen. And I'm kind if happy now. As much as I am bored, I dont rally want my old life with her back. I'm a different person now. We discussed my career and how I travel. It would never work out. But we also came to realize that we both want someone that meets the high expectations or standards that we've set for each other. It's like some sad lifetime movie now. Haha.

 

I can't really complain tho. Life is what you make it and now I only have to worry about making myself happy. I like that.

[SA2000]

I'm starting to feel kind of bored. Which is a good sign. I felt really needy or a long time. I didn't act on it but definitely felt that way. Now I have a sense of comfort. I'm finally comfortable in my apartment and now feel like its really time to dive into work. My love life will just kind of take care of itself. This is a good place.

[SA2000]

Well isht. I went out w/ the nurse last night. Got pizza. Nothing too official or spectacular. We went for a night cap afterwords and then I dropped her off. We get along and the convo never stops but I wanted to just keep or friendly for now. We're at the bar talking and she's a full chairs length away from me. So that's good. Then when I drop her off she puts the moves on me. Damn it. Nothing too serious. Just a half hour make out session. But I've got a lot on the ol plate right now. I don't know how much I can juggle.

 

 

On another note, I'm driving home and I see the ex calling. I answer thinking it must be important. She talks to me about her day at work for a half hour. And that's it. She called to rant? What the H?

 

Work girl gets back from her trip Monday and wants to stop by Tuesday. TX girl wants to spend a week here in 3 weeks. The nurse will no doubt want to see me this weekend. The ex will probably pop up again soon and want to do dinner. As much as I was miserable a year ago that's all changed. I guess when it rains it pours. I'm in no rush to settle down. They all know that. But I don't know if I can maintain anymore. And it'll probably only get worse.

[SA2000]

So when I was out with the nurse I ran into a girl I knew in another lifetime. She knows the nurse as well. She texted me the next day and now wants me to do dinner with her. That's kind of weird. You see me with a girl and then tell me you want to go out with me? Eh. Whatever. I might take her up on the offer but doubtful at this point. I'm still waiting for the right situation. The right girl, the right time, the right place. That hasn't happened yet.

[SA2000]

This is not heading in the right direction. The nurse is being a little clingy. I need to pull back in all of my current dating situations until I figure it all out. I just suck at saying no.

[SA2000]

This nurse is more than I can handle. I should have known better. Oh well. Atleast I only hung out w/ her once and didn't let things go too far. She drunk dialed me like 10 times atleast tonight. I'm not into that.

[SA2000]

Narrowly escaped. Dropped the nurse off. She's got a cool place. She asked me to stay the night and almost trapped me in her room. Haha! What a story.

[SA2000]

To clarify, I finally answered and she asked me to pick her up and take her home. I am there for anyone that I am friends with so I agreed. I dropped her off and went in and let her dog out. I attempted to leave after that but she left her phone in my car. Cant I fell for that one. Oldest trick in the damn book. I went back to drop it off and she closed the door behind me. But I managed to make it out alive. Haha!

[SA2000]

The nurse texted me today to apologize for last night. She couldn't remember anything. Her grandma is really sick and they are very close so when she drinks her emotions show through a little and she doesn't want to be alone. I told her I understand what she's going through. I'm going to put a little distance there. Plus my TX lady is coming into town and I really like her.

[SA2000]

Ex called me. She needed help on her resume. When I help her its like helping any friend. I have no feelings from it. I'm completely indifferent. It's kind of funny. I went back and read some of my old posts but stopped because it bothered me. Life is good now. No reason to look back.

 

TX girl is coming in 3 weeks. I forgot that I invited work girl over on Tuesday. Might have to cancel. I have so much on my mind now. I had my review at work and it turns out I'm doing well. I don't want to be overly distracted.

[SA2000]

TX girl said something I didn't like tonight. She was telling someone I'm a great guy etc. but then said I won't move so she doesn't know where this is going. I agree that we need to come up with a long term plan soon. How long can this realistically go on for? We see eachother like 4-6 times a year at the rate we are at. Something has to happen. I guess once again I'll see how I feel while she's here. If all goes well I'm just going to tell her to move here and be done with it. I'll only be here for most likely 1 more winter. She can deal with that. If I were in her shoes I would move.

[SA2000]

Went out in Chicago and got hella bent. Hung out with an old coworker. She was telling me about how she broke up with her bf and blah blah blah. She's cute. Then came home and went out with the nurse. She started talking about how I don't seem like the serious relationship type because I untag myself in fbook pages. She thinks I'm just a playboy. Which I guess is technically accurate right now. I just didn't realize it was so obvious. I am getting slightly bored tho. And I'm not hooking up with these girls. Just hanging out and patching up the old ego.

[SA2000]

My ex sending late night texts cuz she don't know how to let go go goooo. She in love.

[SA2000]

Yesterday was St. Pattys day so I basically drank for 12 hours straight. I met up with the nurse for a few minutes but she annoyed me so I left. I eventually went home and went to sleep. I woke up with a bunch of missed calls from the ex. She said she got stranded and ended up getting a ride from a cop. Kinda glad I didn't answer. That could have gotten awkward.

[SA2000]

Ex texted me again today. We shared a laugh. The nurse is pretty much out of the picture now. Too bad. She's a cute girl. But I just can't do it right now. Although she is the most available, something is missing. I need to take so,e time to figure out what I want at this point. I have one lady that is too far but adores me, an ex with too much bad history, a girl I work with that is engaged, and a nurse that is too immature. If only I could mix all of their good qualities into one awesome person.

[SA2000]

Didn't hear from the nurse today. Work girl hasnt really been texting. Didn't hear from the ex. I think TX is working. What a quiet night. Strange.

[SA2000]

Nurse texted me today. Just saying I was being a stranger. I was cordial but that's it. I want to start moving forward now. I'm starting to get bored. I need new goals.

[thekid55]

SA---how are things going man? I'm reading all of these updates about the ladies, but how are things with YOU?

[SA2000]

I'm good man. I feel liked my old self again. Work is great. Love what I do. Love where I'm living. Confidence is back. Health never really left. I can't complain. Life could always be better but it could also w a whole lot worse.