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Purging the Inner Sanctum


Sanesoul

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Day 11 sober, and I feel great!

 

A good friend of mine was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy and now she has to go through chemo. She is normally such a strong spirit, but she is really down right now. I'm having her over for some girl time and yummies on Saturday. I hope I can lift her spirits.

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Day 12 sober!

 

This situation at work has been so emotionally draining, that I can barely take it. I'm SO glad tomorrow is Friday, and I can spend the weekend resetting. Hopefully, I can start work next week with a different perspective. Either that or I have to block it somehow. Giving it to God.

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Day 13 sober.

 

So glad it's Friday. This week can go to hell. I've realized that there are very few people in your life that you can actually count on. So tired of two situations in my life that are just emotionally draining. And people wonder why I'm not more sociable. Maybe it's because I'm sick and tired of people either leaving or pulling some more crap. Nothing and no one it seems can be completely relied on.

 

I've had to deal with it my whole life, so I should be used to it by now. I find that the older I get the more angry I get, and the more I say screw it. It's so hard to care about people sometimes...the ones you care about are the ones that hurt you the most.

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I am so excited! I hope I'm not bipolar, but with how despondent my last post was, I'm that elated with this post! I ordered my Life Recovery Bible and Workbook today, and I can't wait for it to get here!!

 

So excited to start working it. My recovery feels so great in this moment.

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Day 14 sober, two weeks!

 

Read part of a Christian memoir last night called Sober Mercies, about a Christian woman who is an alcoholic. I'm about 1/4 of the way in, but it is very eye opening. I did not get nearly as bad as this woman before I realized I was an alcoholic, thank God. It's a very sobering story, pun intended.

 

Woke up early this morning, ready to take on the day. I've already been to the store, and now I'm going to spend the afternoon baking and spending time with a friend. It's so good to be sober.

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Very restless tonight...shouldn't have had that second energy drink. It's ok though, no cravings at least.

 

My daughter is making me smile. She's watching all these youtube videos on hairstyles and trying them out for me to see. She is such a girlie-girl. It's so fun to watch her. I was never allowed to do that kind of thing when I was her age. I never had the opportunities she has...most of all to just be a little girl. I never realized how much childhood I missed until I started watching her grow up. So thankful she doesn't have to go through what I did.

 

Guessing I'll have to take a mg of melatonin in a bit...still not even close to being tired.

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Day 17 sober.

 

I've got a sinus infection, I feel like poop. And the arthritis in my neck is flaring up.

 

I got my Life Recovery bible and workbook today, and I'm really excited to dig into it.

 

I've decided to start couponing again, it's been too long, and I need to save the money now more than ever. So many extra expenses coming up. Daughter is getting dental work done this month, oldest cat is having dental work done next month, dance costumes need to be paid for next month, and then Christmas. Oi Vey.

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Day 19 sober. I have been nursing my sinus cold, and it is no fun. Got my coupons all up to date the other day, and now I'm just trying to get through work while I'm sick. After tomorrow I have the weekend to recover. Hopefully I can kick this thing then.

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I have to share this because I am just about to burst.

 

I am a huge anti-bullying advocate, and walked for suicide prevention this year in honor of all the babies who have taken their own lives due to this epidemic.

 

My daughter was nominated by two of her teachers to become a Safe School Ambassador, which focuses on anti-bullying and the emotional well-being of the school. It's a national program that her school has been using for five years to try to prevent bullying, and help students through tough situations. The concept being that students see and hear much more from their peers than adults do, and if they are trained correctly, they can help. My daughter was just ecstatic when she told me this...she is so excited. She even nominated herself (students could nominate each other or themselves). Just a small group of students were picked to become ambassadors, and I am over the moon proud of her. She will have two full days of training, so it's a really big deal.

 

Gah, so proud, so happy I've done right by her.

 

Oh, and day 20 sober

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25 Days!

 

I'm so giddy. I feel so much better this time than any other time I've tried to quit. I still haven't had any cravings. I know that won't always be the case, but I really think my approach is so much better this time. I'm doing my recovery devotionals every day, and reading recovery stories. I watched a documentary last night on alcoholism that was really harsh. I felt ill afterwards, but I'm glad I watched it. It was really eye opening how horrible this disease can get.

 

I love being sober. I don't feel deprived at all.

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Thanks Vic! Day 40 sober today! I feel good, still exhausted, but the bad dreams are getting less and less. I think I might be starting to normalize a bit. It really sucks when you are exhausted, but afraid to sleep.

 

I'm really thinking of trying to learn how to crochet (thanks Vic!). I have so much nervous energy since I quit drinking, that I think crocheting would be a good use for it. We'll see how it goes. I'm going to pick up some crochet hooks and yarn tomorrow.

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What is good for nervous energy too is walking. Exercise is very important in keeping down anxiety. It creates good hormones that flood the body and rid the body of anxiety. It always helps me. It also helps to bring you into the moment which rids you of anxiety as well. When you're focusing on the trees and the wind and the sun and the leaves and the birds you can't be anxious. It is also something that a family can do together. So it can bring therapeutic benefit to you and family benefit at the same time because you get to enjoy each other while you do it.

 

If you have not tried EDMR I think it would be really beneficial to you. It has taken almost all my fears out of my life.

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