Purging the Inner Sanctum

[Seraphim]

Awww honey what is the matter? I am here for you if you need someone. HUGS.

[Sanesoul]

My hubby was acting different, and I automatically took it to be that he was going to leave me. I'm a big dummy. He was jet-lagged from his trip home. He has since professed his love profusely and been very affectionate. I think I'm ok now.

[Sanesoul]

I think it's not normal to think that if you exercise, your heart will explode.

[Seraphim]

My hubby was acting different, and I automatically took it to be that he was going to leave me. I'm a big dummy. He was jet-lagged from his trip home. He has since professed his love profusely and been very affectionate. I think I'm ok now.

 

Awww darling. He loves you!!!!!! I know it is hard to think it is true sometimes when one's perception is off. I know because mine is too but from everything you have said about him and your relationship I know he loves you immensely. Of that I am sure!!

[Sanesoul]

6 months since I've been here. Wow. It's been a whirlwind.

[Seraphim]

SS!!!!!! What has been going on with you girl?1?

[Sanesoul]

I can't believe it's been more than a year since I've written. I haven't been writing in my handwritten journal either, which is a shame. I just abandoned my best therapy tool, and I don't know why. Life has been crazy.

 

My brother-in-law came to stay with us in February...to visit and he's still here. I feel like my life is on hold until he goes back home. He's young, and still acts like a child even though he is an adult. My 11 year old daughter is more mature than he is and it's making us all crazy. My husband and his other brother are going to sit down with him and tell him it's time to go back home. They're trying to figure out how to do it with no hard feelings. I have no advice to give them.

 

Work has been nutty. We built a new expansion with a new office, and moved in last month. My desk is the wrong size, so now I feel like I'm on hold at work until my new desk comes in. I'm cramped right now, and I don't like it. I find every excuse I can to be in the plant and not at my desk. Luckily, there is plenty for me to do out there. My new desk should be here in a couple weeks. I finally got my raise to go with the promotion I got, and I love my job. My boss is amazing, and I love what I do. For the first time in my working career, I enjoy going to work everyday.

 

My daughter, my love. She is a full-time job. She has been diagnosed with patellular stress syndrome and now has to have physical therapy twice a week for awhile. If it does not get significantly better in 4-6 weeks, she has to have more diagnostics done to see it there's something more serious going on with her knee. 11 years old and has a bum knee, awesome. Along with that, she has dance class twice a week. Luckily her doctor did not say that she has to quit dance because of her knee, it will just be a struggle. She is more than willing to do it because not being able to dance would kill her, I think. And I'm not willing to take away the thing she is most passionate about. She is turning into a beautiful young lady, and so smart. She won a scholarship for summer camp with an amazing essay she wrote. Straight As and just about to graduate elementary school.

 

My anxiety is still bad. I still get panic attacks a couple days a week, but that's down from virtually everyday, so that's good. My meds have been steady now for more than a year, and I can definitely tell the difference. Now I just have to keep working on keeping my stress level down. It's hard.

[Sanesoul]

Was just reading through this journal, and early on I made a goal for myself to learn how to cook. I can say that I have! I am by no means an expert chef, but I'm no longer afraid of screwing up a recipe. When I do, it's just ces't la vie, try again next time. My hubby is my best critic, and his advice has turned into some amazing meals. I keep trying new things and having fun with it. I can't say yet that I like to cook lol, but I don't hate it

[Cynder]

Glad you're back,

[Sanesoul]

Thanks Cynder! Good to be back.

[Seraphim]

Is there anything they can do to fix your daughter's knee?

[Sanesoul]

Other than PT, not really. They are going to try to strengthen the muscles in her thigh and butt which should counter the problem, but she will have to do the exercises everyday to keep them strong or she will keep having pain every time she does any physical activity. I'm more worried about the exercises not working. If she doesn't significantly improve in 4-6 weeks, there is something more serious going on.

[Seraphim]

Other than PT, not really. They are going to try to strengthen the muscles in her thigh and butt which should counter the problem, but she will have to do the exercises everyday to keep them strong or she will keep having pain every time she does any physical activity. I'm more worried about the exercises not working. If she doesn't significantly improve in 4-6 weeks, there is something more serious going on.

 

I know how she feels. I was in physio for nine months for a frozen shoulder this year. Sometimes Physio can work wonders. I was in physio there was a guy there who completely shattered his entire foot. It was full of pins and plates and everything and the surgeon said he would never walk properly again. Two months in physio he had gotten rid of crutches and was walking perfectly normal.

[Sanesoul]

That's wonderful. I hope that my daughter has success with it.

[Sanesoul]

Cleaning out my bedroom today so it's actually a place I want to be in. I'd like to set up a little reading nook in there because it is so distracting to read in the family room.

[Sanesoul]

Had a nice dinner with family, but everyone seemed a bit depressed. I think this fall-like weather might be causing it. I love it, but everyone else says it's too cold.

[Sanesoul]

Got a call from her school that she was throwing up this morning. Went to pick her up and it turns out she has a migraine that made her nauseated. I get those all the time. I was hoping she wouldn't inherit them.

[Seraphim]

Got a call from her school that she was throwing up this morning. Went to pick her up and it turns out she has a migraine that made her nauseated. I get those all the time. I was hoping she wouldn't inherit them.

 

Awwwww I am sorry love. My son has them too as well as myself. It makes you feel SO bad. Doesn't it? You know what has almost cured most of my migraines? Clonazepam!! They have been known to use the anxiety medication for seizures and migraine relief. Not that I recommend it because it is very habit forming and causes dependance.

[Sanesoul]

Awwwww I am sorry love. My son has them too as well as myself. It makes you feel SO bad. Doesn't it? You know what has almost cured most of my migraines? Clonazepam!! They have been known to use the anxiety medication for seizures and migraine relief. Not that I recommend it because it is very habit forming and causes dependance.

 

Thanks Vic. This is the first I know of her having one, She seems ok now after some ibuprofen and rest. Gah, I hope she doesn't get them as frequently as I do.

[Seraphim]

Thanks Vic. This is the first I know of her having one, She seems ok now after some ibuprofen and rest. Gah, I hope she doesn't get them as frequently as I do.

 

Yeah that's all they recommend for kids is ibuprofen and rest. My son has been getting them since he was six. He gets them far less than I did. However the clonazepam has cured probably 95% of mine.

[Sanesoul]

Ugh. Gotta get this out of my head because I can't stop thinking about it and it's making me ill.

 

Last Saturday night, my daughter and my aunt were walking and spotted a poor bunny that got hit by a car. The car ran over the back of it, but didn't kill it. This was right at the end of our apartment complex's driveway. They told us what they saw when they came in the house and I called the sherrif's office and let them know what happened. My hubby and I went out with my aunt and daughter to show the officer where it was, and it was worse than I thought. I wouldn't let my daughter get close enough to really see it...I didn't want her to have the image in her head. The poor thing must've been in shock because it was trying to jump up on the curb and run away, and it's little back legs were just demolished. There was no saving this little guy. The officer showed up within minutes and told us to go back inside because he had to "dispatch" it.

 

I feel so bad. So bad that I've been dreaming about it. I just can't stop thinking about the suffering this poor little thing went through and how terrified it must've been.

[Seraphim]

Oh God I hate things like that!!!! It almost makes me physically sick. And I always feel overwhelming horrendous guilt even know it had nothing to do with me. I know how you feel.

[Sanesoul]

So not winning the mother of the year award this week. I brought her to dance on a day she didn't have it, and I forgot her PT tonight. I think I need to use this weekend to reset. My head is swimming.

[Sanesoul]

Feel so useless right now. I can't handle everything I seem to think I can.

[Sanesoul]

She won the presidential award for academic excellence! One out of only 3 in the school. Gosh, Lord, I don' t know how I got so lucky to have this little angel who makes my heart swell with pride everyday, but thank you. I've never been given a greater gift.