Ms. Right or am I Mr. Confused?

[Scoe141]

Im going to keep this post, as simple as possible. After all, most of us don't like things too complicated right?

 

I've been dating this girl for a few months now. Here are the Pros/Cons:

 

Pros:

- We get a long great (very much like one another)

- Have a ton in common

- Communicate extremely well

- Honest, trustworthy and loyal

- A lot of chemistry

- She's very supportive

- Great sense of style

- Clean, organized etc.

- She has the maternal instinct (would make a great mother)

- Caring, affectionate and generally a NICE person

- No games, drama or any red flags that would indicate she's nuts

 

- I think you get the idea.

 

Cons:

- (my cursor has been blinking on this one for a while...)

 

I guess what I've been dwelling on is the fact it doesn't seem, 100%. Like maybe there is someone else out there who "could" make me feel 100%. If that makes any sense.

 

I ask myself, "what else can I look for in a person?" The only thing I come up with some supermodel looking woman, which in itself is vain and disappointing that I would even contemplate it.

 

It's getting to the point in my life, when Im thinking it's time to settle down, start a family etc. There is no doubt she could fit that bill. I guess Im having a hard time letting myself go, and giving her 100% of my heart.

 

Have any of you had this image or "idea" of the person you were "supposed" to marry? I feel like Im hanging up on that. Like, all the qualities are there, but maybe "that idea" of who I thought I was going to be with, is still out there. The infamous... "how do you know" has been plaguing my thoughts lately.

 

Sorry, it started out simple... and got rather complicated. Thanks for any thoughts or insight.

[annie24]

I think a lot of people have the 'image' of who they are supposed to marry, then they wind up with someone who doesn't fit that 'type' but it's a happy surprise. I'd give it a while. you don't have to marry her tomorrow, you've only been dating for a few months. It's still sort of the honeymoon period, so you two don't know each other at your worst yet. I'd get to know her, she sounds great, honestly. but I think it will take a while longer to figure out if she is the right girl for you.

[savignon]

Do you feel like you need to decide right now? It sounds like she "could be" the one and that more time will give you either more or less clarity about how much you're willing to give yourself to the relationship. With me my husband didn't fit the image of who I "thought" I would marry but I knew for sure he was it. Once the moment hits you, you know. It might just be that the moment hasn't come yet.

[catfeeder]

There are millions of perfectly fabulous people in the world who I'm not in love with. If love wasn't rare, what would be so special about it? You don't need to identify anything 'wrong' with someone to justify not feeling it for them. In fact, it really does them no favors to stick around and take away the time they could spend finding the right match for themselves even as you free yourself to go do the same.

 

When you're crazy in love with someone, you won't need a list.

[Scoe141]

Annie24- Thanks for the reply. What you wrote, does make sense and I will certainly take it to heart.

 

Savignon- I dont feel I have to decide right now, as there is absolutely no pressure, and has she ever given me any reason to feel pressure. Im just one of those people, that needs to know all the answers "today", instead of tomorrow. It's something I've been trying to work on.

 

When I first met her, I was like "wow"... there was just something special about it (moment). And even though Ive known her for a short time, it feels like I've known her for "years". Maybe I need to stop focusing on the "image" I've conjured up, and just relax and enjoy her.

[Scoe141]

When you're crazy in love with someone, you won't need a list.

 

A part of me is wondering if I should be feeling that "crazy in love" with her now, or if it can come in time...

 

I felt that in my last relationship, but the difference was was more toxic then a treatment plant. (and my new g/f is a much better fit, sans that feeling at the moment.)

[annie24]

In a way, the lack of those crazy "in love" feeling can be a good thing- as you mention, the last time you felt that way, it was a toxic relationship. I am like that too - sometimes i feel really intense chemistry with men who are wrong for me, and don't always feel it for guys who would be good boyfriends. I'd give it some time. of course, you I get what you're saying, you don't want to waste time if she isn't right for you. but i'd give it a while and really get to know her better.

[Scoe141]

I do begin to feel better about this relationship, when I allow myself to "open up". I have gotten burned before, and Im thinking subconsciously the idea of fully giving myself is a direct or indirect result of those past relationships where I've gotten burned.

 

The last one I was in, I saw the toxicity mounting up during the first three months. I stuck it out for another 6 months, and can assure you it never got any better.

[catfeeder]

The crazy in love and the question of whether someone is any good for us are two different issues. They're not an either/or, they're a combo plate.

 

A.) I can go bonkers over someone who's as wrong for me as it gets--like a gay guy. ( Yes, Houston, I have a problem.) B.) I can stay lukewarm for someone who might be 'good' for me in theory. So my answer will remain C.) 'None of the above' until Mr. D.) comes along--someone who is right for me that I'm crazy about.

 

Anything less is a settle. I don't do well with settling, and neither does the person I settle for.

 

You could always try a market decision model to determine your relationship priorities--you can only pick two sides of a triangle: A) I want it fast, B) I want to be happy with the quality of the experience, C) I want to be happy with the price I'll pay for the experience--which, in this case, includes ruling out other experiences.

 

I pick B and C, so I'll wait. Everyone's choices are different.