gravity Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 My GF's friends/coworkers have recently started acting resentful toward me and I don't know why. Nothing overtly rude or anything, but the last couple of times we've all hung out two of them have just been cold to me. It's strange, we all got along fine for 6 months and now suddenly I'm getting these weird vibes from her two closest friends (one guy and one girl). It's as if they suddenly resent me being around! I talked to my GF about it after the last time. She claims she didn't notice anything but suggested that they may resent our relationship since they both recently went through break ups (he over thanksgiving and her about a week ago) and the girl may want my GF to be single 'in commiseration' if that makes any sense. I just can't imagine being resentful of my friend's SOs if i was single unless they prevented my friend from hanging out or something. Which I don't at all! I enjoy these people's company and encourage my GF to invite them over since we don't have many friend where we live now. Does her explanation make any sense? maybe it's a girl thing? Link to comment
DN Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Have you and your girlfriend had any disagreements or arguments recently that she may have told them about? Link to comment
Stay_home Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Women talk sometimes and there might've been something said behind closed doors for them to resent you like that. I can't imagine a real friend resenting your GF's relationship just out of jealousy. Then again, we are talking about people and we know how shady some characters can be. Link to comment
gravity Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 definitely a possibility, things have been less than stellar recently. Link to comment
DN Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Well, then that is probably the explanation. People vent to friends or family without putting the relationship as a whole into context and only give their side of the issues. Thus friends and family take their side and resent the partner for causing their loved one so much grief. Link to comment
gravity Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Well, what can I do about this? Obviously, it's normal to talk to friends about your relationship, but how can I explain to her that speaking negatively behind my back is only going to further damage our relationship without being accusatory? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Well, what can I do about this? Obviously, it's normal to talk to friends about your relationship, but how can I explain to her that speaking negatively behind my back is only going to further damage our relationship without being accusatory? These are her friends, and they'll always take her side out of loyalty. You don't need to try to convert these people into your friends. You can hang out with them less and form new friendships of your own. If your relationship with GF hasn't been the greatest, then this is no time to throw in a monkey wrench by asking her to change her ways of relating to her friends. You don't need to 'fix' anything beyond your immediate ways of relating to one another. If that improves, she won't have anything to complain about. Regardless, you'd still be wise to cultivate your own friendships with people who will be as invested in you as GF's friends are in her. Link to comment
DN Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 It doesn't have to damage your relationship but if being around her friends is now uncomfortable for you, limit how much you see them to unavoidable necessity. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Well, then that is probably the explanation. People vent to friends or family without putting the relationship as a whole into context and only give their side of the issues. Thus friends and family take their side and resent the partner for causing their loved one so much grief. yeah, pretty much. and then even when you make up with your gf, it doesn't mean that the friends 'forgive' you for causing her pain, even if your gf does. I'd give it time. just treat her well. maybe talk to her friends if you get a chance. Link to comment
Galaxo Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Sounds like they know she is getting ready to break up with you. Link to comment
zimension Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I went through that same thing with my girlfriend. She would tell me everything with us is just fine and when her friends her and I got together I could just feel their hate. But to be honest there was nothing I could do but just repair what ever I did wrong to her to make her tell her friends about our fights. This all fiasco happened within the first 6mo of our relationship and its been over 3 years and were still together and living together in fact and now her friends generally like me. I think she still very much loves you, since she says things between you two are fine they probably are. Just remember they are (and always be) HER FRIENDS and will always side with her. My advice is just lay low and not give them any more for them to hate you for and be a sweatheart to your girlfriend. Once shes happy her friends will give up hating you. Link to comment
DN Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 This is fine as long as what he was doing was in fact unreasonable and it wasn't his girlfriend who was in the wrong. Link to comment
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