Ex broke NC with weird message.

[calisurfer]

I've been doing fine the last couple of weeks after my bu and the other day my ex broke NC with a disturbing msg. A little history he dumped me a month ago, gay relationship, and moved in with his gf the next day. A girl he's only known for a month. Said he wasn't gay and wanted to lead a straight lifestyle. Well two days ago he sent the following message "Hey I need to talk to you. Tomorrow we can maybe meet. But I know you get off late from work so maybe we can spend the night together somewhere". I broke down and basically told him to leave me alone and that I'm not a bootie call.

 

His txt really set me back. I was doing okay, but his msg really got to me. I feel like crap literally, that he just views me as a bootie call. I've known him for close to 3 years and we were together for 1.5, so it's like I wasted 3 years of my life. Is this normal to feel like this? It's been over a month since the bu and I still feel down. Now even more so with that txt.

[ReneinDC]

He sounds very confused and will only continue to drag deeper down into his confusion.. and you'll be the one left trying to recover with each contact. I suggest you change your phone number. Is is completely normal to feel the way you are it's still very fresh and recent. Don't be so hard on yourself! For your own sake & sanity, do not respond to anymore of his texts no matter how tempting it may be.

[lavenderdove]

I don't think this means he sees you only as a bootie call, i think it just shows that he's a gay guy in denial who wants to live an official 'straight' life for whatever reason, and a closeted life with other men on the side. So he's not being honest with himself or the poor girl he's dating who thinks he's straight. There are sadly LOTS of gay men who don't want to accept they're gay and who drag women into sham marriages while keeping male lovers on the side (and in the closet).

 

I think you were really right to refuse him and not be part of his denial by giving him sex and affection so that he can continue this charade with himself and the world.

 

And if the issue is he's bi, well then he's just a cheater wanting to have anyone he wants anytime he wants, and that's no good either.

[ForumGuy]

You go hang with him and he'll have his "fix", until the time rolls around. Something tells me you already know this.

[calisurfer]

You go hang with him and he'll have his "fix", until the time rolls around. Something tells me you already know this.

 

There's no way in hell I'm going to hang out with him. I know what will happen. We'll talk over one beer, then two, next thing you know we're doing shots and heading back to my place or a hotel. That's not going to happen. I'm just hurt, confused and lonely. I want to be left alone and move on with my life. I miss him, miss the relationship but I know it's over. It was just painful to see him dangle out the possibility of us being together even if only for one night. I feel like I wasted the last three years of my life with him. He was my best friend, and I know I lost that friendship. So it does really hurt to know that he views me as his quick 'fix'. I try to remember this poem by DH Lawrence:

 

I never saw a wild thing

sorry for itself.

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself.

 

I'm trying my hardest to be strong and keep moving on.

[johnm3]

try not to look at it as three years wasted, this gave you incredibly valuable experience and allowed you to learn many things about yourself. well done on refusing to be his booty call. if you don't respect yourself, no one else will.