Successful stories for getting back together after 'being friends' with the ex?

[beauxrestes]

I actually am in the small minority that has. After a month of going out, she said she felt like we didn't know each other well and that it was just puppy love. We both accepted the split, but continued to be there for each other because we liked each other as friends and got along well. I tried asking her out again and she said she was already going out with another girl, without telling me, which devestated me. I still continued to be there for her and support her relationship because I was still in love with her and such. Then as we kept texting and talking everyday she slowly started to show physical signs she was into me, such as 'friendly' cuddling when i looked sad, smiling, touching hands. Then she told me that her girlfriend never texted her a lot, that she still harbors feelings for me, but didn't know if I still had feelings for her. I took time to decide, as I couldn't rush in, then I decided to take her back. She broke it off with her one month girlfriend, which ended horribly between them kind of. And from then on her and I had been going out for two years happily.

 

That is, until 6 months into our long distance thing, I started a fight because I was in a stressful day, missed her, and lashed out and said hurtful things to her, and now we're on the verge of splitting. Note though, this was long distance, not when we were physically together.

 

 

But nonetheless, it's not impossible, with persistence and constant respect for the other person. They'll eventually see it and if it feels right for them, they'll come back. Don't try to make them come back, let them drift back to you if it's meant to be.

[halfinhalfout]

What is nic?

[misterjister]

What is nic?

 

Non Initiated Contact i.e only responding when they contact you.

 

 

And yes I've got back with my ex after 6 months. I did NC, Low NC, NIC, youtubes, websites, etc. I spent a lot of time working on myself. Appearance, outook on life, gym etc. She didn't much like it when i met someone else though...

 

We're only a month back together so it's still early days. But so far so good.

 

Sounds obvious but they have to want it. When they do, doors open.

 

If i can offer any advice spend as much time as you can to think about what you can change and try not to waste so much time on what you can't. Easier said than done I know.

 

I will never forget the pain i've just been through this last 6 months and it will stay with me forever. It's actually changed me as a person and for the better I hope. I wish you all well and good luck.

 

Also I'd like to say thank you to all those who helped me. Especially MissCanuck who's words helped more than she might have realised. Thank you.

 

Misterjister

[Batya33]

We stayed in casual touch for years - a few emails a year, one quick dinner after 6-7 years apart, no phone calls. The emails were mostly impersonal except when I had a death in my family and he knew the person and emailed me about it -that was more personal, and caring. I did the same when he had a death in his family and also made a donation. After almost 8 years apart we met for the second time for a quick dinner and to our surprise sparks flew. We got back together about a month later and married a few years later. When we first broke up we'd been dating a few years and were planning a wedding. The reasons it worked was because we'd both changed significantly because we knew that the only reason we were going to start dating again was to see if we should get married (so we were exclusive from day one) and because our original breakup was fairly amicable.

[trustyourself]

Non Initiated Contact i.e only responding when they contact you.

 

 

And yes I've got back with my ex after 6 months. I did NC, Low NC, NIC, youtubes, websites, etc. I spent a lot of time working on myself. Appearance, outook on life, gym etc. She didn't much like it when i met someone else though...

 

We're only a month back together so it's still early days. But so far so good.

 

Sounds obvious but they have to want it. When they do, doors open.

 

If i can offer any advice spend as much time as you can to think about what you can change and try not to waste so much time on what you can't. Easier said than done I know.

 

I will never forget the pain i've just been through this last 6 months and it will stay with me forever. It's actually changed me as a person and for the better I hope. I wish you all well and good luck.

 

Also I'd like to say thank you to all those who helped me. Especially MissCanuck who's words helped more than she might have realised. Thank you.

 

Misterjister

 

We stayed in casual touch for years - a few emails a year, one quick dinner after 6-7 years apart, no phone calls. The emails were mostly impersonal except when I had a death in my family and he knew the person and emailed me about it -that was more personal, and caring. I did the same when he had a death in his family and also made a donation. After almost 8 years apart we met for the second time for a quick dinner and to our surprise sparks flew. We got back together about a month later and married a few years later. When we first broke up we'd been dating a few years and were planning a wedding. The reasons it worked was because we'd both changed significantly because we knew that the only reason we were going to start dating again was to see if we should get married (so we were exclusive from day one) and because our original breakup was fairly amicable.

 

I am curious, did you reach out on things like Birthdays? I am in NC (Or maybe NIC) right now. We broke up in December last year, kinda hooked up in June until she ran away again, and then she contacted me about a month ago, but she was dating someone else, so I told her we could not talk. Her birthday is coming up, and I am conflicted about what to do.

 

Any advice appreciated.

[Batya33]

I am curious, did you reach out on things like Birthdays? I am in NC (Or maybe NIC) right now. We broke up in December last year, kinda hooked up in June until she ran away again, and then she contacted me about a month ago, but she was dating someone else, so I told her we could not talk. Her birthday is coming up, and I am conflicted about what to do.

 

Any advice appreciated.

 

No. (he is sitting here and I just asked him!). But, back then email was not as prevalent in the late 1990s -we did use email but not to the same extent even 5 years later. I did not feel it would be appropriate to contact him at that time.

 

But -we broke up the first time a few weeks before his birthday and -ironically- total coincidence -I ran into him on a train on his birthday - and we almost got back together that night. And almost 3 weeks later again. And if we had tried again right away like that I am positive we wouldn't be together now. As he said back then "we can try again, and it will be romantic at first and then we'll have the same problems all over again". He was right although it was disappointing and upsetting back then.

[trustyourself]

No. (he is sitting here and I just asked him!). But, back then email was not as prevalent in the late 1990s -we did use email but not to the same extent even 5 years later. I did not feel it would be appropriate to contact him at that time.

 

But -we broke up the first time a few weeks before his birthday and -ironically- total coincidence -I ran into him on a train on his birthday - and we almost got back together that night. And almost 3 weeks later again. And if we had tried again right away like that I am positive we wouldn't be together now. As he said back then "we can try again, and it will be romantic at first and then we'll have the same problems all over again". He was right although it was disappointing and upsetting back then.

 

Thanks for taking the time to respond. Its a tough situation for me. We have incredible chemistry, so it is hard to numb that and just be friends. I told her it was not possible right now, and she actually agreed with me and admitted we had a crazy connection. So we mutually agreed NC for now. Its tough. Its been basically 12 months and I still miss her like crazy. But the sporadic contact is probably holding me back. As you say though, we both need to grow. She even admitted she was a bit lost in her life the last time we spoke.

[Batya33]

Thanks for taking the time to respond. Its a tough situation for me. We have incredible chemistry, so it is hard to numb that and just be friends. I told her it was not possible right now, and she actually agreed with me and admitted we had a crazy connection. So we mutually agreed NC for now. Its tough. Its been basically 12 months and I still miss her like crazy. But the sporadic contact is probably holding me back. As you say though, we both need to grow. She even admitted she was a bit lost in her life the last time we spoke.

 

Yes- we had so little contact -and only on email -that it didn't hold us back. Sorry about your situation!

[SethSLC]

Non Initiated Contact i.e only responding when they contact you.

 

 

And yes I've got back with my ex after 6 months. I did NC, Low NC, NIC, youtubes, websites, etc. I spent a lot of time working on myself. Appearance, outook on life, gym etc. She didn't much like it when i met someone else though...

 

We're only a month back together so it's still early days. But so far so good.

 

Sounds obvious but they have to want it. When they do, doors open.

 

If i can offer any advice spend as much time as you can to think about what you can change and try not to waste so much time on what you can't. Easier said than done I know.

 

I will never forget the pain i've just been through this last 6 months and it will stay with me forever. It's actually changed me as a person and for the better I hope. I wish you all well and good luck.

 

Also I'd like to say thank you to all those who helped me. Especially MissCanuck who's words helped more than she might have realised. Thank you.

 

Misterjister

 

So spot on!

[Jillstrand23]

Great Thread!!!!

[Jillstrand23]

I wanted to break up so bad. I told him its over and I hung up. He called yelling at me and I said we can stay friends. I went to give him a key at his job and the tears came pouring down my face and I knew it was not over. Just by me telling him ' I am open to being friends ' fused our connection solid. Its really simple to stay friends. It shows you are a human and you care deeply.

[Batya33]

I wanted to break up so bad. I told him its over and I hung up. He called yelling at me and I said we can stay friends. I went to give him a key at his job and the tears came pouring down my face and I knew it was not over. Just by me telling him ' I am open to being friends ' fused our connection solid. Its really simple to stay friends. It shows you are a human and you care deeply.

 

Often staying friends with an ex also can show- or only shows - a fear of being alone, a fear of the other person forgetting about you unless you are in contact, a hope that being friends will lead to a reconciliation. On the other hand deciding not to be in contact or to give space can show you're human and care deeply for yourself and care deeply for the other person -you are willing to let him go so you can both find better matches. It's of course simple to stay friends in certain circumstances -the real challenge is knowing what your values and standards are and sticking to them even if it means foregoing short term gratification. I knew that in certain situations staying friends would impede me from my goal of finding a spouse even though it was tempting to stay in touch.

[valavoo]

Who, then, is responsible for initiating this friendship? Surely not the one who was broken up with?

[Batya33]

Who, then, is responsible for initiating this friendship? Surely not the one who was broken up with?

 

I haven't really thought about it because often there's no initiating -there's contact for some random or not random reason and then that leads to being in more contact. And it depends on why the people broke up and what happened during the break up (and if contact/staying in touch was discussed or boundaries set).

[valavoo]

I haven't really thought about it because often there's no initiating -there's contact for some random or not random reason and then that leads to being in more contact. And it depends on why the people broke up and what happened during the break up (and if contact/staying in touch was discussed or boundaries set).

 

Im just asking because, well, you know my own situation as I explained it to you. I’ve got a couple of friends who think I should just reach out and I’m kind of wanting to...but I don’t feel like it’s my job to do so. But theyve brought up that no communication from me may have made it seem like I don’t want to talk to him at all..which obviously isn’t true. But I’m honestly not able to handle any kind of rejection so o just stay silent.

[Jillstrand23]

Im just asking because, well, you know my own situation as I explained it to you. I’ve got a couple of friends who think I should just reach out and I’m kind of wanting to...but I don’t feel like it’s my job to do so. But theyve brought up that no communication from me may have made it seem like I don’t want to talk to him at all..which obviously isn’t true. But I’m honestly not able to handle any kind of rejection so o just stay silent.

 

Hi valavoo. What is your situation ?????

[valavoo]

Hi valavoo. What is your situation ?????

 

Oh gosh XD my message was more directed at Batya. I don’t really want to explain it over again but my ex is pretty passive while I’m more active. And like, I’ve been not contacting him at all due to all the advice I got, but I always wonder if that Can was truly the right choice. My situation isn’t particularly unique, really.

[Jillstrand23]

awesome~ i guess we are all in the same boat here !

[Batya33]

Im just asking because, well, you know my own situation as I explained it to you. I’ve got a couple of friends who think I should just reach out and I’m kind of wanting to...but I don’t feel like it’s my job to do so. But theyve brought up that no communication from me may have made it seem like I don’t want to talk to him at all..which obviously isn’t true. But I’m honestly not able to handle any kind of rejection so o just stay silent.

 

When I was in that situation I always explained why I was ending being in contact.

[valavoo]

When I was in that situation I always explained why I was ending being in contact.

 

Yeah. And I did, too

[Batya33]

Yeah. And I did, too

 

Then he knows that you are not ignoring him.