putter65 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I know plus the fact she never sends me a text but only replies to mine. I hope some other prospects come my way. I doubt it though, not alot seems to happen. Like I've said 'friends' with this woman is okay. At least it's something, sending a text here and there. I was thinking about how many friends I've got and the answer is probably none. I get on with my work mates and chat with them on facebook but that's it. None of them have my mobile number and I don't generally see them out of work. A bit of a development. I sent her a text asking her how she was. She replied saying she was fine. I sent her another one telling her about something that is on my mind at the moment. She then sent one back saying she is off work with depression and stress. I told her I was worried and asked what was wrong. She would only say she was down. I told her in my texts that I care for her, she is a wonderfull person and I'm worried about her and I'm always going to be around for her. I thought 'sod it' - why not tell the truth ? Link to comment
FrogIsFree Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 A bit of a development. I sent her a text asking her how she was. She replied saying she was fine. I sent her another one telling her about something that is on my mind at the moment. She then sent one back saying she is off work with depression and stress. I told her I was worried and asked what was wrong. She would only say she was down. I told her in my texts that I care for her, she is a wonderfull person and I'm worried about her and I'm always going to be around for her. I thought 'sod it' - why not tell the truth ? You just need to be careful to get a balance in your life Putter! Whilst it may seem admirable that you are there for this woman 24-7 and will drop anything or anybody to be there for her, you are seriously at risk of staying friendless by putting all your energies and focus on her rather than broadening your horisons to other potential friendships - you may well put potential friends off you, especially if you are so fully absorbed with her and her life, and talking about her constantly and also effectively, perhaps dropping your interest and interaction with other potential friends - every time you drop them to run to her to cater for her every needs because you feel you have to be there for her 100% to the exclusion of everyone else in your life. If she is the only person in your life who never loses your attention and she ends up taking over your life to the exclusion of other people, you could not only end up seriously friendless long-term but also have the added disappointment of finding this woman will never be what you want her to be to you. Just a friendly suggestion to consider, as I am thinking of how this is going to affect you long-term. Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 A bit of a development. I sent her a text asking her how she was. She replied saying she was fine. I sent her another one telling her about something that is on my mind at the moment. She then sent one back saying she is off work with depression and stress. I told her I was worried and asked what was wrong. She would only say she was down. I told her in my texts that I care for her, she is a wonderfull person and I'm worried about her and I'm always going to be around for her. I thought 'sod it' - why not tell the truth ? It still sounds like the comments are still in the context of being her friend,if you really want to tell the truth ,ask her out again and make sure she knows the context is romantic interest. Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I agree,the only way to foind out if she will be what he desires is to ask her out again and see how she responds. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Thanks for the concern but I think I have room for more people in my life. I hope I do anyway ! Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I agree,the only way to foind out if she will be what he desires is to ask her out again and see how she responds. It's the just the wrong time now. Link to comment
dramallama Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 If she isn't in a place to be dating you, or anyone, in a romantic way, then if your intentions are romantic, you need to give her space to get over her depression. She has family and friends that she can turn to, doesn't she? If you insist on being there for her during this time, you are just digging yourself deeper into the friend zone hole. You NEED to take a risk and ask her on a date after you've given her time to work through her depression. But I'm telling you now - it may be too late. You are not painting yourself as the guy who wants her and is going after what he wants (dates with her). It's very likely that she sees you only as a nice guy friend because you are not being forward enough. You NEED to ask her on a date eventually, and if she waffles then split. Women are attracted to confident guys, so at this stage she would just see you as clingy and needy always messaging her. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I'm planning on giving her some space before my next text. Maybe I am painting myself as a nice guy but that's what I am. I would like to know why she is depressed. She isn't telling. Link to comment
dramallama Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Leave her alone then. In two months, yes, TWO months - call her up, stop this texting business because confident men CALL women up for dates, see how she's feeling. If you feel that she's in high spirits, ask her out on a date. If not, then try again in another two months. If you hang around you will only be put in the friendzone even further. Do not try to be a friend to her at this time. That's what her friends and family is for. If your intentions are to be in a relationship then you cannot take the role of a close friend. Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Leave her alone then. In two months, yes, TWO months - call her up, stop this texting business because confident men CALL women up for dates, see how she's feeling. If you feel that she's in high spirits, ask her out on a date. If not, then try again in another two months. If you hang around you will only be put in the friendzone even further. Do not try to be a friend to her at this time. That's what her friends and family is for. If your intentions are to be in a relationship then you cannot take the role of a close friend. Yes,leave her alone.Let her come to you.My interest would have been gone when she turned down the OP's request to go to a movie and she responded she was seeing someone.I'd be looking for someone who was highly interested in me romantically ,her actions suggest that she isn't . Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Yes,leave her alone.Let her come to you.My interest would have been gone when she turned down the OP's request to go to a movie and she responded she was seeing someone.I'd be looking for someone who was highly interested in me romantically ,her actions suggest that she isn't . I've been looking for someone interested in me romantically all my life. They don't exist ! I'm not like you guys. Maybe if you saw me then you would understand. I am extremely ugly. If me being friends with her makes me happy (and it does) then I will continue. Thanks anyway ! Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I've been looking for someone interested in me romantically all my life. They don't exist ! I'm not like you guys. Maybe if you saw me then you would understand. I am extremely ugly. If me being friends with her makes me happy (and it does) then I will continue. Thanks anyway ! No offense putter but you could have been Brad Pitt and likely had difficulty obtaining this woman .What I mean is you waited far too long to go after this woman . Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 No offense putter but you could have been Brad Pitt and likely had difficulty obtaining this woman .What I mean is you waited far too long to go after this woman . Oh I know. Regarding my looks, I used to go on this other forum and I always said my looks, facial expression and speaking voice did me no favours at all. Everybody used to say - be confident, there is nothing wrong with you etc. So after years of this I thought of this experiement. I used my camcorder to film myself talking. I talk for about a minute about a golf round. I then wrote on the forum if anybody wanted to see this video, ask me and will send it to them. I asked for honest opinions only. About 10 wanted it. A few, the nice people who were my friends on there said I was average looking but I didn't smile enough and had terrible body langauge and I talk too slow. The others, well most said I was ugly and in some cases very ugly. Some said I looked like a serial killer. Others mentioned the word 'scary'. This surprized me because I am the complete opposite. I looked and sounded scary. They wouldn't want to meet me was what they meant. What I'm trying to say with this, maybe because of the way I look, the way I speak a romantic relationship just isn't only to happen. I know looks aren't everything but they do matter. People did say it's wasn't just my looks but my body language. If you can imagine a very bored sounding bloke looking incredibly miserable - then that's me. What is annoying is I'm not like that really. It's just my face doesn't seem to express how I feel. I get loads of people saying 'cheer up' when I am perfectly normal. So maybe having this woman as a text friend is about as good as it gets for me. In some ways it is an achievement I have reached this far. It would be daft to throw it all away and start from scratch. Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I don't agree.I see average-below average guys with girlfriends all the time.Just don't wait an eternity before askiing them out!! Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 I don't see myself as below average or average. Way below that ! I've already done the 'asking women out' thing. I did that in my 20's without any luck. What are the numbers I'm looking at ? Asking 100 women out ? Something like that ? Link to comment
FrogIsFree Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Leave her alone then. In two months, yes, TWO months - call her up, stop this texting business because confident men CALL women up for dates, see how she's feeling. If you feel that she's in high spirits, ask her out on a date. If not, then try again in another two months. If you hang around you will only be put in the friendzone even further. Do not try to be a friend to her at this time. That's what her friends and family is for. If your intentions are to be in a relationship then you cannot take the role of a close friend. I agree, you have to up your status in the relationship not friendship stakes, otherwise you risk her seeing you like background scenery - always there to support but not in a relationship/romantic way. As a woman, if I were in her shoes, I might cry on the shoulder of somebody like you but never go out with you, sadly. But I think you have the potential to be in a stronger position than this.. if you go with the essence of Drama Llama's advice.. Link to comment
FrogIsFree Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I don't agree.I see average-below average guys with girlfriends all the time.Just don't wait an eternity before askiing them out!! ..yes, and don't pin all your hopes on 1 person.... Looks aren't a definer, even if you think you are `boring' etc, there is somebody for every single person on this planet - God how big is this world.. it can't be that only one woman is potentially interested in you?! That just doesn't make logical sense. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 I agree, you have to up your status in the relationship not friendship stakes, otherwise you risk her seeing you like background scenery - always there to support but not in a relationship/romantic way. As a woman, if I were in her shoes, I might cry on the shoulder of somebody like you but never go out with you, sadly. But I think you have the potential to be in a stronger position than this.. if you go with the essence of Drama Llama's advice.. I just haven't got the courage or confidence to step things up. I'm playing it safe. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 ..yes, and don't pin all your hopes on 1 person.... Looks aren't a definer, even if you think you are `boring' etc, there is somebody for every single person on this planet - God how big is this world.. it can't be that only one woman is potentially interested in you?! That just doesn't make logical sense. I think when looks are severe they can be a definer. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 ..yes, and don't pin all your hopes on 1 person.... Looks aren't a definer, even if you think you are `boring' etc, there is somebody for every single person on this planet - God how big is this world.. it can't be that only one woman is potentially interested in you?! That just doesn't make logical sense. I'm not really pinning my hopes on one person. I like one person very much. However there are about a dozen others who I like in a vague way. If any of these 12 ever showed an interest in me, I would be definitely interested. They don't though. There's this woman who started to give me a bit of chat. She looks at me alot, smiles all the time and picks on me. I saw she had a wedding ring on her finger though. Anyway I saw her today get served by someone else and she acted exactly the same. There was no difference. So basically she's a happy person who chats with everybody and smiles all the time and doesn't especially like me more than any of the other staff. I see this so many times it doesn't bother me much now ! Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 ..yes, and don't pin all your hopes on 1 person.... Looks aren't a definer, even if you think you are `boring' etc, there is somebody for every single person on this planet - God how big is this world.. it can't be that only one woman is potentially interested in you?! That just doesn't make logical sense. I agree,obviously at some point one has to narrow down their search and pursue whomever seems most interested at the time.The time to focus on that 1 person is obviously when other candidates have fallen by the wayside. Link to comment
dramallama Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Have you shown interest in any of those twelve? What have YOU done to move towards being in a relationship in the past week, with any of those women? It doesn't surprise me that you are perpetually single because you don't take a risk. It is not too forward to let your romantic intentions known, unless you're happy and fulfilled with being friends with people for the rest of your life. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Have you shown interest in any of those twelve? What have YOU done to move towards being in a relationship in the past week, with any of those women? It doesn't surprise me that you are perpetually single because you don't take a risk. It is not too forward to let your romantic intentions known, unless you're happy and fulfilled with being friends with people for the rest of your life. I have done nothing ! I am just different to everybody else. You say it is not too forward to let your romantic intentions known. I do everything I can NOT to let my romantic intentions known. Calling a woman I like by a first name is a big deal for me. Sending a text message to this main woman and saying that 'I care for her' and 'if she ever wants to go for a coffee and a chat, just say' - that took an enourmous amount of courage for me to do that. First thing I did when I got home was to check facebook to see if she had deleted me because of what I said. One of the twelve (it might not be twelve, that was just a number I used), I asked to a football match a few years ago. I had a spare ticket. Of course it shouldn't have been that difficult but it was. Link to comment
dramallama Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 But by saying, "if you ever want to go, just let me know" you are putting the responsibility on her. What is really the worst thing that happened if you asked a woman on a date- where she would have to answer yes or no. You can either sit by the sidelines and mope about how you don't have a relationship, or you can possibly have a relationship by going for what you want. You create your own reality. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 But by saying, "if you ever want to go, just let me know" you are putting the responsibility on her. What is really the worst thing that happened if you asked a woman on a date- where she would have to answer yes or no. You can either sit by the sidelines and mope about how you don't have a relationship, or you can possibly have a relationship by going for what you want. You create your own reality. The worst thing regarding this woman would be she deletes me off her facebook, never answers my texts and I never see her again. The things I wrote were the least I could do considering she is ill with depression. I can't ask her questions that require a 'yes' or 'no' - that would seem too much. I am just so timid. Link to comment
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