putter65 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 Yes your right. I should scale down contact to forget about her. But I don't think I will, I don't think I can. Having a woman's mobile number is new to me. If I had 20 numbers it wouldn't be such a big deal. What I need is another woman to catch my eye but there isn't any ! I'm not sure she has a boyfriend. And my second invite to the golf driving range was just a suggestion really. I don't think it was a 'ask out' - Part of this is her fault really. If she hadn't have said the things she did, I wouldn't feel like I do. She must know how I feel yet she hands me her mobile number, urges me to text her and tells me she 'thinks about me' I'll just carry on sending maybe a text a week, (I don't go overboard on facebook either - I don't pay her more attention any anybody else !) and see how it goes. Hopefully another woman will come along that catches my eye. Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Since you don't really see her daily anymore and you do have her number and can text her.You do have the opportunity for some honesty.That is you could send her a text along the lines ''Hi,I know you turned down my invite to the movies before as you were seeing someone but perhaps things have changed and I was wondering if you wanted to go this ....? If she responds with a no ..You could text back something along the lines ''Hi ,I really enjoy your company but was kind of hoping for something more than friendship,since that isn't possible right now I would prefer to keep our contact to a minimum.Then you withdraw and focus on someone else.That''s what I would do. Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 Interesting idea, I'll let you know what happens ! Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'm going from 'she isn't bothered' to 'it's obvious she likes me' from one day to the next. Yesterday she came on facebook, wrote 3 messages. She's got seventy odd friends, yet 2 of the messages were for me. One of them asking me to do overtime at her shop. (She wants to see me ??) Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'm going from 'she isn't bothered' to 'it's obvious she likes me' from one day to the next. Yesterday she came on facebook, wrote 3 messages. She's got seventy odd friends, yet 2 of the messages were for me. One of them asking me to do overtime at her shop. (She wants to see me ??) Possibly?Do the overtime.It does seem odd that a woman who recently turned down a guy wants to spend time with you and as much contact with you as she has done.My guess would be she would be distancing herself from you,if she didn't have any interest. Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 yeah none of it seems to add up. Link to comment
almost_20 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 It seems to me that the whole fiasco she had with the boss and you comforting her probably started to change her mind about you. Ever since that post it seems that she has been trying to get closer to you. I would definitely go do that overtime with her and if that means some alone time with her I would definitely be a little more frank with her about why she wanted you specifically to do overtime with her. If it's because she sees you as a good friend or because she has feelings for you. The time has come I think for you to stop torturing yourself with thoughts of what she might be thinking and get some definitive answers, I can't gaurantee it'll help you sleep at night but it'll give you some closure at least. Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'm too chicken to ask her direct questions. Things seem to be progressing though, she is sending me more messages on facebook. The last 4 or 5 she has done have been to me. If she sent 20 to others and one to me, I could understand that. But she does seem to be focussing on me. I sent her a little message as well. I don't usually initate contact on facebook but this time I did. It was about the golf caddying, just a joke. I also put in a message I was thinking of buying either a guitar or a piano. She put back, buy a piano because I can play. (Does this mean she wants to have a go when I get one ?) I'm starting to think it's not what I think it is: Woman feel sorry for an older guy who has a crush on her and is nice to him. She just seems to be doing too much for that. I know I'm torturing myself but I told everything to this woman I know and she said I was doing the right thing. I was 'drawing her in' - I will probably step things up a bit. Link to comment
DN Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'm starting to think it's not what I think it is: Woman feel sorry for an older guy who has a crush on her and is nice to him. She just seems to be doing too much for that. What is the age difference? Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 12 years ! I know alot. She's 30, I'm 42. She must like me as a friend though. That seems pretty obvious. Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Listen ,stop with the old guy talk and talk about age difference.It is irrelevant in this situation. Link to comment
DN Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I don't believe 12 years difference at 42 and 30 is significant. Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 I don't think either. Nothing much to add. Just sent a text her wishing a nice holiday. She mentioned it before she left. I was thinking today : the most honest / frank thing I've said in a text is , 'really missing you' - that was before she saw me last Saturday and said what she did (She's jealous of her replacement, thinking about me etc) - so the really missing you didn't offend her, it can't have done. I know at this rate I'm going to be 50 before I do anything but I don't know ? maybe I am doing the right thing taking things easy. Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I don't think either. Nothing much to add. Just sent a text her wishing a nice holiday. She mentioned it before she left. I was thinking today : the most honest / frank thing I've said in a text is , 'really missing you' - that was before she saw me last Saturday and said what she did (She's jealous of her replacement, thinking about me etc) - so the really missing you didn't offend her, it can't have done. I know at this rate I'm going to be 50 before I do anything but I don't know ? maybe I am doing the right thing taking things easy. Well,it is natural that you would be cautious/apprehensive when dealing with her ,since she did turn you down but she appears to be coming around .You don't want to go for broke and lose it all at once,that is understandable. Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 The thing is she brightens my day up. She used to do that when I worked with her. She just makes me happy. Even comments by her on facebook put a smile on my face. At the moment I am happy doing what are doing. The odd text and facebook. She's mentioned enough meetups, (overtime at her work, golf, that piano) to suggest we may meet up sometime. Of course nothing is really said directly by either of us. It seems we both have trouble talking about feelings so little bits here are said and little bits there. The overtime was mentioned but not a particular day yet and the golf is in the summer. That Jealously remark: I keep going back to it. The opposite way round would have been me saying I'm jealous of the all the new men she was working with. I've never said anything like that. I wonder why she said something like that. I've met her replacement and she seems nice enough but I do feel a bit awkard around her. It's like I don't want to get to know too well. Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 I was just wondering if her texting habits are anything to go by. She has never sent me a text, all her ones are replies to mine. I also don't get one until the next day sometimes. I know she is busy and I'm not used to mobiles and texting. Is this the normal procedure ? Also since most of my texts are not direct questions, is it normal for her not to send a reply ? Link to comment
Solo Pilot Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Well her slow responses definitely indicate that she's not infatuated with you(yet). Don't give up. Just go with whatever speed you think is right. It's not easy to go from being in the friendzone to the relationship level. If you have feelings for her, you must act on them sooner or later. I would let her text you first for a while. When she does, don't respond right away. IMO you almost have to play the game to get somewhere with people. Believe me, I hate playing games and had to learn this the hard way haha. Don't say things like 'I miss you' or ' I'm thinking of you' unless she says it first. If you want to be more desirable in her eyes, you need to back off and not seem like your so interested in her. That doesn't mean you have to be mean and unfriendly to her. You just need to be a little more distant. Let her come chase you a little. If she does,which will tell you that she does have some interest in you, which will tell you how she feels. Then you can try to approach her again with a date. Though I could be wrong about everything.......GL Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 I think you are right about everything. Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 Well she's getting interested in me buying a piano. I know she plays a bit. Maybe another way of a meet up ? I sent her 2 texts last week, I think that's about right. I don't want to get into sending loads every day. Thinsg seem to be moving along okay. There is a bit of the 'shared interest' thing going on especially with the golf. Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 Everything is okay. And do you know what ? It's nice to have a female friend. Not many come along to be honest. Maybe it won't develop into something else. But at the moment it's nice to know a woman cares about me. Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Everything is okay. And do you know what ? It's nice to have a female friend. Not many come along to be honest. Maybe it won't develop into something else. But at the moment it's nice to know a woman cares about me. Don't settle for being her ''friend''.Ultimately ,it's not really what you are looking for. Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 True. But I don't know where this is heading. I keep getting surprized ! She put 'see you soon' on her last text. So hopefully I will. Link to comment
putter65 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 She sent me a text today. First time ever she has sent one first. It was a bit strange, seemed to be a copy and paste thing. I don't think she wrote it. It said, 'I may not be the most important person in your life but when I hear your name - I smile and think of a true friend. Try and collect 5 of these, it's not easy' - I didn't know what to put back. Finally I put ,'I can only think of you, I won't get to 5 lol' I then put, 'I do smile as well !' - (the 5 friends is true because I don't have 5 peopl's numbers !) So I don't know what to make of it ? Have I said the wrong thing here ? Have I gone too far ? Or is everything cool ? Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 Nothing much to report. Sent her a text this morning, no reply just yet. She does seem to have a habit of replying the next day. When I get a text from her I'm over the moon, when I don't I'm dejected. Every text I send is the last one; in my mind. I always think I am over stepping the mark. This is so hard. The easy thing would be to stop sending texts because what is the point ? She will soon get fed up and forget about me if she hasn't already ! I am so negative, it's like being in a swamp. I just don't think like other people. I don't have much self worth I guess. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 God ! I wish I could change the way I think ! All this wondering and thinking; it doesn't do me any good. It shouldn't be such a big deal, getting a text back from her. But it is ! This delay ! What is that about ? A text takes one minute to send, I wonder why it takes her a day or so to send it. So far she hasn't not sent a text back. She has always sent one. But not straight away. I have this fear that I will send texts and she will stop sending texts back and I will become a nobody to her. Should I continue ? I am unsure of this. Should I send one a week until she tells me to stop ? I've never had a woman's mobile number before. I guess my trouble is I haven't any friends really and I am trying to cling on to the ones I have. I am wondering if my texts are too much and she is going to get offended by them. Yet I put as little in them as possible. I make the least effort I can to show I have feelings for her. I know I should move on but the moving on will involve me going back to having no real friends and none of this sending texts. (Probably she will send me a text tomorrow and I will suddenly start to think she has a crush on me again) - I don't think I will ever change. Link to comment
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