Solo Pilot Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Bro, I've seen you post messages here every day and though I feel for you, I think you should focus your attention on someone else. If there is no one else to focus on, then maybe work on a hobby or something. We all know how much you want this girl to give you attention. I'm guessing that one days she doesn't text you, you get all sad and depressed like. Then on days where she does text you, your on cloud nine. Is this anyway to live? I'm not saying you are like this. Just guessing. I'd back off for now and let your her text you some more. In the mean time try to take your mind off of her. This whole thing is driving you nuts.. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 Your right. I need to get my act together. I'm losing weight at an alarming rate as well. I know I should focus on somebody else but it just isn't happening. I do have a few hobbies, golf mostly. I am trying to start a new one; playing the piano but even that is linked with her because she has shown an interest. I had all these thoughts of us playing the piano together. It's not just romantic. When I worked with her, if I was having a miserable day; a 5 minute chat with her would cheer me up. She just cheers me up, brightens up my day. Stopping all contact just seems silly. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 I wish I could have the attitude of when I send her a text I'm been friendly and doing a nice thing. Instead of : I'm harrassing her and getting on her nerves. I feel like all the time. It is so hard for me to do anything. I would never invite anybody anywhere yet others seem to do it. And it isn't a big deal when the other person says they can't make it. This woman gave me her number and has encouraged me to keep in touch. I'm sending one text a week. There's nothing wrong with that is there ? Yet I worry and worry. And it's not just this woman but everybody all thru my life. The easy way would be not to do anything and just withdraw into having no friends like usual. For example, I've ordered this piano. Would it be such a terrible thing to ask this woman if she ever wants to have a go on it she can ? She said she's always wanted to have a go on the piano. Is that me been nice ? Or me harrassing her by asking ? I'm fed up of not doing anything. I should ask more and make friends. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 It's all very frustrating at the moment. She left a facebook message on Thursday morning and after that nothing. She hasn't replied to a text I sent on Friday. Nothing since. I know someone else from work sent her a text and hasn't got a reply either (info from facebook) so it's not 'me' she's got a problem with. I'm worried to be honest, I hope something bad hasn't happened to her. Of course me being me, I'm waiting until a certain number of days go by until I send 'are you okay ?' text. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 So depressed, so down. I should be used to it. Nothing 'good' happens ever ! Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 The thing is - I should move onto the next one but what is the point ? The next one will be like the last one and the one before that. I've lost count of the women I've been interested in. I've never had a date, never got that far. I am so rubbish, so garbage. I have no chance whatsoever. It is so clear. How can I have a positive attitude when nothing ever goes in my favour ? Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 After all that worrying everything went to plan. I asked her if she ever wanted to have a go on my new piano she can. She sent a text back saying awe thanku. She has a funny way with texts. She ignored one I sent last week. This week she said sorry for being so late in replying. She also passed a message on to one of my co workers that she is still using my present ( a pen) So she thinks of me and is nice to me. I think that's it. I can't see her wanting to go out with me. I suppose 'friends' is better than nothing. Link to comment
FrogIsFree Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Wow!! The being-accused-of-an-affair thing..? That happened to me.. & more than once!! When you wrote that she is attractive and that jealousy was the cause, I was glad to see these words from you because it was never going to be a show of humility for me to suggest it! ..people can be so nasty (I was going to use a stronger word but I have to keep reminding myself about infractions! & it made me livid that she had to be moved when she'd done nothing wrong.., just because of insecure women! ..probably the wife! and the colleague winding her up to take a pop at your friend!! soI manipulative! I was accused of having an affair by a church member.. it was many years ago.. but, in retrospect it was clearly designed to hurt + at the time it did.. I now ignore that sort of thing, but when it's a sabotage tactic + costs you your position at a company (moving to another location will affect her, not only because she didn't choose it but because she has to start again in a new place & establish herself! Makes my blood boil.. I fought the accusation but it was incredible how many women went with the gossip + found an excuse to hate my guts.. ie subscribe to their self-fulfilling prophecy (except it wasn't true) that because I was `good-looking' I could only have bad morals and be dishonest, etc, etc.. There were very immature clearly, but I couldn't see anything Godly about the behaviour of any of them - ringing me up at midnight, then a choir member refusing to practise with me on `moral' grounds, then it all came out in the wash that the husband had had two previous affairs - was hung up on me (I was completely unaware of this, quietly going about my own business) and the wife had got mad then jumped to the assumption we were having an affair because she saw me be friendly with him and smile at him a couple of times! ..I just told them to go away + grow up by the end of it, but after the morning after the accusing phonecalls, I'd gone to church and every, I mean every church member was staring at me thoroughly convinced of my guilt, so I left because I wasn't putting up with that nonsense! Godly? Nothing but judgmental and compassionless - not to mention completely wrong! Grrrr Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 Sorry to hear all that. Not a very nice experience ! Regarding this woman (my current crush), I feel sorry for her. I did hear she is missing our shop and she did tell me in a text that she was. She is on my mind all the time and I do miss her very much. Hope to see her again soon ! Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 What do you think of all this ? She just likes me as a friend ? What did you think of that jealously remark ? It's a strange thing to say to a guy who got the hots for you ! Link to comment
NMF1978 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I suppose 'friends' is better than nothing. i disagree, if you're shure its never going to happen, its better to close off al contact with that person, that way it will be easier for you to deal with Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 i disagree, if you're shure its never going to happen, its better to close off al contact with that person, that way it will be easier for you to deal with Maybe but I'm short of friends so possibly it's not such a good idea. I'm not sure nothing is going to happen either. She could come around. I can cope with friends only as well. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 After all that worrying everything went to plan. I asked her if she ever wanted to have a go on my new piano she can. She sent a text back saying awe thanku. She has a funny way with texts. She ignored one I sent last week. This week she said sorry for being so late in replying. She also passed a message on to one of my co workers that she is still using my present ( a pen) So she thinks of me and is nice to me. I think that's it. I can't see her wanting to go out with me. I suppose 'friends' is better than nothing. I've got over all this worrying when I send a text. I send one and that's it. She answered the last one pretty quickly though. I did notice on facebook that she dumped a few people as friends. I know one of these she went out with last year. I escaped the cull so I haven't done anything wrong yet. I can imagine men are always asking her out and they want to know why when she says 'no' - When I worked with her I did notice she seemed to attract men who bullied her and wouldn't take no for answer. She told me all about one guy who wouldn't leave her alone. I've also noticed on facebook her male friend sends messages asking her if he has done anything wrong because she hasn't been in touch. He sounds a bit needy and clingy. I must be so different. I don't do any of those things. I just send her messages asking her how she is etc. Link to comment
FrogIsFree Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 I've got over all this worrying when I send a text. - good, I was waiting for you to feel like this..! I escaped the cull - you're so funny! ..though I know on a more serious note it would have hurt, if she had dropped you.. I think that would have been odd, considering how nice she's been to you. When I worked with her I did notice she seemed to attract men who bullied her and wouldn't take no for answer. She told me all about one guy who wouldn't leave her alone. - my constant nightmare!! I don't do any of those things. I just send her messages asking her how she is etc. - believe me.., that will be one of the reasons she values you so much as a friend.. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 - good, I was waiting for you to feel like this..! - you're so funny! ..though I know on a more serious note it would have hurt, if she had dropped you.. I think that would have been odd, considering how nice she's been to you. - my constant nightmare!! - believe me.., that will be one of the reasons she values you so much as a friend.. I hope so ! Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 I hope so ! They are alot of nice moments I keep thinking about. This one was way before I asked her out, I think in November. I got there in the morning and she was there but in a quiet mood. Anyway I didn't say anything and when it was just me and her in the warehouse, she said she was 'fed up'. I told her I had noticed. We then had a chat and she talked about stuff. Can't remember what was bothering her, probably she was just feeling down. So throughout the day she gets in a better and better mood and when she leaves she comes to me and says how much better she feels and how bad she felt in the morning. I told her I didn't like to see her down in the dumps and I was happy because she was happy. I like things like that. It was me who helped her, not the grumpy boss. Me ! Link to comment
FrogIsFree Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Glad you remembered this! Link to comment
dramallama Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 You are well and truly in the friend zone, buddy. Call her phone TODAY and ask her in person whether she wants to go to a dinner and movie next weekend. If she declines or says she's busy, say "ok, that's cool then." Then start NC. Nothing good will come from being her friend. Go for what you want, and if you don't get it, move on. Because that is what a confident man does. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 You are well and truly in the friend zone, buddy. Call her phone TODAY and ask her in person whether she wants to go to a dinner and movie next weekend. If she declines or says she's busy, say "ok, that's cool then." Then start NC. Nothing good will come from being her friend. Go for what you want, and if you don't get it, move on. Because that is what a confident man does. I'm not confident though. And women who give me their mobile numbers don't come around often. I don't want to go back to having no friends. Link to comment
FrogIsFree Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I'm not confident though. And women who give me their mobile numbers don't come around often. I don't want to go back to having no friends. I don't feel it is my place to advise but my opinion is: you value her as a friend and why not? I think you have gained confidence ..though I am sure it will not feel like it.. because you took a risk and asked her, you could have just not bothered and sat wondering.. you know now and if you feel strong enough to stay her friend, that is your choice and ultimate your decision. If it is too painful to just be her friend, then that may be something to consider long term. You do deserve good friends in your life and whether she is one of them or not, is your choice but also I believe you will make more friends! Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 I don't feel it is my place to advise but my opinion is: you value her as a friend and why not? I think you have gained confidence ..though I am sure it will not feel like it.. because you took a risk and asked her, you could have just not bothered and sat wondering.. you know now and if you feel strong enough to stay her friend, that is your choice and ultimate your decision. If it is too painful to just be her friend, then that may be something to consider long term. You do deserve good friends in your life and whether she is one of them or not, is your choice but also I believe you will make more friends! I don't think it's too painfull to be just friends with her. I am sure as time goes by she will become less important to me and join the group of women I liked that didn't feel the same. Link to comment
FrogIsFree Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I don't think it's too painfull to be just friends with her. I am sure as time goes by she will become less important to me and join the group of women I liked that didn't feel the same. You seem stronger than sometimes your words portray.. that is all I can say Link to comment
bostonbruins44 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 You are well and truly in the friend zone, buddy. Call her phone TODAY and ask her in person whether she wants to go to a dinner and movie next weekend. If she declines or says she's busy, say "ok, that's cool then." Then start NC. Nothing good will come from being her friend. Go for what you want, and if you don't get it, move on. Because that is what a confident man does. I agree,although not sure if he should immediately call her and if he gets a ''no '' move on.I think you should develop some other prospects,putter.Remember this woman already knows that you are interested in her romantically since you asked her out.If she was interested in you romantically then what is she waiting for ,she likely would have suggested doing something sooner rather than later. Link to comment
putter65 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 I agree,although not sure if he should immediately call her and if he gets a ''no '' move on.I think you should develop some other prospects,putter.Remember this woman already knows that you are interested in her romantically since you asked her out.If she was interested in you romantically then what is she waiting for ,she likely would have suggested doing something sooner rather than later. I know plus the fact she never sends me a text but only replies to mine. I hope some other prospects come my way. I doubt it though, not alot seems to happen. Like I've said 'friends' with this woman is okay. At least it's something, sending a text here and there. I was thinking about how many friends I've got and the answer is probably none. I get on with my work mates and chat with them on facebook but that's it. None of them have my mobile number and I don't generally see them out of work. Link to comment
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