im rly mad Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Something I really struggle with is appreciation and gratitude... I can be thankful if I go from a catastrophic situation to a better one but if I'm in a static environment then I'll become used to it and feel like its just there. I am aware of how lucky I am, but it doesn't really make me feel better about anything. I don't know what I want and I feel like that generally consumes most of my fear and stress which may be contributing to my lack of ability to exert any actual appreciation for anything within myself. I just can't really see myself pursuing something and loving what I'm doing; I'll constantly just be wondering, "well, what if I had done x and y, then maybe I'd be in a better place." At the same time, I realize it is probably not true and regardless it doesn't matter, because I'm doing what I'm actually doing and I'm not living a fantasy life inside my head. I've talked to a couple of psychologists and posted here a fair amount, but I usually always end up at the same place. I feel like its kind of sad (in a pathetic way), but every time I REALLY try to conjure what I want in my mind and plot it out on paper, it seems to always tie back to just getting laid. The bad thing about that, is I know if I do get laid I know I'm just going to be saying, "That's it?"... or if I get a girlfriend that I'm sexually active with then I will eventually get tired of it. Sometimes I've thought that is what I needed - so I can really figure out my priorities since my #1 in life up to this point has been accomplished. I feel like a lousy disgusting American stereotype *which in fact tend to be true in my experience. I want to take a step in the RIGHT direction for myself... but there isn't a "right" direction. There are an abundance of directions and I have no idea which one to take so that I can at least feel a general sense of happiness. I don't really know what I'm looking for from this post... I just want to find a way out of constantly feeling so bleh about everything. Link to comment
Annamary Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 You sound like my ex...i guess hard working alot of stress...and no personal time makes you like this! Link to comment
Annamary Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Try to listen to music you like...things you like to do... gym....try to find YOU again...what did u like to do as a kid? painting? drawing? building things? paintball? Biking? hiking? skateboarding? surfing? explore...go do YOU! You'll get there! Link to comment
savignon Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 You said you recognize how lucky you are but don't "feel" it. What are the things you acknowledge as being good? Link to comment
im rly mad Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 Annamary- The thing is, I have a TON of personal time, and I'm not even really hard-working. And the things I liked as a kid- videogames- became an addiction and probably deteriorated my mind quite a bit. Paintball is something I really like to do but its so expensive that I can only go like once a month IF that. savignon- I have a great family who loves me and cares for me, I have a dog that I love a lot, I'm in college (but I don't know if that's exactly "good" for me) on a scholarship, and I'm pretty well off... I don't really have excess money, but I have enough for rent and to take care of minor problems if they come up. Link to comment
Annamary Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 So you need a challenge....hmmm....would you think working for a good cause is something for you? let's say animal rescue? I'm trying to figure out where your heart/motivation lies... How about buying an old car/motorcycle and work on it.....create something in your way.. Sky dive? jet ski? lol@ me i can go on with this... How about "extra" work in a bar meeting new people? Then go paintballing.....ha sounds like a plan Link to comment
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