Can it work if there is 22 year gap?

[Joh]

I am 27, he is 49. We work togeather - can it work or should i forget about it?

[Duderanomi]

Forget about it. You're coworkers AND he's old enough to be your father.

[kdreger]

He's 49 and you're 27? HE'S A LUCKY SOB!!!

 

If you want to know if it'll work just do the math...

 

When he's 60, you'll be 39... he'll be getting close to retirement and you'll be in your prime.

 

Forget it.

[Joh]

but i love him...............

[Esprit]

If you love him, then I personally don't see a problem. My parents are 20 years apart, and they've been together for about 20 years.

[IamAlone]

is he married before? kids?

 

if there are kids....that would be another problem because you don't know if they will like you or not?

[Duderanomi]

If he's got kids, I bet they're older than she is.

[Joh]

yes he has kids but no they are not older than me.

[ComputerGuy]

I think we should stop judging her on what we would do personally. My parents are a fair bit apart. I'm not sure how much by, but I know that when my step-mom was litttle my dad used to look after her, and he used tor ace speedway with her dad.

 

If you love each other age won't matter. Who cares what other people think or say, it's your relationship, not theirs and itws how you feel that counts.

[IamAlone]

just wondering how old are the kids? in 20's? and by the way, is he divorced or just separated?

[JonnyG]

If you truly love him, and are certain you will continue to love him as he gets to older age, then i don't see the problem. but u have to be sure u will feel the same in 20 years or so. No 1 can tell u what to do its up to you.

[planb]

My advice is to look beyond the age difference, and focus on the other areas of compatibility: do you want to get married, and is he willing to remarry? do you want kids and if so, does he? do you have similar lifestyles? will he treat you as an equal or will he see himself in a power position and be somewhat condescending about your wants/needs? what will happen when he retires - will he support your career, or will he want to be off playing and how will that make you feel?

 

I think you need to think about these bigger picture things before getting too emotionally involved with this man. Until 2 months ago, I was dating a man 30 years my senior (I am 33). We dated for just over 3 years. We went into the relationship both joking about how it was doomed because of our age difference, but wanting to have fun and enjoy each other. Along the way, we realized we were soulmates; I fell in love hard. Unfortunately, there were several "deal breakers" that no matter how much you love someone, they do not go away. He finally broke it off and told me that I needed to find someone "that can take me to the places I need to go and that he cannot take me (marriage, family, etc)." So now I am left dealing with not being with him. In hindsight, if I would have just thought it through before following my heart (and libido), I would have just enjoyed the flirtation and not acted upon it.

 

Of course, not every age-gap relationship will turn out like mine. I'm just only offering some cautionary tips as a result of my ending. good luck.

[larajenkins4]

how many times do you find real love?

 

it doesnt matter about the age, if you love him, then be with him. it doesnt matter about the age, it only matters the happy times you spend together.

 

so be with him if you love him, it doesnt matter what people say, or what the age gap is, if he feels the same, then its worth figthing for, no matter what the age gap is.

[savannahohsavannah]

if they are between adults. Young adults and older adults. I have no good wishes to anyone who wants to date a teenager as an adult. They are clearly in the wrong morally. Also, as a 27 year old, you are older than you would be as a college freshman. So don't look at this quite in the same way. My question is this: do you like him? Do you think he could meet your needs over a long term? Are you willing to risk to find out?

IMHO, those are the questions you need to answer. You don't need to answer to us or anyone else.

[Amethyst]

I agree...you're both old enough to make your own decisions. If you are BOTH willing to give it a try, then go for it. However, you really need to think it through and be prepared for the problems that will come with it. (Just as people have judged you here, people will judge you in real life...also, as someone else pointed out, there will be later difficulties. When he's 65,living in retirement, soon to be dealing with the prospect of nursing homes, etc., you will be 43 with a full-time job, trying to take care of your elderly husband and high school aged children, etc..)

[Hey_Beautiful]

I am not speaking for every situation, because each one is diifferent.. However....

 

My boyfriend is and I share a 22 year age gap. We've been dating for 3 years now, and it has worked, but it has been no easy ride...

 

Age gap relationships require so much attention and work, because you have to mentally be on the same page to be able to go out in the world and face everyone else. We've had to work A LOT at it, but we've done it because we do love each other. We also met through work, and we had to work through that issue too, but it has worked out as well.

 

Another little secret: I'm in my 20's, too. I think that it becomes significantly different when you start this kind of relationship when you're older. Being out of college, and working, and independent has a lot to do with my security in my relationship. We're not equal, BUT we are..it's hard to explain.

 

So yes..it can work, but it can take you for a ride...good luck!!

[hazlcha]

I know people who were exactly 22 years apart. That's cool, and probably the outer limit. I met a girl whos father was 40 years OLDER than his wife. that was NOT cool, because he's aging and failing, his wife is in middle age, and his daughter is late teens. It was just asking for trouble. But 22 is still possible. My grandfather was 28 years older than his second wife, and he out-lived her.

[Mermaid]

Bottom line: Anything is possible.

 

Twenty-two years is a huge gap, but obviously there are people even at this forum who are living proof (or know people who are) that it can work.

 

Still, when you consider that he was a full-blown adult by the time you were born, it seems a bit daunting (at least to me). You don't share any of the same generational experiences, because he was already into adulthood when you were just a newborn.

 

Before I met my boyfriend, I was good friends with an attractive man in his late 40s with whom I have a LOT in common. In fact, he's still one of my favorite people. But I chose never to pursue anything more with him because I knew that if we had gotten together, I would always feel as though something were lacking, simply because I wouldn't get to experience the stages of life with someone who was experiencing it along with me. I knew that I would always long to grow old with the man I love, not to enter the relationship with him already there.

 

Just some things to think about...

[Cadence308]

I think that the questions others have asked are good to think about. It is good to think about whether this could go long-term and would you want kids, etc.? Maybe that's not something that you care for. Also, what about the work situation? Does your employer have a policy against dating people you work with? Hopefully, this older man is not your boss! It sounds like it could be complicated with the age issue and work issue. I think I would be more worried about the work issue than about the age issue. Also, maybe you value other things and not the whole growing old together and experiencing things at the same time. I have a friend who values intelligence more than anything else in a relationship so it really just depends on your perspective on what's important in a relationship. Good luck!

[sasha505]

I think it could work, I wouldn't really encourage it, but if you love him, it's not like you can stop how you feel. Give it a chance.

 

My parents are living proof that age gap relationships can work - dad is 61 and mum is 46. 25 year age gap, happily married for 19 years now.

[jackson5045]

embrace it

live in it

follow it through

age is not important its stage of life that matters

and as for the co workers thing

there are not alot of other places to meet people now

its perfectly acceptable

[casdancinchik]

think people make too big deal about age difference but In 14 and my parents are 38 and 58...20 year difference and they met when they were 16 and 36 and married when they were 19 and 39 their birthdays are 8 days so acually for 8 days my teenage (19) mom was married to a 40 year old and I have a Half brother (34) and sister (25) from his first marrige and its all cool with them

[Phil]

22 year gap thats a lot. however if you really love him i would say go for it *damn this guy is lucky.. lol* but you must remember. that hes more then likely going to pass away before you so you'll have many lonely years. can you put up with that? lets say he passes away at 70. that leaves you at 48... don't wanna discourage you away from this but its something you have to think about.

 

good luck

Phil

 

 

*damn that guy is LUCKY!*

[lonly112000]

Sorry and i know im young so dont tell me this but i really think there is no way it would work i mean thats my perspective i went out with a girl for 2 years and she is now 20 i was 10 when we started goin out and we broke up on my 12th B-day it was a great relationship fun happy and full of love but there is no way it would have worked out she was starting her life when i was still in grade school we had to end it although i was only 12 she took it harder than me the way i see it is the average life of a person in the U.S. is 75 or 80 when he is 75 you will be 53 so when he dies that will be 22 years you go without a partner now if you married a guy who was about three or four years older than you then you would be together till the end (if all went well) but i mean what ever you feel is right if you think it could work i wouldnt say dont do it because everyone loves who they want and if i loved someone that was 20 years older than me i would prolly go for it too but whatever

[lostlove]

I think that you should think about his kids first. If they're just in their early teens or younger, then perhaps you should ask him how they feel about your relationship. about two days ago my dad was dropping me off at school(my school doesn't have busses), and he told me that he has a 25 year old daughter. he is 41. it really bothers me, she's only 12 years older than me, and i just don't think it's right. and yes, my parents are divorced(since last year), he's not having an affair or anything. i spent a good half an hour of school sitting on the cement floor of the coat room with my head in my lap just trying to pretend i was invisible. that kinda thing could really hurt his kids if they are young like i earlier mentioned.