its unlikely to expect answers after a break up?

[ned2010]

i sense alot of people feel unable to understand why relationship ended, and the dumper can never give a real straight answer for it

 

i have been told by folk that i proberly will never get an answer to why my ex dumped me, even though to me it should be so simple and not a confused mess of riddles

 

and then someone else told me that the dumper ussually aint even sure why it didnt work out

 

i wish i found this site sooner

[MayJane]

Yep Im in this boat it's horrible

[SapphireNoir10]

A lot of the time we dont get answers to our questions or even closure from the other person. We have to make our own closure, accept it wasnt working, or they werent happy and didnt want to be with you/me and that its probably better its over.

 

Even if you were to get answers, they might not be real/accurate or comforting.

 

The dumper might not even be able to put there finger on why they broke up with you either. They may not know the answers themselves.

[Fudgie]

It is sad. I think everyone deserves answers.

 

I've been the "dumper" when my past relationships ended and I always gave a reason or reasons right up front. That way, we could both work on healing right away and my ex would not have to be fussing about "closure" and all, we could start NC right away and there wasn't any misunderstandings.

 

I'm really sorry that your relationship ended without answers. Sadly, some people are like this and just don't want to go into reasons. I am thinking when it happens many times, it's because the other person met someone else and doesn't want to 'fess up about it. Or sometimes they do have good reasons but they don't want to risk a "confrontation". It's sad.

[-Sanguine-]

Sometimes even when we do get answers, they aren't good enough. I know that is how I was with my break up. He gave me answers, reasons for everything.. but even then I didn't feel satisfied. It's because it's a break up. We aren't happy about it, usually. So accepting the reasons right off the bat is very unlikely. It's sucks that you weren't given any answers at all.. that's really not fair. But I hope it makes you feel somewhat better that sometimes even getting the answers doesn't cut it or make anyone feel better.

[hidden_kitten]

I thought that I was very honest with my answer when I broke up with my last boyfriend - that I didn't want us to become a long distance couple again (we had already spent 3 years as one and it was difficult), and that I wasn't ready to give up my career goals for someone else. I still loved him (and still do) but we were going round in circles about it and I thought that breaking up would mean both of us could start the lives that we wanted.

 

Now, however, he has told people (including me) that I must have left because he was an awful boyfriend that doesn't deserve anybody because he's such a bad person. So, sometimes, does it really matter that you get an answer? Perhaps the fact that it's over is all there is to work with? So don't beat yourself up if your ex never gave a clear cut answer, it probably means that the problem lies more with them than it did with you.

[Philos]

A lot of the time we dont get answers to our questions or even closure from the other person. We have to make our own closure, accept it wasnt working, or they werent happy and didnt want to be with you/me and that its probably better its over.

 

Even if you were to get answers, they might not be real/accurate or comforting.

 

The dumper might not even be able to put there finger on why they broke up with you either. They may not know the answers themselves.

 

This is right on the money.