I always drive people I care for away

[Mines a black coffee]

Okay, i'm not asking for sympathy here because it is me who has finished my latest relationship. My problem, however, is that despite caring for this person so much I finished with here becasue I simply didn't trust her.

 

I was hurt terribly in the past, and since then have learnt the only way to keep myself safe from the same torture is to only have faith and trust in myself. I already finished with this woman already once in the past over this. However, I raised my hands, admitted a made a big mistake, and she took me back.

 

I did the same thing again a few weeks back, again saying I could not be with her becasue I was so worried she may cheat on me. I know it sounds pathetic, but again I will hold up my hands and admit it. Since then I have received a birthday card and present from her, which I appreciated so much, and started conversation again. However, for no apparent reason she accused me of being ignorant and not caring for her. She has since not contacted me in two weeks, despite my texts asking what it is I did wrong. I don't want her back, I have seen the real her and it seems rather pathetic how childish she has behaved, however I just want advice as to how I can just have faith in others, so I never put myself in the same situation again. I really want someone, but I throw away any chance I get.

[Azure13]

I think she probably accused you of being ignorant and not caring for her b/c you dumped her for something she may have not even been doing. Getting dumped for no reason hurts. Trusting someone can be hard; sometimes we distrust people for a reason, like myself, in my first relationship I constantly distrusted my boyfriend and it turned out, I had good reason for it. But really the more you distrust someone.. the more likely they are to betray you in a way, because you push them away. I can't offer any advice except for just letting go and if you really feel that person loves you, just trust them. What have you got to lose? We all get hurt in life either way. Just follow your heart but keep your brain in the picture too; I mean if someone is clearly not trustworthy then don't trust them.. but don't just jump to conclusions for no reason..

[Scout]

Your comment about not wanting her back because you "see the real her" indicates you have quite a bit of anger brewing inside. I think that same anger is what makes you have jealous tendencies. Guess what - I can totally relate to your problem. I have the same tendencies. And they absolutely do drive people away. I am still in the learning process of figuring out how to get rid of this anger and mistrust, but it's not an easy road. It all comes down to feeling threatened that this person is going to let us down somehow.

 

I don't have any advice right now, because I haven't figured out how to fix this problem in myself either, but I can empathize with how you feel. Maybe some others can give us a little much-needed advice!

[brokenpogostick]

I'm in the same boat as the rest of you. i don't know how to get rid of these feelings of mistrust or the feeling of possibly being let down, but scout has a good point - it's possible that you could be hurt either way. you're never going to know until you try - it's human nature to try & fail - i'm anxiously awaiting a really good response as well - all i can do at this point is join the club

[OhJeeeez]

I just started dating a girl about 3 weeks ago or so. Things hit off so well we thought something was wrong with one another, like we were hiding something (distrust). This distrust stemmed from both our backgrounds.

 

She fell in love with someone that turned out to be married and would not leave his wife. I was engaged, had a son and then was cheated on after giving to this woman everything I had, including my trust.

 

I used to be one to trust without reserve. I think many people are until they experience "real" hurt. Now even though we are still in the same boat together, the fact is, we are in it together, both growing from it. Communication is key in a relationship, more so when there is distrust involved. If you make your partner aware of your background, make them realize that you have a hard time trusting someone, I think it helps tremendously. I find myself going out of my way now, to show her that she can trust me. She does this to me now as well.

 

We both now realize what's ahead of us, so we take it at a comfortable speed, slowing learning to trust one another. The good thing with us is, that even though its been a short time, if feels like its been forever and we are able to open up to one another so much better. So our "trust" that the person won't abandon this or hurt us, is slowing dwindling.

 

Hope my situation gives you some direction, seems to be working for us!