ned2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 what are the signs when your ex's attraction to you is gone? and dont say when they dump you because its never as straight forward as that Link to comment
lesigh1 Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 When they become distant. When they ask for a lot of space. When they don't like kissing you in the face anymore. When they maintain a certain amount of physical distance when you're hanging out. When you call and they don't answer or respond. When you text, and you're not getting any replies. When they tell you that they are hanging out with friends, and they do not care to offer any more detail than that. When they no longer will go out of their way for you. Basically... sometime before they dump you. Link to comment
ned2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Author Share Posted December 3, 2010 what about after they dump you, i mean its all about attraction, so how do you know if its still there after being dumped Link to comment
lesigh1 Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 what about after they dump you, i mean its all about attraction, so how do you know if its still there after being dumped If she's a girl, then basically she's no longer attracted to you. Physically... maybe. However, physical attraction isn't enough for females. Idk what happened in your relationship, but I guarantee you the attraction started to fizzle out before the breakup. Link to comment
ned2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Author Share Posted December 3, 2010 a day before our breakup she was quite sexual with me and was very soppy with me, so it all happened way to fast in my eyes but i dont want this thread to be all about me, just about the subject Link to comment
lesigh1 Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 a day before our breakup she was quite sexual with me and was very soppy with me, so it all happened way to fast in my eyes but i dont want this thread to be all about me, just about the subject It's easy to fall into old routines with lovers e.g., having sex and being emotional. That doesn't mean that the attraction still exists at the same level when you first met. If anything, the things that used to be exciting are routine and impliedly do not attract. Girls, I've found, are generally REALLY nice creatures. They will care way too much about hurting you to actually let their feelings be known. Hence, they'll leave hope out there that you two will get together for some reason or another when they break up with you. Idk. It's a cruel game. In any case, this might be way it seems like it "happened way too fast." The signs of lowered interest level were there, but they were disguised amidst your ex's general nice nature. Link to comment
ned2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Author Share Posted December 3, 2010 nice nature? hmm... to be honest i had 2 days with her and it sometimes felt like i was fighting her off me both them days before we split and that i was the one held back because of things out of my control maybe thats when the attraction went, because i wasnt as exciting as she wanted me to be them last 2 days Link to comment
lesigh1 Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 nice nature? hmm... to be honest i had 2 days with her and felt like i was fighting her off me both them days before we split and that i was the one held back because of things out of my control maybe thats when the attraction went Stay in control of everything. Generally, that's something women are attracted to in a guy. Good looks plus control, confidence, self-assuredness, etc. is where the attraction is. Link to comment
ned2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Author Share Posted December 3, 2010 ah well then my mistake must been holding back them 2 days, becuase i see no sign that she wasnt attracted to me, she see the wrong side to me, lacked confidence and held back, oh if i could change things that were out of my control Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 I know you don't like the mention of the dumping, but I think it's worth noting. Have you ever heard of people getting a lot more affectionate and saying "I love you" right before they dump the other person. Why do people do this sometimes? It's to convince themselves that they do feel love or attraction. So that's something for you to consider. Link to comment
ned2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Author Share Posted December 3, 2010 sounds like a defence mechanism called Reaction formation in which case she did the total opposite after we split, couldnt dislike me more after Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 sounds like a defence mechanism called Reaction formation in which case she did the total opposite after we split, couldnt dislike me more after I think you should try to figure out your own psychology versus trying to figure hers out. You're the only one of those two who you can diagnose. Link to comment
ned2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Author Share Posted December 3, 2010 i know what my faults are, and i worked out what i did wrong, but i also gotta work her out Link to comment
lesigh1 Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 i know what my faults are, and i worked out what i did wrong, but i also gotta work her out I second this sentiment. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 i know what my faults are, and i worked out what i did wrong, but i also gotta work her out Why do you need to work her out? I think there is a normal level of trying to understand where the other person is from, but there are lines right? So at some point it just becomes grasping at straws. Link to comment
perio Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 Two days before my ex broke up with me, she told me for the first time that she loved me (during sex) and she was hyper sexual that night. Hmmm? Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 Distant, and is not on time on the responding. They start making excuses. xD Hope that helps LOL Link to comment
ned2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Author Share Posted December 3, 2010 Why do you need to work her out? I think there is a normal level of trying to understand where the other person is from, but there are lines right? So at some point it just becomes grasping at straws. because she wants a guy that will understand her, as she dont talk about how she is feeling, she auto thinks the guy will know this, but it dont work that way Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted December 3, 2010 Share Posted December 3, 2010 I think all of the posters have a valid point, because every person and relationship is different and likewise, on a different path. I really believe ANYTIME your SO starts acting differently, GOOD OR BAD, could mean something's up. Some may become distant as they have progressively convinced themselves this isn't working and they're just looking for the right moment to spring it on you. Others may become more affectionate because they've also convinced themselves this isn't working but they just can't bring themselves to do it and think maybe if they change, or start doing x, y or z, that things will get better. After that doesn't work, they feel like they've "really tried to make it work" and can walk away. Why do you think change scares the hell out of some people? BTW, I think pure attraction becomes a diminishing piece of the puzzle as a relationship progresses. It becomes only one of many layers. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted December 4, 2010 Share Posted December 4, 2010 what about after they dump you, i mean its all about attraction, so how do you know if its still there after being dumped Usually after people have dumped you, they rarely feel any attraction anymore (imo). They did the dumping for a reason and lost attraction at the same time. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted December 4, 2010 Share Posted December 4, 2010 Others may become more affectionate because they've also convinced themselves this isn't working but they just can't bring themselves to do it and think maybe if they change, or start doing x, y or z, that things will get better. After that doesn't work, they feel like they've "really tried to make it work" and can walk away. This is to the tee what happened with my ex and I. She felt she gave it her all. Second chance doesn't seem too likely for me. Link to comment
lesigh1 Posted December 4, 2010 Share Posted December 4, 2010 because she wants a guy that will understand her, as she dont talk about how she is feeling, she auto thinks the guy will know this, but it dont work that way Girls aren't difficult to understand when it comes to attraction. In other words, I find it pretty easy to attract a girl using one's words and social skills. It's not a bad thing to want to figure out what's going on inside someone else's head. But be careful with being obsessive about it. At some point, you're just gonna have to say forget it. Then you just gotta forget it. Link to comment
ned2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Author Share Posted December 4, 2010 but in all relationships you need to know what will make the other person happy, and if they dont tell you then u cant eva know Link to comment
lesigh1 Posted December 4, 2010 Share Posted December 4, 2010 but in all relationships you need to know what will make the other person happy, and if they dont tell you then u cant eva know If a girl likes you, then she'll make it easy for you to be with her. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted December 4, 2010 Share Posted December 4, 2010 but in all relationships you need to know what will make the other person happy, and if they dont tell you then u cant eva know Ah the mystery of not knowing. Very true. ;] That's why you get a psychic. LOL Just kidding! That's why you learn more about them. Link to comment
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