Should I tell him?????

[notgivingup]

A little background

 

I met R through Craigslist in July or August of this year, and I had a boyfriend at that time. We started off chatting with each other on aim and our topic of discussion was almost always about the relationship between my boyfriend and I at the time, because i was unhappy with that relationship. He saw me through that relationship up until the point I broke up with him. Then we exchanged numbers and then met up in October (did that count as a date?)

 

Current situation

 

We have met one three more times after that. Things got a little bit out of hand that last time we met which was Monday. We both agreed that things went too fast for our liking; we were cuddling and kissing a lot in the movie theater, things would have gotten worse if I had not stopped him (he wanted to unbutton my jeans). A part of me wants to believe he's serious about me but a part of me couldn't (that part of me thinks he just wants my body because he didn't wait for it. His words and actions proved that he is genuinely into me. We are almost always texting each other, he's nice, sweet, caring, he could be like a typical guy (he is also the kind who likes to talk things out instead of needing his space). He makes me SOOOOOOOOOOO happy and the same goes for him. He makes me feel SOOOOOOOOOO special. He always reminds me how much he misses me, wants to talk to me, wants to see me. We are about to see each other again tomorrow.

 

Dilemma

For those of you who have read my posts before, I have HPV and epilepsy. It is something that I have not been able to accept and deal with; something that I have always been insecure about. But then again R knows that I have something and if i do not tell him; then he is going to think I do not trust him. I also know that open and honest communication is a very important part to any relationship. But I am also afraid of his reaction even though he has assured me that I am the only one he wants, that nobody could be better than me, that he is able and willing to accept whatever it is that I have to tell him. Should I tell him? We have only been dating for a month. He said that I should tell him sooner rather than later, cuz he knows how much it bothers me and he just wants to reassure me and just want me to be happy. My other question is are we moving too fast?

[SapphireNoir10]

I think you should tell him. Yes.

 

If you feel like your moving too fast, you probably are. Its whatever your comfortable with.

[preciousgirl82]

If you see a future with this guy you're going to have to tell him eventually. I am sorry for what you are going through health-wise but please know that you dont have anything thats embarrassing. If he's the nice guy that you say he is then he will be understanding and it may even bring you closer. Its best to be honest in the beginning. Wouldnt you like to know if he's the type of guy who will stand by you and help you take care of yourself?

[sidehop]

If you want to be serious with him or is already then yes, do tell him.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Have you ever been single, without a partner? You launched so quickly into this relationship..in fact you were basically setting up the stage for an immediate transfer into a new relationship after you ended the last one. Perhaps you need to slow down and regroup, spend some time on your own before dating again.

 

As for your question, I think he should know your HPV status since he already wanted to get sexual with you.

 

Is your epilepsy under control? Have you ever had seizures when out in public? Do you wear a medic alert bracelet? If you are planning on being in a relationship with him then he should know about your epilepsy in case you have a seizure while with him. I once had a friend who had epilepsy and it was good that we all knew about it so we knew how to handle it. If you don't tell him and you end up with a seizure while with him, he won't understand what is going on and he will get frightened.

[Batya33]

Yes you should tell him. My guess is that the real issue will be that he knows from how you met him that when you are unhappy in a relationship you seek out other men to talk to behind your partner's back -- perhaps so you can be sure to have a replacement waiting in the wings rather than breaking up first and being on your own? My suggestion is that you deal with that issue also so that you are both clear as to why you think that this time you will behave in a different way (or be honest that if you are unhappy you will behave the same way again). Since you say that open and honest communication is important I think you need to figure out why you weren't as open and honest with your ex as you (arguably) should have been, given your signing on to craigslist and your communication with this new guy.

[notgivingup]

If you see a future with this guy you're going to have to tell him eventually. I am sorry for what you are going through health-wise but please know that you dont have anything thats embarrassing. If he's the nice guy that you say he is then he will be understanding and it may even bring you closer. Its best to be honest in the beginning. Wouldnt you like to know if he's the type of guy who will stand by you and help you take care of yourself?

 

Hi preciousgirl82,

Yes you are right. I do want to know as soon into the relationship as possible whether I am going to be with a guy who will stand by me and help me take care of myself. I am most likely going to tell him tomorrow. Wish me the best of luck. Thanks for your advice.

Notgivingup

[notgivingup]

Hi crazyaboutdogs,

Yes, I have been single, without a partner. It is true that I do go from one relationship to the next. I am trying my best to change that and just be single. I am dating R even though I know he is ready to be with a relationship with me now. He knows that I am not ready to be in a relationship yet, and he respects that. Perhaps you are right I should spend some time on my own to regroup, it just seems like that is impossible for me. Someone is always there ready to date me or to be with me. I plan to tell R about my HPV status and the epilepsy the next time I see him. My epilepsy is pretty much in condition with the help of medication. I have had seizures out in public before. And no I do not wear a medic alert bracelet. From the way things are going, I am most likely going to be in a relationship with him. Thanks for your advice.

Notgivingup

[notgivingup]

Hi batya33,

Yes, you are right. I do seek out other men to talk to, for comfort behind my partner's back in the past; because I did not have the courage to end the relationship and also because I believed that the relationship will get better. I do not know whether I seek them out in order to have a replacement waiting in the wings as soon as the relationship is over though. I am trying the best to change my ways. I want to stop seeking out other guys when I am unhappy in my relationships in the future and speak to my partner instead. I think one of the reasons why I did what I did with my ex was because we are unable to come to a compromise and it was hard for us to communicate and express our feelings to each other. I did tell my ex about me signing onto craigslist though. Thanks for the advice. I do plan to tell R tomorrow, I think he deserves to have the right to know and it will strengthen the relationship that we will with one another once I told him, and proved that I trust him and his love for me.

Notgivingup

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is totally unrelated to what you asked, however, I think it is important. For your own safety you might want to consider getting a medic alert bracelet or necklace. If you have a seizure in public and you are out alone it will be important for bystanders and the paramedics to know your condition right then and there so they can respond to it appropriately.

[orchidrose]

I have HPV as well and just slept with my first new partner since being diagnosed. I hemmed and hawed a lot about it, because it seems like the internet is of two minds: one that HPV is so common that you shouldn't even bother telling a partner, the other that you have a moral and ethical responsibility to tell them so they can make a decision as to if it's a risk they want to take. I chose to go the responsible route and tell him.

 

I was really scared to, because a lot of men don't even know what HPV is. Luckily I kind of blurted it out when it appeared that sex was going to happen soon, and he was totally cool. He had an ex who had it, as well, and we talked about the impact that it had had on our lives and our sex lives after being diagnosed. It ended up being basically a non-issue.

 

So tell him. You have nothing to fear. If he's a big jerk about it or thinks that you're not the kind of girl he would want to date because you have an STI (an STI that he may even have), then he's not worth your time.

[notgivingup]

This is totally unrelated to what you asked, however, I think it is important. For your own safety you might want to consider getting a medic alert bracelet or necklace. If you have a seizure in public and you are out alone it will be important for bystanders and the paramedics to know your condition right then and there so they can respond to it appropriately.

 

Hi crazyaboutdogs,

That is actually a good suggestion. Can you give me an idea on how I could go around doing that?

Notgivingup

[notgivingup]

Hi orchidrose,

Thanks for the advice. It is really nice to know that I am not alone; that other people have been through what I went through or is going through what I am going through. It is especially encouraging to hear success stories just like your own. I too have hemmed and hawed over it and the fear of him leaving me once he knows is like a dark cloud over my head. Luckily, he has been accepting, open and reassuring telling me "I am what he wants," that "he will never leave me," that "his opinion of me will only get better as he gets to know me better." I seriously hope that this is going to be a non-issue for us as well and that I will be able to accept, trust, and believe his reaction right after I told him no matter what his reaction to my news is.

Notgivingup