Question about married man and female friend...

[Ayreonfae]

My husband has a female friend that he met through an online game (World of Warcraft). I played with him and was never a fan of her but was kinda netral about her) She moved here with her fiance almost a year ago. That is when the text message started getting inappropriate and he kinda blew me off. Since then it has been a roller coaster and they (the girl and her fiance and our friend) have had some serious bad luck, so I let things slide because I felt bad for them, so I k now I have fault in this going on this long too, I should have just put my foot down the 1st time I suspected an emotional affair. Also in July my husbands brother passed away suddenly and he has been a wreck since, so I have been easy on him, but I can't do it anymore. He calls her almost everyday when he gets off work, her fiance had to move back to Michigan to find a job, he forgets to call me on his way home but calls her, I have no idea about how many text or emails or other types of communications.

I have tried to get over it and make friends but it didn't work out. I have asked him to limit the amount of communication but it is increasing. I am positive this is only emotional affair and I am mostly sure they haven't seen each other in about 2 weeks. He knows how much this upsets me and still continues it, I finally asked him to cut off all communication 100%, telling him that I deserve a emotional monogamous relationship without threats, and that it is not an ultimatum but me standing up for myself and our children.

He has other female friends, co workers, exes, as well as mutual friends of ours. I think men and women can be just friends if certain boundaries are in place and respected, but I feel this is way over those appropriate boundaries. Am I wrong here? Am I asking too much? Is it appropriate for a married man to have a female friend he talks to almost everyday about his feelings and his day and who knows what else?

[OptomisticGirl]

When your man would rather call another woman rather than you on his way home, there is a problem.

[HeartGoesOn]

An "emotional affair" is cheating. You and your children should not have to live like this.

[rosephase]

WOuld you be okay with this level of contact if his friend was male?

[Celadon]

...and would your husband be OK if YOU were talking with a man every day?? I'll bet not!

[Snny]

WOuld you be okay with this level of contact if his friend was male?

 

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be. Could be a sign closet homosexual. Guys just don't call each other that frequently and share their feelings with each other unless they're gay.

 

Yea, this is definitely emotional cheating.

[petite]

Emotional cheating is far worse than physical (for me) simply because feelings are one thing and while I do not condone sexual activity outside the relationship, emotions are even worse. You need to make sure he knows where you stand and it is an either or. He has to pick who he wants in his life and you shouldn't budge. The fact that he speaks to her every day after work is very alarming and I personally would not be happy with my partner doing that with just one person all the time - especially of the opposite sex. Every now and then is normal, but he is constantly in contact with her and chooses to call her over you, that is absolutely ridiculous and downright unfair.

[gottogeton]

I've been playing WoW for years and I've seen it wreck many relationships... It's really easy to get heavily emotionally involved with virtual strangers, and taking it to the cell phone level is a HUGE red flag. Ask him to cut the ties fast.

[Ayreonfae]

Thank you for the replies. I am going to put my foot down and following through is going to be extraordinarily hard, I just need to give him a lil more time to work through this depression. I will continue to make my feelings known on the matter so he knows I am not Ok with it, but I don't want to make this recovery any harder. If he does choose to stay and I hope he does, I want him back whole not in any worse shape. He says he can not trust my judgment on this issue because past plans of mine or ours (pertaining to moving to a "better" or "cheaper" place) haven't panned out they way we planned. So I hope a little back up and outside support will help him see this is not the same type of judgment call.

[Celadon]

Good for you, Ayreonfae. It is HIS judgment that is impaired right now. Support him however you can emotionally, but try to help him see things from the outside perspective on this matter. He is deceiving himself.

[3boys]

Wait, they have seen each other in person as recently as 2 weeks ago??? He's right, he can't trust your judgment on this issue because you've let it go on THIS long already, not because past plans to move haven't panned out (what does that have to do with whether or not he's talking to another woman? NOTHING!!!). You should have stopped this long ago, but I wouldn't let it go on for one more second....if he knows you're going to give him time to "work through this depression", he's going to milk it for as long as he can and find ANY excuse to keep the relationship going, you need to stop this NOW!!!