Work crush! Talk me down, please. PLEASE. I know it's hard to get responses, here.

[blahsquared]

For the past year and a half, I've been crushing on my coworker. He looks like Jake Gyllenhaal. He's insanely funny, sexy, and super intelligent.

 

He's been in a relationship for much of that time, and when we met, I was too. For the past nine months I've been single, however. He's talked me down from many depressive ex-related moments.

 

Still - for the past three or four months, he's been single as well.

 

I am friends with his ex girlfriend (who he dated for three years, though on and off). I am also friends with another of his ex girlfriends, who also works with us.

 

He hangs out with me all the time though. He doesn't flirt, but he always asks me to hang out. I know that this means nothing. I just.... really like him.

 

I told him of my attraction, last week, when we were hanging out until five in the morning. I told him that it was harmless, and it is - in the sense that I know it'd be bad for me to actually attempt any real intimacy with him.

 

But since then, the hangouts have increased. He saw me at a Halloween party and kissed me on the mouth as a greeting. It is just so obviously him leading me on.

 

And yet he keeps hanging out with me. We are buds. He is not dating anyone else. He does not want to date me.

 

It is driving me nuts.

 

Someone, tell me that I shouldn't keep hanging out with him. Because I know this is the reality, and that he's just effed up about relationships and the many intersecting women in his life.

 

But I am so into him. I just want guys I can't have. Argh. Talk me down. Someone?

[DN]

Why can't you have him? What did he say when you told him you were attracted to him?

[blahsquared]

He said he also had a thing for me, but we worked together and it would never happen. Which I get, since we work in a very small environment and have a very... well... incestuous group of friends. I mean, I'm friends with TWO of his exes. And we're not exactly children. Anyway, for all I know, he was just saying that it was reciprocated to make me feel better about the crush. Politeness. You know.

[bruinsy81]

He said he also had a thing for me, but we worked together and it would never happen. Which I get, since we work in a very small environment and have a very... well... incestuous group of friends. I mean, I'm friends with TWO of his exes. And we're not exactly children. Anyway, for all I know, he was just saying that it was reciprocated to make me feel better about the crush. Politeness. You know.

That's not a legitimite excuse in my book[working together].You told him of your interest and he hasn't reciprocated except by wanting to hang out with you and be buddies.You did the correct thing,you made your feelings known in a direct way..By hanging out with him constantly you are now giving him free validation.I suggest you spend less time with him and focus on someone who wants to be with you.

[eatpraylove]

I agree with B81...I know you would love more but you are also correct...small pond! Consider you are merely stroking his Ego since he doesn't see you in a romantic way...spend less time, self preservation. I wouldn't tell him AGAIN you are spending less time w/ him if he asks that you like him, want him etc...don't stroke his ego anymore, just shrug, keep it casual and say you have just been busy lately.

 

Get busy too, so it's the truth!!!

[agatha]

get friends with other males, and keep your mind off him.

 

really, small pond, sensitive environment, you work really close together and he is seing you as a potential fwb right now. that's not what you need.