How to deal with sarcastic, errm...<removed>?

[muchacha_abril]

So I work as a tutor of Spanish at this university and have to tutor whoever comes into the academic learning center. Sometimes no one comes, sometimes six people come at the same time come. One of them is this really sweet lady who has told me about her life and who I felt I could talk to. Not long ago she said she needed extra help and asked me if I could come a little bit earlier and give her a private session. She offered to pay me and I said that wasn't necessary. I gave her the session and she gave me an envelope for my little sister who I've told her about. In the envelope there were $50 and a note saying how great I am and such and such.

 

Well, today she came in and I was helping another student. She usually stays for 2 hours so I decided to help the other student who only needed a couple minutes. She got upset and started turning the pages of her textbook really hard and quick, evidently upset. When he finally left I started tutoring her but it bothered me for her to think that she has priority over everybody. Throughout the whole session she was being sarcastic and asking me if "I felt alright" without reason. She saw I was upset and she just kept pushing my buttons. At the end of the session she tells me "I'm gonna be here Monday either you like it or not". I told her that it wasn't necessary to threaten me. She said "I'm joking, don't take it personally".

 

Now I regret having taken her money because she thinks she can do and say whatever. It's always the same with me. I'm stupid and can't put people in their place...it makes me really depressed. How do you guys deal with that kind of stuff? I wish I was the kind of person that can respond at the moment. GRRR...I'm still really pissed and I have to admit I'm hurt. Mostly because I couldn't respond to her at the moment. Help me!

[LightbulbSun]

She sounds really immature. How old is she?

[muchacha_abril]

About 60. She's a little bit of a character though. But it did annoy me.

[EQD]

I suggest having a private talk with her to clear the air. Leave no room for misinterpretation here and don't get upset.

[Tanzi]

I would wait and see how she behaves the next time you tutor her privately. It might all blow over. If she behaves in much the same way or if it happens again the next time you are tutoring another student privately you need to tell her that your other students have as much right to your time as she does and that you would appreciate it if she didn't make you feel bad for that. If she offers you money next time perhaps you shouldn't accept it telling her that it really isn't appropriate for her to give you money if she thinks it is going to give her priority over the other students.

[generaldiscord]

There is no hope unless you learn how to put your foot down about things. You are under no obligation to make yourself suffer for other peoples' feelings. At most, you are required not to -purposefully- or -easily avoidably- offend them.

 

So this lady is 60 and opinionated and gave your 'sister' 50 bucks. So you tell her that she's being unnecessarily rude and that she is making you uncomfortable. That should clear the air.

[muchacha_abril]

Yeah, I don't think I'm tutoring her privately again though. I didn't like her attitude and I don't like to owe anyone anything. I want to be polite but I also want her to feel that she will not be getting any extra benefits. This silly thing totally ruined my day.

[catfeeder]

I would return the money and tell her you've learned there's a policy against accepting gifts because it creates expectations of favoritism.

 

This will not only resolve the problem, it's true and will prevent her from jeopardizing your job.

[generaldiscord]

And your day is worth something! Buck up, be a man, don't let some random quasi stranger exert that kind of control.

[muchacha_abril]

I'm a girl, lol! But I will follow your advice. And you are right, generaldiscord, it's kinda silly that someone who barely knows me can have that control over me. About the money, catfeeder, I gave it to my sister because the woman sent it to her. She knew I wouldn't receive money from her. Maybe on Tuesday the tension would have come down. I really need to man up.

[catfeeder]

Once again, I would return the money and tell her you've learned there's a policy against accepting gifts because it creates expectations of favoritism.

 

Either get the money back from your sister, or consider it your own gift to sis and cough it up yourself.

 

Your problem isn't about confrontation, its about falling for manipulation and accepting a bribe. So UNmanipulate the problem, and if it costs you a measly 50 dollar tuition, make the lesson worth it.

 

Until you correct this you are in danger of being reported for accepting a 'gift' and this puts you and your reputation in jeopardy. Is that worth 50 dollars?

[muchacha_abril]

I agree with you, catfeeder. That's probably the best thing I can do right now to fix the situation. I was naive but like you said, I should learn my lesson after this. It really isn't worth getting upset and risking my reputation.

[muchacha_abril]

So I did it. I gave her back her money in a pretty envelope with a pretty card that said "thank you" in which I explained that we, as tutors, cannot accept presents or gifts from the students because it might create conflict. As I was giving her the card I said "I hope you understand" and she answered "Of course I understand, I'm a smart woman". Gosh, the sarcasm doesn't end. But I'm free again. Thanks for the wonderful advice.

[catfeeder]

So I did it. I gave her back her money in a pretty envelope with a pretty card that said "thank you" in which I explained that we, as tutors, cannot accept presents or gifts from the students because it might create conflict. As I was giving her the card I said "I hope you understand" and she answered "Of course I understand, I'm a smart woman". Gosh, the sarcasm doesn't end. But I'm free again. Thanks for the wonderful advice.

 

Good for you. The woman has some obvious emotional problems, and remembering this when dealing with her might make it easier on you.

 

Children manipulate because they have no power, and when adults manipulate it can be considered regressive. Adults manipulate for the same reasons children do it--only they're better at it.

 

Secure people don't feel a need to offend for attention. This speaks volumes about people who squeak the loudest, and while the first button this presses is annoyance, I find it helpful to look a layer deeper because it prompts me to respond kindly. (I'm not exactly getting any younger, either.)

 

Head high, and do your best to enjOy.