Where to Meet a Date - For Introverts

[FrogIsFree]

I learned to just relax, and if things happen, they happen.

For instance, I'm always at the library, or at a bookstore or just doing anything that's alone time for me. I see cute guys all the time, and they see me.

Before it'd bother me because I'd want to talk to them so bad, but then i thought whats the point, i dont want to creep them out.

 

This is the point I got to & now I just go about my business and meet all sorts of interesting people and this is how I met a guy who is interested in me.. Also, I have proof now that it really helps to go to a place regularly eg a class or members club doing something you enjoy and because the people attending change all the time it increases the number of people you come in to contact with and you sometimes have chance encounters with their friends who recognise you and say hello and better still you get introduced to people. Also, hanging out for a coffee afterwards is great for striking up conversations randomly that lead to you noticing someone you struck up a conversation with who is now talking to the woman you are really interested in..!! That's how it works in my experience.

[jenbrooks]

I am a nerdy girl and joining a sport to meet new people aren't just me, or joining a religious group, or joining any group lol.

 

I have a few girlfriends, they are pretty close to me, and a family which I interact with on a weekly basis, but my personal life involves work, video games, and the internet, so other groups and such just aren't me

 

I think once I am done healing I am going to link removed or okcupid it. Or I can force to fix myself to do sports and stuff, but I always sucked at this, in schools, and even till now!

[Thorshammer]

I am introverted - but due to what people call my demeanor i leave off more of a "stuck up" or "dont mess with me" vibe more so than introverted and 'too-myself'. Considering that, i tried to do the hobby thing and it didnt go well. I used to play Dungeons and Dragons (yeah, i am a big closet-nerd)- and the girls there avoided me, most were wondering why i wasnt even playing or how i knew the rules - but, the number of women to men ratio was not good enough.

 

I did the kickboxing and karate thing, but i became so good at it that i focused on my fights than on anyone in the class.

 

Despite being introverted, i did force myself into bars - with enough drinks in me - i can turn extroverted and attract women. Other than that, online has been good to me. Introverted people have an edge when it comes to online. We talk way more deeper, more thoughtful and give off enough strong vibes of compassion and focus into private one and one conversation that we stick out (though when we go on the actual face to face date we might shell into a ball into we feel comfortable enough to come out and return to where we last left off on the phone).

 

Also, i dont know about you guys... but being introverted has made me on heck of an adept at reading peoples body language and tone of their voice as cues to their interest or what their intentions are.

[happpybear]

(though when we go on the actual face to face date we might shell into a ball into we feel comfortable enough to come out and return to where we last left off on the phone).

 

I'm introverted and this is so true! This happens to me when I am set-up on blind dates, and I have only talked to the guy first on the phone, and on the phone it's easy right, but then face to face...I get a little awkward sometimes, lol. Not always though, if there is enough spark I natter on like a goof and don't know what the heck I'm saying

 

link removed is a good way to meet new people in general, or potentially a date. You can join groups and usually the outings/activities are limited to like 10 people (unless it's a mixer or dating event). I think smaller groups are easier for introverts to navigate. You may meet someone special, too!

 

I actually recently joined a meetup group for introverted people! I haven't gone yet because...I'm introverted!

 

It's still winter. I'm hibernating. In the spring though..

[Thorshammer]

Yes! I usually give women a warning before i meet them that it might take a while for me to match the guy on the phone. Imagine a goofy and chatty guy that has good conversation, and then you meet him in person and hes only at like 25% his level - you would assume hes not interested anymore. I do have my default dating persona, but the older i get, the less i rely on that - i am way too carefree to try that hard to impress anymore. But, it was far worst when i was younger.

 

When i meet another introvert, it becomes weird. Ideally, i would want an introvert - i tend to find introverts attractive regardless if she is not my usual physical type - mostly because the life i see us sharing is far more interesting and wanted - so i overlook everything else - but, on the date, my introverted behavior comes out super-strong with them, and we both look like we are disinterested. Plus, extroverts are very easy to read because.. well, they love to transmit their emotions and feelings and desires externally, they are like beacons that can be read in the dark - while introverts are "inside", and you literally have to go INSIDE to read them.

 

Hence, i end up with extroverts... which usually doesnt work out well, especially nyc extroverts.

 

Me: I like museums, you should go with me... i bet i can show you some stuff since i read up on history a lot. I like walks in the parks, beaches, sight-seeing, libraries, barnes and noble, boardgames- maybe a quiet small hole in the wall type of bar, and staying home and watching movies and shows.

 

Her: I like clubs, lounges, miami, dancing, meeting new people... ummm, i do like to read though- i did read twilight?

[happpybear]

Me: I like museums, you should go with me... i bet i can show you some stuff since i read up on history a lot. I like walks in the parks, beaches, sight-seeing, libraries, barnes and noble, boardgames- maybe a quiet small hole in the wall type of bar, and staying home and watching movies and shows.

 

ya this is exactly me! Just add in experimental baking and arts n' crafts. I find that extroverts think I am "quaint". I have never dated a hardcore extrovert, I don't think it would work unless he was cool with me not going out to social events all the time. But I like extroverts because it takes the pressure off of always starting the conversations. I find that with really introverted people, I usually step-up and lead the convo, but that gets tiring for me after a while. With extroverts, I can listen and respond--which I like better than initiating and leading. I think I need to be with someone that is somewhere in the middle, not too introverted and not too extroverted either.

 

I don't think I look disinterested on dates with introverts that I am interested in though, I have a pretty expressive face so my feelings are usually pretty obvious, unless I try really hard to look neutral, but I don't do that too often. But if my date looks disinterested then I feed off that energy and pull back because I figure he isn't into me, so I can see where it gets confusing.

[Thorshammer]

I don't think I look disinterested on dates with introverts that I am interested in though, I have a pretty expressive face so my feelings are usually pretty obvious, unless I try really hard to look neutral, but I don't do that too often. But if my date looks disinterested then I feed off that energy and pull back because I figure he isn't into me, so I can see where it gets confusing.

 

Ya, i think i need to fix my face. I have dated women usually in the middle, they usually end up staying home with me and leaning more toward introvert, i can be a fun partner at home. I can be pretty funny, and i do play around that we end up wrestling, or trying to scare each other, or having deep discussions that hours fly by - but one left over it, actually she busted out of her shell and became super-extroverted out of nowhere.

 

The funny thing is when they keep thinking i will shine and be a hit in their social circle. They dont understand i am that way with them, and people close to me, i cant be "on" with people i dont know. I end up being dragged to the circle and just stand there, and they think i am stuck up or angry. Then when i meet the parents, oooo jeeessssuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!!! The dad looks at me like i just came out of prison, i swear hes looking at his daughter trying to convince her to be careful around me - except mothers, mothers always love me... they always read me as a quiet and well-spoken and shy man, lol. And if there are kids in the house... oooooooooooh booooooooooooooooooooooy lock up the toys around meeeeeeeeeeeeee

[jenbrooks]

I love dating nerds!!! I learn so much from them and my eyes just shine like two bright shining stars when they start talking about which weapon to use in their quest ...

 

But when they break my heart, its really sad

 

So I am not sure its a good idea to date an extreme introvert..

[Thorshammer]

I love dating nerds!!! I learn so much from them and my eyes just shine like two bright shining stars when they start talking about which weapon to use in their quest ...

 

But when they break my heart, its really sad

 

So I am not sure its a good idea to date an extreme introvert..

 

 

The Women i dated usually pretend to like that stuff though, they are always like "oh yeah... that sounds cool..". But then again, i do the same when they talk about shoes or their favorite soap opera. I remember one girl was like, "you really do this stuff?" And i looked at her from my rpg books while trying to figure out if my sword of beldon gives me a +2 or +3 and if it stacks with the undead - and for a few seconds i just mumbled, "yeah... so?"

 

Awkwaaaaaaaaaard!

 

I would dare say introverts do tend to be nerdy and geeky more, so again, nerdy and geeky social circles and hobbies might attract them.

[John John]

I remember when we hung out for the first time, I was kinda surprised at how quiet you were (at first) in contrast with a lot of your posts on ENA. I did think you initially had a "don't mess with me" vibe. But then as we were "tawking" and drinking, I could see you were totally cool.

 

I think I kinda straddle the line in between introvert and extrovert. I think my ability to be "on" or not with different groups of people depends on who I'm with and my mood at the time. I'm always in my head about a thousand miles per hour, sometimes worse than others...so sometimes when I go out, if there are certain people that I don't have the best of relationships with (even though I'm with others that I'm cool with), and/or I'm in a bad mood or have a lot on my mind, I can be quiet and broody. So it depends...hence why I believe I'm a borderline case.

[Thorshammer]

Dude... the first time i met you... i was already drunk before i got to the bar. I downed some beers before heading out, its my usual pre-game thing to do. If i met you sober, i wouldnt have had said much. I was actually at a bday event yesterday and my head went on overload, when i have someone on one on one i have deep convo, once you add more people to the mix - i lose interest in the conversation because .. maybe its less in-depth now because it has to be broad and less personal, i dont know?

 

I did try to talk to that girl in the bar that day though, her boyfriend came back and thought he was going to lose his girlfriend to us, lol - some enough liquor in me and i get a vibe off a girl- and i can fake the funk enough and go on instincts. But... i was really hammered.

 

I dont see you as an introvert, but i can see a borderline between the two.

 

Funny how say that about my post to how i am in person. A lot of people online think because of my post I am extroverted, and because i sometimes half-jokingly post certain things that i am arrogant, disrespectful and cold.. until they talk to me on the phone and meet up with me.

[Thorshammer]

Actually - i think you are better off learning to read whos an introvert than trying to figure out where they flock to.

[happpybear]

Ya, i think i need to fix my face.

 

I think it is pretty common for introverts to look kinda pissed most of the time, lol. I look pissed when I’m thinking about serious stuff. I furrow my brow like in your avatar, and I think introverts are lost in their thoughts a lot--well, I tend to be lost in my thoughts when I am alone, usually daydreaming, but also sometimes thinking about something serious. When I am with people, generally I have a smile on my face. But when I am out and about on my own and am thinking of something heavy or worrying about something, I have the dreaded "b**ch face", lol, but I'm really not b**chy--I'm just thinking! If you’re conscious that you're looking mean, you can easily stop doing it, just soften your expression, un-furrow your brow.

 

I find that in social situations, if I am with people I know well I am usually "on" and I enjoy that, though I need me time later to recoup. But, if I am around people I don't know very well, I become quieter, less funny and chatty until I get to know them better. Also, if I am in surroundings that are busy and prone to a high level of energy and emotion (like a packed bar on a Friday night) I get easily overwhelmed and then become quiet. I pick up on the feelings and energy around me and get lost in it, and that exhausts me.

[happpybear]

Actually - i think you are better off learning to read whos an introvert than trying to figure out where they flock to.

 

This can be hard though too, sometimes I can come accross like an extrovert depending in the situation. I know I have been fooled by other introverts before too.

[Lonewing]

I have the "something must be morosely wrong" face... cause people are always asking me if everything's ok, as if there's something wrong. I've been told to smile since before I could tie my shoelaces...eh, sometimes if you make a face it gets frozen that way...

[John John]

I have the "something must be morosely wrong" face... cause people are always asking me if everything's ok, as if there's something wrong. I've been told to smile since before I could tie my shoelaces...eh, sometimes if you make a face it gets frozen that way...

 

I think it is pretty common for introverts to look kinda pissed most of the time, lol. I look pissed when I’m thinking about serious stuff. I furrow my brow like in your avatar, and I think introverts are lost in their thoughts a lot--well, I tend to be lost in my thoughts when I am alone, usually daydreaming, but also sometimes thinking about something serious. When I am with people, generally I have a smile on my face. But when I am out and about on my own and am thinking of something heavy or worrying about something, I have the dreaded "b**ch face", lol, but I'm really not b**chy--I'm just thinking! If you’re conscious that you're looking mean, you can easily stop doing it, just soften your expression, un-furrow your brow..

 

 

Sexybear, YOU have a "b@%ch face?!" I honestly can't believe that!! lol Yeah my "default face" can sometimes kinda look slightly angry. It's because I have thick eyebrows that are almost always furrowed, because I'm almost always going 1000 mph in my head. I've always been told to smile too...luckily I have a winning smile like Joe Biden

[Thorshammer]

I think it is pretty common for introverts to look kinda pissed most of the time, lol. I look pissed when I’m thinking about serious stuff. I furrow my brow like in your avatar, and I think introverts are lost in their thoughts a lot--well, I tend to be lost in my thoughts when I am alone, usually daydreaming, but also sometimes thinking about something serious. When I am with people, generally I have a smile on my face. But when I am out and about on my own and am thinking of something heavy or worrying about something, I have the dreaded "b**ch face", lol, but I'm really not b**chy--I'm just thinking! If you’re conscious that you're looking mean, you can easily stop doing it, just soften your expression, un-furrow your brow.

 

I remember one time i was with my work-partner driving to work when he said... "thor, stop looking at the dashboard like that, the dashboard didnt mean it!" I looked at him like, "what are you talking about?" hes like... "youre face!"

 

So i went home and looked at what i thought was normal facial expressions.... and i was like, holy moly! So, i try to walk around with a smiley face, but i feel like such a poser. And its really hard for me to fake laugh that most people do to seem welcoming and social - so when someone cracks a joke and its not funny.. i just stand there and look at him thinking, "that was corny..."

 

This can be hard though too, sometimes I can come accross like an extrovert depending in the situation. I know I have been fooled by other introverts before too.

 

I can spot the introverts, actually more so the guys. In my opinion women control their body-language better than men, they are more self-aware as to how they project themselves.

[John John]

I can spot the introverts, actually more so the guys. In my opinion women control their body-language better than men, they are more self-aware as to how they project themselves.

 

I second this. Women are much more aware of how they project themselves. This is totally true. Although I'm much better at this than I used to be.

[happpybear]

Sexybear, YOU have a "b@%ch face?!" I honestly can't believe that!! lol Yeah my "default face" can sometimes kinda look slightly angry. It's because I have thick eyebrows that are almost always furrowed, because I'm almost always going 1000 mph in my head. I've always been told to smile too...luckily I have a winning smile like Joe Biden

 

Lol, I do indeed Sometimes b**ch face happens to good people, lol. I call it "Jerk face" for guys, now if you were to walk around with furrowed brow AND winning smile, you would probably confuse the hell out of everyone! Hmmm, this may be an interesting social experiment actually...

 

 

 

I can spot the introverts, actually more so the guys. In my opinion women control their body-language better than men, they are more self-aware as to how they project themselves.

 

I second this. Women are much more aware of how they project themselves. This is totally true. Although I'm much better at this than I used to be.

 

I agree with this, I can usually always tell the guys, the introverts are usually the ones that are not looking for attention or bragging and being loud. I think that women are conditioned and expected to be more social even if they are introverted because it's seen as abnormal for a women to not be chatty/gossipy etc. So I think we have to be more open so that we don't come accross as mean or b**chy--especially if the women is attractive. If you are attractive and have a b**ch face, or quiet/shy--forget it, you are maligned by men and women and they think you're snotty. So there is more pressure to not been seen like that.

[Thorshammer]

Lol, I do indeed Sometimes b**ch face happens to good people, lol. I call it "Jerk face" for guys, now if you were to walk around with furrowed brow AND winning smile, you would probably confuse the hell out of everyone! Hmmm, this may be an interesting social experiment actually...

 

I went on a date once with a woman who warned me that she had a mean face, i told her i was the same way. We met up and i already caught the vibe that she approved of me. An hour or so later i cracked a joke and she just looked at me with stone-cold YOU ARE STUPID face, at that point i was thinking... nah, her face cant be that bad- maybe i read her wrong and she doesnt like me - plus she never smiled. And i guess maybe because she was a blonde with blue eyes and looked like a sweet caring teacher-type, i didnt expect that type of stone cold demeanor. So i waited a few minutes and closed my tab and walked her to her car. I said, "get home safe and good luck" - she started yelling in hysteria, GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK.. GOOD LUCK TO YOU TOO THEN JERK! I remember thinking, oops.. i guess she did like me.

 

 

 

 

I agree with this, I can usually always tell the guys, the introverts are usually the ones that are not looking for attention or bragging and being loud. I think that women are conditioned and expected to be more social even if they are introverted because it's seen as abnormal for a women to not be chatty/gossipy etc. So I think we have to be more open so that we don't come accross as mean or b**chy--especially if the women is attractive. If you are attractive and have a b**ch face, or quiet/shy--forget it, you are maligned by men and women and they think you're snotty. So there is more pressure to not been seen like that.

 

My ex was beautiful and she tended to be quiet, she was in-between introvert and extrovert. A lot of my friends girlfriends didnt like her, they thought she was stuck up or had a superiority complex and didnt want to waste time talking to anyone - she was the sweetest girl too.

[journeynow]

I honestly was not aware of this ^ (the bolded part). Could be introversion led me to miss the clues about this, but I did pick up the conditioning about being nice and the cues that I was TOO chatty at home. The talk about the introvert face makes me chuckle, and I'm glad I'm not the only one. I can look unintentionally grumpy, especially as I get older, and have to work at not being so completely and deeply in my own head. (I know people who are the opposite, can look happy when they are not.)

 

It suppose for introverts looking to meet potential dates, the most important thing is for us to get out of our own heads. It's hard to meet real live people there!