I know I should just walk away but,

[ocman]

I feel victimized.

 

I will try and keep this short and concise.

 

History:

I dated this woman for 15 months, we wanted to get married (sometime in the future), but she broke our trust at around 6 months. We never really got back to where we were in the relationship 100% because she just kept lying about things.

 

Breakup:

I broke up with her on September 18 and then she started sending me these 2 crazy texts like, I'm going to call the police. If you hurt me or harm me in anyway I will call my friend who is a DA.

 

I was like go ahead show anyone, anything I've ever sent you because I've done nothing wrong.

 

I've never been aggressive with her in any way, shape, or form, either physically or verbally.

 

At one point after the breakup, she text me, "let's not text anymore", but then she text me 3 times and over a period of 4 days, called me twice. I never answered.

 

Membership:

She's a personal trainer at the gym that I belong to and supposedly she filed some kind of paperwork with the club and they cancelled my membership without even talking to me. When I found out the owner said he was bound by labor law to do this. He wouldn't tell me what she said. There are 2 owners, and I've contacted the second one by email and he wasn't aware of the situation and is going to check into it and get back with me.

 

Victimized:

I feel totally victimized by this woman because I've made a lot of friends there and I feel connected at that gym. I wasn't able to say goodbye to anyone.

 

Question:

Since I've been accused, found guilty, sentenced without ever saying a word. I feel like my rights have been violated. Would you just walk away or what would you do?

 

thanks

[rosephase]

You don't have "rights" at a private club. Which is what a gym is. It sucks and it sounds like your ex is kind of crazy but that is her place of work. And even if she is crazy she has a right to to feel comfortable at her job. Did she handle it well? no.

 

If I was you I would just let it go. It's sad but that is something that happens when people break up.

[Callacova]

I would just say move on and find a new gym, it's not worth giving her the satisfaction of fighting with the owner.

[ocman]

And even if she is crazy she has a right to to feel comfortable at her job.

I agree with you 100%, but how can you move on if you're not able to face an ex?

[rosephase]

I agree with you 100%, but how can you move on if you're not able to face an ex?

 

It's not your job to help her move on. She's got to do that herself. And lots of people make it so they don't see there ex's. In fact it's often suggested on ENA as a way to help you move on. Sure some day she'll be able to see you with out it hurting her or making her miss you or making her upset but that isn't right now and probably won't be for awhile.

[ocman]

It's not your job to help her move on.

I didn't mean to imply that I was helping her move on.

 

I'm hurt too in all of this, but it's so frustrating, it's sad that one person can control another person without provocation.

 

Am I glad I didn't Marry her!

[ocman]

I would just say move on and find a new gym, it's not worth giving her the satisfaction of fighting with the owner.

The other owner told my friend that he doesn't believe her (he and i go way back), but he's worried about the labor law.

[DN]

Did they refund your membership fee?

[ocman]

Did they refund your membership fee?

I was going month to month.

[DN]

Then I would let it go and join another gym because even if you were able to return she would likely make some false allegation about you.

[ocman]

If you would like to read about typical BPD behavior to see if it sounds familiar, I suggest you read my posts in CJ's thread at . Take care, Ocman.

I read the link, thanks for that!

 

1) Right off the bat, she certainly has OCP to the bone. I mean she can't leave "any" clothes in the hamper, that washer is going all of the time (everyday). She was constantly cleaning too.

 

2) She was very jealous of my kids and always had something for us to do when I wanted to see them.

 

3) She had a very bad thing happen to her about 15 years ago.

 

4) She does see herself as a victim all of the time.

 

5) She adopted her 2 kids (9 years ago), then got a divorce (6 years ago).

 

6) She seems to have that abandonment trait as well.

 

Even though she had lied about me and got my membership cancelled, I feel sad for her, the fact that she can't deal with reality.

 

I really loved this woman and would've have married her, had she not broken our trust (several times).