Please help me fight this temptation...

[Pharm11]

First of all I would like to start out saying thanks to all of you in this forum who help the weak and broken - heal and the happy stay happy.

 

I cheated on my bf of 2 yrs ](*,). The guy is married w/ 2 kids. All physical for him, for me he had what was missing in my boyfriend I felt an emotional connection. He contacted me after not seeing eachother for 2 wks, he said he misses me. I e mail back not replying to his "do you miss me question." Then he says "I get the point, I will stop contacting you." This bothered me, I emailed him and called him and told him how I felt. How that this is not just physical, it is more, and that I need to get over him. It felt good to be open and let him know.

 

Now the problem is I am craving for him. weird...And since the ball is on my park because I told him not to contact me, I want to contact him so badly. Me and my boyfriend are not having "issues", but serious matters like marriage...and he wants to stop having sex until we get married....He is being very religious which is what I always wanted. But now after this guy, I feel so weird, I want to make him happy because he wants it....HELP guys, please shed some light. I just want to get over this guy, but then I dont

 

Because when I was with him I felt free, no responsibility, we were both getting away from reality, and just making eachother happy....

[lostandhurt]

Where you really making each other happy or just using each other? Both of you are being extremely selfish and hurtful. I never understood what is so attractive about a guy that betrays his wife and children for some strange.

 

You obviously don't love your bf since I see no guilt in your words so perhaps it is time to let him go so he can find someone he can trust that knows what they want in life. There is no reason to continue this sham relationship. This married guy just represents something and until you figure out why you are so selfish and what you want in life he won't be the last man you cheat with.

 

You have a great a many things to figure out and hurting your bf and destroying a marriage shouldn't be the aftermath while you find the answers.

 

Lost

[lavenderdove]

You are absolutely not ready for marriage to your boyfriend (or even fora serious relationship) if you want to cheat, so don't make that mistake.

 

And trying to compartmentalize your life to get the sum total of what you want from two people is always too complicated and won't make you happy in the long run... and leads to messy divorces and destroying the lives and breaking the hearts of innocent parties like his wife and children.

 

So you are making a choice to be extremely selfish if you continue with this... with no concern for the other people in both your lives.

 

I'd also take it as a wake up call that you're not really happy with your boyfriend, no matter what you try to tell yourself. And if he's religious, your infidelity will not be tolerated.

 

I think it is time to break up with your boyfriend. And leave married men alone, because cheating with them can destroy the lives of their innocent children and wives. A 'little bit of fun' for you can turn into a lifelong misery and irreparable hurt for his wife and kids. There's physical murder, and then there's emotional murder, and fooling around with a married man can turn into emotional murder for his family.

[Pharm11]

I know guys. I have been through a lot though. I have given my boyfriend everything, always been there for him.

My bf and I had many issues in the past, we have broken up 3 times now...

Everything was good this time around...then this.....its was like a test, but i failed.

I have put up with a lot, I have always been faithful before this. Thanks for being honest guys.

This married guy, I am losing respect for him...yet its hard to forget about him, I know he is the bad guy

but its just so hard to forget.

I am trying to heal, and find that raging love that I had with my bf.

[quirky]

No good will come from cheating. No good for nobody. So if I was you I'd leave the boyfriend and the married man and spend some time alone. Discover what you want. If you always knew that your bf is religious then you were expecting the lack of sex right? Maybe you need to come to terms with the fact that it doesn't work with the bf any more and see how you can move forward instead of tagging along. I know you're probably confused and scared but I personally recommend a break. Oh and the married guy is definitely not worth it.

[Pharm11]

Thanks hun! He is such a pig! (the married one), how can a guy just do it and leave with no attachment??

But I care about him, I want to leave him alone

because I do not want to ruin what he has built in his life.

 

You know what the funny thing was, I never even thought of getting with this guy, I just wanted to be friends because

he was cool , charming and smart. He said he had enough friends..: /. And I felt desparate and just wanted this connection

with him, i caved in...

 

No my BF was not as religious only started, since these past 2 months.

I am definetly confused! About me as a person, I am not happy with me

I am up and happy one day and then down and under. I just wanted to make this married guy

happy by giving him what he wanted (dont I sound so stupid!?!) I know I am better than this!, but

I feel as if I am not worth it sometimes. Being with this guy, and making him happy made me feel good.

[dancingcolors]

So your boyfriend know nothing about this cheating obviously. And you just feel fine doing all this, like it is all ok? And you like that he is religious?? And you do this?? Sorry, this is a really messed up story, and oh yeah, the married guy with kids, that makes it even worse. I feel sorry for your boyfriend, sorry for the wife. You need to break up with your boyfriend, stay away from the married guy, and if you want to get you ya yas out, go find some free guys to be with so you can be free, no responsibility, we were both getting away from reality, and just making eachother happy.... .

 

Sorry, your story is pathetic, and I agree with everyone else that you are very selfish. Just go be single and wild, if that is what you need, but stop doing things can can hurt innocent people. And also face the truth about yourself, that you are the farthest thing from religious.

[lostandhurt]

Search your soul to find who you want to be and then set out to be that person. You are confused as you say so alone time might be best. Trying to make someone else happy by having sex with them to in turn make yourself happy is kind of strange thinking.

You should work on making yourself happy by yourself and for yourself and then share that happiness with others. It is the only way to have a healthy relationship with anyone.

 

If you didn't use a condom with the married guy you might want to go get tested for std's right away. If he is doing you, he probably has been with other women besides his wife.

 

Time to learn about yourself...

Lost

[livnlife]

There are 6 people at least who are now affected by this situation. You, your bf, the married lover, his wife and two kids. Affairs are alluring, they offer false hopes of something wonderfull but affairs always hurt people. I'm not not sure that you need to break up with your boyfriend, but you need to come clean. If you hide this forever you will never have the foundation for a pure and healthy relationship with him. You need to tell him and let him decide whether or not to work things out with you. Be prepared for him to end it but he needs to know. Trust is now viloated and your honesty is the only way to restore that trust. Also you need to decide what you really want and if its not your current bf then yes end the relationship.

 

Also the wife of the man you slept with is innocently giving herself to a man that has cheated on her at least with you and possibly with others. Your right he is a selfish pig. And his wife should know before he makes the mistake of giving her an std or getting some else pregnant. She is trusting the man she married and hes fooling around and betraying her only thinking of himself. I suggest that you think of all the other people that this affair is affecting and at least give the wife an anonymous call to let her know that her husband has been screwing around with other women. She will be hurt but needs to know. Think of the long term. If you were married to a man that was sneaking around on you wouldn't you wanna know. I wouldn't worry about how he feels he's a cheater and liar that needs to be exposed.

[Pharm11]

Thanks everyone. I have some things to think of. I do feel pathetic. I want to be back to the old me!

 

My boyfriend did lie to me in the past...there has been trust issues.

 

But the more I read all this, helps me to stop thinking about this other guy.

I wish I could go back and erase everything....

[lavenderdove]

You want to make the married guy happy? This is a reality check... if he's a guy who separates love and sex, then a hooker would also make him happy. It's no big skill or achievement to make a horny bored marry guy happy, so 'making him happy' is an incredibly silly/twisted reason for doing this. If one woman makes him happy, then why not a threesome? You're throwing your pearls before swine here.

 

Women who date married men don't realize they're serving the same function as a hooker, except even worse, they don't even get paid for it. These guys are offering you NOTHING. He can't offer you any real future, won't build a family or home with you, doesn't want to be responsible for you or to you, etc. He's just looking for free no strings sex which he sees as less expensive and less risky with you than with a hooker because he can't get arrested having consensual sex in an affair, whereas he can seeing a hooker. He also sees you as potentially 'cleaner' with less risk for STDs, in essence a less risky sexual receptacle for his penis with less chance of taking an STD home to his wife.

 

So there is nothing 'special' at all about making a married guy 'happy'. Remind yourself that he's seeing you as a free hooker, nothing more.

 

I think you really should get counseling to address why you (a) feel obligated to make a married man 'happy' by having sex with him, and (b) why you are staying in a relationship that isn't working with your boyfriend, a man you don't trust. This isn't about love at all, it has to do with deeper issues that don't really have much to do with sex either, just trying to escape, run away from problems, get in a twisted destructive relationship with a married guy for other psychological reasons you're not understanding. A counselor could help with that, and you should see one to get unconfused really fast, before you get in too deep.

[Pharm11]

Yea you are right!! no strings, a free hooker! How stupid am I, I cant believe I fell for that.

I am feeling more empowered today. I have been reading, praying and trying to get me

back to the old me.

 

Yea I do have issues I agree. I dont think I can afford a counselor right now, thats

why I talk to my close friends or come on this forum.

Just letting it out, talking about it helps me so much...When I keep it in

I just feel hopeless like I am not worth it....

[2kids]

LOL lavenderdove...I used to ask the spousal unit how his gf was...now I am going to ask him how his hooker is doing!!! Classic!