What do you expect from your bf in this situation?

[miie]

im curious to know if i am expecting too much in this situation from my bf. Quite often if i text him during the evening (before 9pm), i never get a reply. the next day he usually tells me that his phone was on silent. He has spent the entire evening at home, watching tv tho.

 

I know its easy to forget your phone is on silent etc, but would you check your phone at least once? Wouldn't you wonder if your bf or gf had contacted you - espically on a friday night? wouldn't you think of contacting them considering you haven't seen them for a week?

 

i sent him 2 texts, a few hours a part - both questions and one included about his day and something we could do tomorrow but no reply.i dont send loads and bug him. it might be a couple a day and other days none.

 

It doesn't bother me if if he forgets every now and then but it seems to be a LOT that he just doesn't reply.

 

However, he sent me a mesage and because i had no credit i couldnt reply and a few hours later he accused me of not talking/ignoring him. He isn't on a pre-paid phone either so he doesn't run out of credit.

 

 

what do you do in this situation? what do you expect from your bf/gf?

[ToF]

My boyfriend doesn't respond to about half (maybe a little more) of the texts I send him. He's very straight-forward about the reasons each time I ask. Sometimes he's in class/lab/a meeting, sometimes his phone was on silent, and sometimes he just honestly didn't feel like talking at that moment. That last one is a little hard to swallow, but I actually have started caring less and less about text messaging as a result of it. He always gets back to me eventually, and if it's something important he'll respond or call.

 

Now, your boyfriend seems pretty consistent with this. In your shoes, and especially since you see your boyfriend a lot less often than I do mine, I would talk to him about this. It's obviously bothering you, so you deserve to get it off your chest. Tell him what YOUR expectations are, and give him a chance to fulfill those. Hopefully you will learn to put less stock in texting, as it is often SO unreliable. Maybe ask him to be more aware of you, and give you a call in the evening?

 

Just try not to be too rigid, or make it seem like you're setting "rules" for him. No one likes that.

 

I'm curious, since he's so regularly out of reach, are you concerned that there's a reason behind it?

[Jd1983]

Honestly, I would be upset as well.

 

I send texts to my bf several times a day. Sometimes he doesn't get back to me right away, but he always makes sure to when he gets a chance.

 

One of my friend is the same way. She'll send several messages to her bf throughout the day, and he'll respond when he feels like it. Other times he wouldn't even pick up his phone (i.e. his battery died, he was sleeping, busy etc). There always seem to be an excuse. Personally, I would never be able to tolerate that, but that's just me.

 

If it bothers you, then I think you should let him know about it. I don't think it's asking for too much to expect your bf to respond when you message him. After all, isn't that what cell phones are used to nowadays? Especially if you can't see him that often.

[WockaWocka]

I know its easy to forget your phone is on silent etc, but would you check your phone at least once? Wouldn't you wonder if your bf or gf had contacted you - espically on a friday night? wouldn't you think of contacting them considering you haven't seen them for a week?

 

i sent him 2 texts, a few hours a part - both questions and one included about his day and something we could do tomorrow but no reply.i dont send loads and bug him. it might be a couple a day and other days none.

 

It doesn't bother me if if he forgets every now and then but it seems to be a LOT that he just doesn't reply.

 

Most human beings who own cell phones will check them somewhat regularly for messages. His behavior and lack of contact seems like a larger signal that he's more or less 'checked out' of the relationship to me. You can try talking it over but will probably get the same excuses again. If you can't reach some sort of compromise, e.g that he will check his cell phone before bed and look for your messages, then I'd say his actions suggest lack of interest in maintaining the relationship or an unwillingness to be the kind of bf you want/deserve.

 

good luck.

[tattoobunnie]

My exs always complained that I didn't reply fast enough, or send enough, call enough, etc...I'm just not big into texting, or calling too often. My days are tough, and I zone out with the TV. And I'm a girl! I think you should just ask him, "what's up with that?! I miss you."

 

If you don't define your expectations, a person won't really know.

 

Now if you've been dating a long time, and he has only recently behaved like this, and work isn't stressful, or life isn't super busy, then yeah, I agree with the other poster, that he's checking out. But if he's always like this, just tell him what you want, so you can both learn.

[miie]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I think i need to start caring less - but it is hard as it is our main form of communication - except facebook! Its terrible really. Some messages i send don't require a reply and thats fine - but there are some and its obvious - like asking if he wants todo something the next day - no reply.

 

Most are sent during the evening when he is home. He says he is busy, fell asleep, he left his phone in his bag, pocket, its on silent etc. Always an excuse.

 

.I send you 'miss you' texts. Sometimes i get a reply. Sometimes i don't. If i ask him a question straight out ' did you want to go to ……. tomorrow?" - a reply is needed. I never get one. I know you can't always reply at the time, but its not hard to reply to it later on. He never ever does. And on the rare occasion he messages the following day to say his phone was on silent - that's all he says - doesn't actually respond to the texts i sent!

[miie]

Most human beings who own cell phones will check them somewhat regularly for messages. His behavior and lack of contact seems like a larger signal that he's more or less 'checked out' of the relationship to me..

 

Ive wondered that actually. He tells me sometimes i dont make any effort and it works both ways.... but he never replies to my texts, never answers the question about doing something - and then tells me i dont ask him to do anything! Some how it ends up as my fault tho.

 

If you love someone dont you check to see ..''ooh i wonder if i've got any messages from .....". I check my phone a lot to see if there are any from him. But it appears he doesn't do the same.

 

My exs always complained that I didn't reply fast enough, or send enough, call enough, etc...I'm just not big into texting, or calling too often. My days are tough, and I zone out with the TV. And I'm a girl! Now if you've been dating a long time, and he has only recently behaved like this, and work isn't stressful, or life isn't super busy, then yeah, I agree with the other poster, that he's checking out. But if he's always like this, just tell him what you want, so you can both learn.

 

Thanks. He is busy and work is stressfull - but so am i. He used to be quite good at replying etc - but last few months terrible. I will send you a i love you text or something and get nothing back. He isn't too much into calling - which is why we text.

 

I actually dont think he likes texting that much - but in saying that - it is our only form of communication. Take that away and there'll be nothing. He wont speak on the phone.

[HeartGoesOn]

How long have you been dating him?

[miie]

about 18 months

[WockaWocka]

So on these occasions where you ask him about meeting up the next day and he doesn't respond, does it usually happen that you two can't or don't go through with the plans? I mean does it seem like his way of getting out of events? It would be one thing if he said he never checked his phone at night and was completely responsive the next day, but the fact that he doesn't respond at night and then just makes excuses without actually responding to your original Q is really dubious. By not giving you a 'yes' or a 'no' he's leaving you in limbo and unable to make plans with someone else. If it happens once in a while, fine. But over and over again?

 

Sounds to me like at the very least he's taking you for granted, and at the very worst there may even be someone else in the picture. I mean he's not available to talk at night, can't commit to plans, won't even text at night, etc. I've learned the hard way these can be signs that he has another primary relationship.

 

But again, maybe my suspicions about other women are irrelevant here -- bottom line is he's making more excuses than plans and not treating you very respectfully, so I think you should question whether you want to stay in a relationship on these terms.

[miie]

Yeah, the plans never come through. I don't always say what it is - i ask him if he is free or what he is doing, and other times i will say what is it. Either way, there is no response. And when i finally do, its too late.

 

He messages me what im doing, i reply with in 5/10 mins and then he wont reply for another 2-3 hours. Why message me!

 

I get the impression he doesn't want to do stuff with me on the weekend, except at night and then we don't go out. But during the day he'll go out, for drives, coffee all sorts but i am never invited. SHouldn't that be something you want to do with your gf occasionally?

 

I cant be 100% sure but i think he mentioned an ex left him because he took her for granted and they never went out. He admitted to that.

 

I don't think he's cheating. His living situation with family/parents would prove to be quite hard. i know his mom.

 

I told him i don't feel like a priority in any way to him. he told me to deal with it,

[SpottiOtti]

Ugh. Then he can deal with you leaving him. I mean, not like you're losing much anyway, from what it sounds like.

 

Seriously though, when do you two spend time together?

[miie]

Ugh. Then he can deal with you leaving him. I mean, not like you're losing much anyway, from what it sounds like.

 

Seriously though, when do you two spend time together?

 

Despite all this, i do love him and for some reason would feel a bit lost with out him in my life. I dont know that many people here. Im very shy and quite so find it hard to make friends too. I do find it odd that i feel that way. I think i put too much of my life in him and he doesn't do the same. Its stupid because i barely see him.

 

i usually just see him saturdays from after 7pm. Usually dont spend sundays together either even if i stay the night.

[WockaWocka]

I told him i don't feel like a priority in any way to him. he told me to deal with it,

 

Well, that says it all!! You can either accept it or move on, and I think you know what would be best.