3 months NC..thinking

[turtle55]

i guess i am not really asking for advice but...i dunno..just wanted to talk...so it's been over 3 months since the text message that ended it all..haha...a text message...but i've been thinking of this young man recently even looked at pictures...i still want him and i know that it's never going to happen and that he is probably one of the last people i need to be with but...well... word i'm human ya know??... i want him b/c he rejected me and i was in love with him...how many of you out there don't know what i'm talking about??... there are always those people that can shake you to the very core of your being...you feel high when you are with them or talk to them...and you are soo happy and you tell all of your friends...almost everyone you know, right??...then when it's over...how do you feel??...hurt, devastated, humiliated??...but what do you feel even more?? hopeful...you hope they will call you...even if it is in the middle of the night...even if they are 3 sheets to the wind...you hold out that hope that they will call and say that they were soo wrong and you are the best thing that ever happened to them and they want you to come back...i have been in this situation...and i, like many of you, realize that those phone calls don't mean anything really to the person who is calling you ... but what did that phone call do??..what did that person do to you again?? shook you... we are all (except for the "healed people") going through a very difficult time here... and i think...well...we all in our own little ways...want someone to tell us that what we are feeling is normal ..which it totally is...and to an extent we want someone to tell us that our desire to call or write to our ex's is ok and we should do that...i don't think that we will get that advice (which is the BEST thing ever...believe me)...we want to be with our ex's and we don't...but we need to realize...as the dumpee's...it isn't up to us..is it??...we have to wait for the "go ahead" from the dumpers...crazy place to be isn't it...and seriously...there is no quick fix...no way to get over someone quickly...here's what i propose to those of you who have recently (and i'm talking within the past few weeks) broken up with someone...dwell on it a little...you need to go through all of the sadness and anger so you can move on...the only thing that can help is time...and a little reflection...but people who are farther along in this "moving on" process...feel free...advise me

[Celadon]

Hey Turtle. Sorry you're feeling like you do. I've been there. I totally understand. You're not alone in this feeling of being on the 'waiting' and 'hoping' end of things. It's hard, it's distracting, sometimes it's overwhelming.

 

I haven't had a break up recently, but went through a couple of big ones in the past. I thought one of the best pieces of advice I got was to try to limit the amount of time you spend thinking about it. I'm usually one to explore the whole situation (I say explore, some would say indulge). I believe it's important to understand how you're feeling and why and what you think about it.

 

But that can only go on so long, because your life gets pretty disrupted if you keep doing that. So - try to give your grief some space, but then be really disciplined with yourself and tell yourself, okay, I've thought about it today, now I'll move onto my other stuff.

 

There is some willpower required for healing (some would say lots of willpower). Keep posting here or write in a journal or distract yourself by hanging out with friends more. Good luck and take care. It'll get easier; I promise.

[Brandell]

Good post and you are telling my story there aswell. I too seem helpless to give up that nagging hope that the ex. will call even though Iin my heart I know it is over. I posted a topic below about seeing her at a set of stoplights the other day and both of us sat in silence for 3 minutes one behind the other. Of course I was waiting for her to give me a sign, any sign, a wave, a smile. But no, nothing but a stony face with no sign of the person I knew.

 

And yet STILL when I turned on my cell phone this morning I secretely hoped that there would be a message, that she saw me and it brought back all the old feelings, but no of course.

 

I have been working on myself and I have days that are good but the flashes of our time together are always going through my mind even when I try and push them down.

 

I think the only answer is time.