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sherryberrypie

By sherryberrypie
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sherryberrypie Community Regular

sherryberrypie

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Another day up before the sun. Looking forward to tonight, but I'm kind of worried that Alex will be a stick in the mud. This is a different group of friends, from my gym. Their last BBQ, he was super grumpy and tired and didn't want to be there. I kept telling him it was okay to just go and I would find a way home (had been drinking) but he insisted on staying. The end of that night was a disaster, needless to say.

 

He said yesterday that he felt like these people wouldn't give him the time of day, and that he doesn't know them, but this is how you get to know people. He's always so reluctant to stray from his original group of friends-- doesn't know what he's missing out on. He's friends with my school friends now,but it took some coaxing.

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Firiel Community Regular

Firiel

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B is ridiculously social, and it's a godsend for me (because I'm pretty awkward and shy). The other day, I had a BBQ to go to for school where I'd be meeting a bunch of new people. He got there about 15 minutes before I did, and I went in and he introduced me to everyone. He was making friends faster than I was!

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sherryberrypie Community Regular

sherryberrypie

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I just had a scary thought: I don't know if he loves me anymore. He says it, but he doesn't show it. I skipped the BBQ tonight because he didn't want to go, and I was feeling so tired and not in the mood to be the only singleton in a sea of couples. I was disappointed that he refuses to try with this group of my friends, but I sucked it up and decided that I'd spend the night with him instead. I suggested dinner and a movie. On the way to dinner he says that he ate a big lunch a couple of hours earlier, so he wasn't hungry. He ate practically nothing, didn't really talk to me or initiate conversation, stared out the window, and looked like he'd rather be anywhere but there with me.

 

We were going to go to the beach after dinner (also my suggestion) but after the lame dinner I was officially fed up and upset, and said I just wanted to go home. He holed himself up in the bathtub and I am in our room, feeling incredibly lonely. It just kind of hit me that he doesn't try anymore. Everything seems to be his way or the highway. I'm the one who does all of the little things and the one who comes up with things to do. I'm getting really sick of it. I feel as important as a pile of dirt. If this is my future...I don't want it.

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sherryberrypie Community Regular

sherryberrypie

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After I vented on here last night I decided that I was not going to sit at home feeling let down, so I went to the BBQ and spent the night with some buddies. I'm glad I went. However, I understand what he said about feeling like he was talking "at" people last time, and not with them because for awhile last night I felt like that too. I think some of these people are shy around new people, so they can come accross as snobby. It's awkward, but you've just got to break the ice. If they choose to be anti-social, that's their issue.

 

I think Alex really just needed some alone time to decompress. He used to be the most joyful person I knew, but I guess as he's getting older and is shouldering some big responsibilities, he has his moments too. I do worry about the possibility of depression setting in. He beat it as a child, but his dad has it bad and I know these things can be hereditary. I do need him to put more effort in regardless, and I am going to tell him as much today. He's never been a hugely spontaneous person, but in our early days he was. I still remember hearing about how he stopped the car on the highway to jump out and pick some lavender, just because I had mentioned that I loved the wild lavender. Or, how he used to love to plan fun things for us to do together. He does plan the bigger things, like trips and well-- purchasing a house for instance-- but he doesn't think about how important the small things are, or he forgets now.

 

Last night my friend/trainer asked me why Alex didn't come and I explained that he was grumpy, etc...It was nice to have someone ask me what's going on with me for a change. I'm always the one giving and listening and empathizing, that I think that people forget that sometimes I need a shoulder too...and I need something beyond superficial conversation. I'm grateful for my new cubicle-mates, because they actually ask how I am, how my weekend was, etc... It's nice. I seem to have made friends with a lot of selfish people this summer and I am slowly cutting off those "friendships"

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OptomisticGirl Mentor

OptomisticGirl

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I would def talk to him Sherry. I know there are times I get into a funk with work and wedding planning and life in general and it's easy to forget to do the little things for your SO, and sometimes it takes L going 'you haven't done x in a while' for me to realize I really haven't done it in a while and I always try to make an effort after that to do it. And L is the same way. He's been super tied up with training for the past 18 weeks so our talk time and just our general 'being with each other' time has greatly reduced. I have felt more lonely since he's been going to bed early because of the time he has to get up and and all the hours he's putting in, but I know there is an end soon.

 

I'm sure Alex doesn't even realize what's going on and just needs it pointed out to him.

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sherryberrypie Community Regular

sherryberrypie

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I've been going to bed early a lot too, and it definitely affects you when you don't share the same schedule.

 

So this morning I got up, had breakfast, and went back to bed. We discussed our lack of birthday plans. He asked why I had been glum, and I told him everything that I told you guys-- that I felt lonely and worried about him. I explained how I've been feeling and how he hasn't been the same person for awhile and it led into a long talk about everything under the sun. He admitted that he has been stressed, that he has a hard time leaving work at work because he is always on call and he doesn't really have "off time". We stayed in bed half the day, just talking and making love and talking some more.

 

We talked about our families, our wedding, our friends. my future in a career, school, his career, just everything. I've been frequenting this site called weddingbee, and I told him that I have seen some really miserable women with boyfriends who bought the ring and then held it hostage for a year or more, and that I just couldn't deal with that. I asked him if he was ready and he said that he was, and he would never do that to me, and that the guys who do that have been pressured into marriage and are not ready.

 

He said that he has some things he's working towards right now-- #1 being us getting married. He said he wants that more than anything, and that he is really just waiting for the right time to make it official. He told me that for a few months now he has had this fear that we can't have kids together. I had NO idea. Yeah we're both disappointed with a negative pregnancy test when we have a scare, but he has actually been worried that we've been sexing it up for 5 years with no accidents. I asked him if he wanted to try for a baby at this point and he said no, not till after we're married. At the same time though, I was like "we're going to need a bigger house!" and he said that if we had a child, the nursery could easily be upstairs. I really think his biological clock has started ticking. It made me feel good, even though we both know that having a child now would be selfish. We said that if we can't have kids, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

 

Anyways, we talked about getting married next October and all that would entail... if we could do it, etc... I told him some stories about co-workers and how they've rushed into engagement and marriage and don't seem happy (one for a fact I know is miserable) and they're stuck in a job they hate, and he told me that's exactly what he's trying to avoid. He doesn't want us to get married and have babies and have me stuck in a "job". He wants me to be in a career I love, and he wants me to be done school before we marry, because he doesn't want me to be "trapped". ALSO, we talked about my constant struggle with weight. NOW, I'm not huge, but I am 150 lbs and 5'0, and he said that he will get a gym membership and go with me to the gym and help me lose that weight. At the same time, he is going to get healthier. I think he's bothered that his pants are all fitting small. He's not fat, but he's got a bit of a chubby belly. I cannot wait to go to the gym with him and teach him what I've learned. I think it's going to make it 10x easier.

 

Because we stayed in bed so long, we decided not to go caving today. Instead, we had a picnic at the beach, went to the mall and visited a friend, and went and saw Cpt America. We were going to go to the fair, but it shut down at 5 pm tonight. It was a great day. I think that talk caught us up on months of "what is he/she thinking about right now...?" I was going to go shopping for his birthday present tomorrow (a desk) and I saw the same one at our walmart when we were out... so I played it casual and asked what he thought. Well, he didn't like it and said that he is going to get a really nice desk one day that will last. So then I decided that I'd get him a PSP because he's wanted one for so long. Well, we got into talking about finances, and he said, please don't get me a birthday gift. Student loan payments are killing us, and we'll suffer if you spend that money.

 

Then I said, well, I want to get you a gift. I love doing that. He then told me that we already have our birthday gifts. I said, well what is it? Last year we said the house was our gift.. he said, the engagement ring is our gift. He said, it's OUR gift. It's for both of us.

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OptomisticGirl Mentor

OptomisticGirl

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lol, I actually didn't even notice my own loneliness until I read your journal entry that night! It just smacks you. I think you guys will love being gym buddies! I wish L was here to go to the gym with me. I go with my co workers sometimes - and it helps having someone there - but I would much rather have L there with me. A Gym memership is def something I want us to have when I move to the UK.

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OptomisticGirl Mentor

OptomisticGirl

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It did. I didn't even realise I was lonely until that post. I know why I feel lonely but L is starting his new work area this week so I didn't want to lay that on him. It's something that can wait to be discussed until he's settled into the new job, until then I'll be okay. But your post did make me decide to not pull any over time this coming weekend and take the full three days off so we can have some time together.

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sherryberrypie Community Regular

sherryberrypie

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Canada's NDP leader Jack Layton passed away today. RIP. He was a special man and a brilliant politician. I hope his wife will be alright without him

 

Today I went and got my hair done, cut, dyed, and highlighted. My hairdresser friend has been laid off and for her last day, she's giving everyone big discounts. I got 50% off the colour, 30% off the cut, and 25% off a product. Then I went to Can Tire and got parts for my car. One of the employees there told me about this store called the ReStore (proceeds go to Habitat for Humanity) Everything has been donated and is either new or used. I had been mooning over kitchen faucets at Can Tire, but the kind I want go for over $200 (long neck, one knob, and a sprayer that pulls out of the main faucet.) Well I found a white Moen one at the ReStore for $16! I have no idea how to install it though... that's going to be a "honey do, and I'll watch and learn" chore.

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