Ex called again after a month of NC.....Non chalance works!!

[sadchick83]

Well I guess this is a good sign. If you see my other post, I only called him once in the break up month. We were in a relationship for 14 months...broken up for one month. We met for a drink on Monday night--he called me and suggested we meet He appeared exhausted 'cause he worked for 12 hours that day-the holiday Monday. We simply met for one hour, one drink. We did not mention the relationship. While I had been crying that morning, I managed to put on the best non chalance performance of my life!

 

I mentioned I was buying a house. As it turns out, I did not end up getting the house. Anyway, he just called me again! He said he was driving past my work, and decided to call. He apologized for being so tired on Monday evening. We ended up chatting for about 40 minutes about work, and other common topics. At the end of the conversation he (maybe accidently) called me "hon" (short for honey) and said he would call me next week to come to pick up his stuff.

 

I was very enthusiastic/upbeat about everything I was chatting about. He is not the type of guy to be out on the town...he is working 7 days a week to finish this job. It's not like he was boosting his confidence before going clubbing, so I felt free to go into the details of my week.

 

Am I making a mistake by taking the calls? Are we in friend zone? Is he just checking in??? Can someone read this for me? I will cut back picking up the phone, but it just felt so good to tell him about my day....we were never a couple to talk on the phone. Actually, that's what he always said he liked about me compared to other girls....I only made necessary calls.

 

Any feedback would be great!

[ForumGuy]

You're doing great about being indifferent about things in your conversations. I wouldn't read too much into it yet. I have heard many people say not to pick up every call in your situation of being broke up. Maybe every other call or at least mae some of them short, with you ending the convo. Hopefully you end up getting what you want!

[sadchick83]

Good advice Forum Guy...I have to turn my phone off...its the only way I won't answer. Since we have never played any games...no flirting in front the opposite sex, always returning calls ASAP during our relationship...in general mutual respect for 95% of the relationship, I am pretty sure full on No Contact would do him in. I am older, make much more money, and went to university, so he might be intimidated with NC at this point, who knows?

 

I think non chalance is a bit of a better choice here....

 

Its funny, if I found out he had been with someone else, I would have nothing to do with him ever again. That's my deal breaker

 

I thank you for your advice.

[shandi]

I think you're brilliant. You're remaining cheerful and upbeat. I think when they come back, we should try our best to act the way we did when they first met us. We weren't obsessed with where the relationship was going, we weren't begging and pleading for them to call us, we weren't trying to "talk about our issues", etc. We were just fun and carefree. We still had lives separate from them that didn't involve them. There was still an aire of mystery and suspense.

 

It's easier to move on when they have cheated. It hurts a lot more initially because betrayal cuts deep. But betrayal is the best reason to end it completely. No decisions to make. The only choice was to stop loving them. I haven't made that choice yet because I still think he might come back.

[sadchick83]

You have to be sure your guy cheated...maybe he did not. are you absolutely sure?

[Ms Darcy]

Good advice Forum Guy...I have to turn my phone off...its the only way I won't answer. Since we have never played any games...no flirting in front the opposite sex, always returning calls ASAP during our relationship...in general mutual respect for 95% of the relationship, I am pretty sure full on No Contact would do him in. I am older, make much more money, and went to university, so he might be intimidated with NC at this point, who knows?

 

I think non chalance is a bit of a better choice here....

 

Its funny, if I found out he had been with someone else, I would have nothing to do with him ever again. That's my deal breaker

 

I thank you for your advice.

 

 

You are doing great and healing well, but nonchalance won't heal the issues in your relationship. Did he have problems with how much money you make?

[sadchick83]

I asked him one month into our relationship if he would have trouble with a woman than make well over 6 figures, and he said no problem. I like him for his personality, our common sports interest: golf, tennis, healthy eating. He did try to pay his share, and made up for it with the closet he made...he just said he wanted me to be happy.

[Ms Darcy]

I asked him one month into our relationship if he would have trouble with a woman than make well over 6 figures, and he said no problem. I like him for his personality, our common sports interest: golf, tennis, healthy eating. He did try to pay his share, and made up for it with the closet he made...he just said he wanted me to be happy.

 

So why did you think he might be intimidated.

 

I'm always a believer that the quality of your relationship is one of the best indicators of whether or not you'll get back together.

[sadchick83]

Yes Ms Darcy,

I agree...the relationship was great for the first 13 of 14 months...We just both got explosive towards the end. Unfortunately, men place a lot of importance on their success. Personally, I could not care less if the person makes money or not. I just want them to make me happy. But, men cannot make other happy unless they are happy with themselves.

 

Well more good news...he just dropped in "to pay a bill" at the bank I work at, so I guess he is really coming around.

[Polarbear00]

I'm always a believer that the quality of your relationship is one of the best indicators of whether or not you'll get back together.

 

Sorry to hijack Sadchick, i read some of your other posts after you commented on mine and im really happy to hear you guys may be on that rd to happiness again!!

But Ms Darcy, I really like this quote and if you dont mind I want to put it in my signature? Ive been kinda trying to come up/say the same thing when talking about my recent breakup w/friends but never able to word it like I wanted... Our relationship was great, never a rised voice or unhappiness with each other, not even upon her breakup with me and i feel that may be one of the reasons for my gut feel and hopefullness for us in the future ... Gosh, that quote really makes me feel good!!

[sadchick83]

Hey Polarbear,

Nice to hear from you! Don't worry about the hijack...I dont mind at all.

And I also agree with you.

 

Ms Darcy, What you said in my post has had me thinking. Our relatinship was of high quality. Putting this opinion into words like this has made me relax and allowed me to let nature take its course.

Thank you