what do you think about this email...

[phasegirl]

Several weeks ago, I posted about a long distance friend whom I feel ignored by. We used to be very close, but recently, she has been ignorning my emails and hasn't really been as available as before. In fact, yesterday evening, I sent her a message and she didn't answer. So this morning, I emailed her again and joked, "Oh I woke up to no answer "

 

She replied to that email with a , "LOL"

 

Long story short, for the past several years, we've had a habit of exchanging gifts twice a year. Well, I no longer feel like spending money (postage is very expensive to her country), because I feel like i"m being avoided, and when she does respond, it's usually with comments like the above.

 

So today, I finally opened up to her and sent her this email (she hasn't responded yet):

 

I'm sorry but I have to ask if you are avoiding me. I feel that you kind of ignore my emails. Do you remember how back in the day, (sigh) you used to respond nicely, I guess within the hour? Now you avoid them! lol And I have no idea why

 

Anyway, it's ok if you change and your'e no longer as interested as you were before - but really and quite honestly, I feel uncomfortable spending money on people when they lack interest. Sort of like a fool. I hate to be so blunt, but it's true.

 

Sigh.. even the facebook joke wasn't respnded to.

 

Anyways, just wanted to get that off my chest.

 

So what do you guys think? Does it sound spiteful? If you received an email like this, would it be difficult to respond to it? Does it seem whingy?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think I would not have added the part about the money because that is a bit antagonistic. Anyway, just see what happens now.

[Unreasonable]

Well, it's kind of too late because you already sent it, but I would have left the money part out and just stopped sending her gifts.

 

My prediction is you either are going to get a non-response again, or something quite nasty.

[phasegirl]

Well, she responded to the email.

 

She said that she's not avoiding me, just that she doesn't have anything to tell me at the moment since her life is dull and her job is a pain.

 

So I replied to that and told her that I just feel uncomfortable with having to always initiate everything between us.

 

She answered with a, "I'm not ignoring you honestly"

 

I didn't reply to that.

 

Anyway, this person and I used to chat a lot - she really did look for me and I looked for her, but now it seems as if I have to do all the contacting which makes me feel uncomfortable. Things have been this way for a while now. It was only today that I had the courage to say something about it.

 

What do you think??

[Celadon]

I think it's great that you said what needed to be said. Too many people just stuff it and let friendships die and hold grudges.

 

You know, you can only do as much as you're willing to do. If you're at the point where you're tired of initiating, you can ask her to initiate or you can consider her a less-important friend.

 

I remember a long time ago when a friend stopped contacting me. She started dating a guy and it was on-and-off so she didn't want to talk about it. It hurt, but after a time I just accepted that that's how life is. Friends come and go. You can hopefully enjoy them for a season, but then it's time to make new friends. Especially long distance friendships -- that's hard.

 

If you can, be understanding. Accept that your friendship has changed. Grieve it, if you have to. Don't think of it as rejection ... really, it's just timing. She's living a different life than she did before. She says her work is boring. Maybe there's things she isn't telling you about, but you can't pry. You can only be open and honest about your own life.

 

Seriously, I would go make some new friends. You'll be happier in the long run.