Contact from the ex

[Nappeal]

So I got off the phone to him about an hour ago, and I only answered because I put his # under some random name...I didn't think about it until AFTER I answered. Its Saturday, so go figure, he was drunk. The highlights of the call was that he missed me, wants to see me this week and then he ended the call w 'I love you'. Said he looked @ his phone and felt like he had to call. Since he was drunk, I entertained the call, BUT, I did not give in to the I love yous or I miss you...good Lord I can't count how many times he called me babe or baby. I was genuinely too busy to stay on the phone, so the call couldn't have lasted more then 15 min. After I didn't reply to the I love you @ the end of the call, I got a text not too long after saying 'I love you baby'.

 

God...I have waited for this. At least something that said he was thinking about me. Too bad to know that he just took him some liquor, and w that I highly doubt he actually misses me. I won't give in to this call, not at all. I won't hear from him again. I'm sure I'll be bummed tomorrow but, IDK...it was nice to hear from him, there's just no way I would ever get my hopes up. Back to business as usual tomorrow. Oh, and he admitted to 'stalking' my FB & Myspace (2 profiles I don't EVER sign into). I just had to share. Contact w the ex I've found is NEVER what you want it to be.

[vertigoxo]

I hear that alcohol makes people speak their minds rather than keeping them a secret like they do when sober, but then again... Maybe he did felt overemotional for some other reason and had to tell you that.

 

But, who knows. Maybe this is a good sign.

[WockaWocka]

I hear that alcohol makes people speak their minds rather than keeping them a secret like they do when sober, but then again... Maybe he did felt overemotional for some other reason and had to tell you that.

 

But, who knows. Maybe this is a good sign.

 

I agree, the alcohol lowered his inhibitions, made him think about you more, made him hornier than heck, and he is going to be mighty embarrassed when he wakes up tomorrow! In fact don't be surprised if he contacts you telling you he didn't mean what he said. But what's said is said and you can be proud for not initiating and for not responding with much enthusiasm.

 

While it's clear he is thinking about you this definitely doesn't mean that he is going to act on it, in fact he will probably go NC for a long time afterward. (or at least brace yourself for this possibility). But you can rest a little happy knowing he still thinks about you a lot. ;-)

[Nappeal]

Well, he's a sloppy drunk, and by the time the call happened he was still quite coherent, so his sincerety I can count on. I'm sure he meant it all, but liquor makes anyone emotional, so the degree to how much he felt was prob just exagerrated by his beer. I am not going to expect anymore contact either positive or negative, which I think is for the best. I did wake up feel like it was more signifigant then it prob was Back to NC for me.

[ForumGuy]

Something similar happened to me last week. My ex (dumper) called and said it was an "accident", and she too, had been drinking. I figure if it really was an accident, she would have just said, "sorry, and that would have been that. She instead started a lengthy conversation about all kinds of things. I took the opportunity, since I have never initiated anything since the BU, to tell her it is "over forever" and to "please delete my number from her speed dial". I feel like this will help to undo her thinking of me as a back-up. She finds some way to contact me every couple of weeks, some I reply to, some I don't. The last time she used the "accident" excuse was with a "connection" request on Yahoo.

[Nappeal]

Yea, he said 'something told him to call me'.

 

I'm now really struggling w calling him to see if what he sent he meant. I knew this was going to happen. I don't mind a text asking, I just don't want a 'yea I meant what I said, but don't read into it; I was drunk don't believe it; or no'. I was content knowing he was thinking about me, but now I feel like I need to know. Unfortunately,the convo in no way hinted towards 'I want to make it work', so IDK what good it would do to ask...gosh, I'm just so compelled to.

[AutumnBorn]

If he didn't say anything solid, like "I want to see you on Wednesday", you need to fight that urge. When there's something specific, that's the only way you'll know. People say a lot of things they don't really mean, and they say it whether they're drunk or not, whether you're asking for clarification or not responding to their bait.

 

Sure he misses you, or someone like you. If he ever says it again, ask what he misses about you. If the answer is "I miss having someone to talk to", "I miss having someone to hang out with", or something not personal to you - like "I miss the way you feel/smell/laugh/watching you get dressed/undressed/how good it felt to just be around you" - then he doesn't miss you, he just misses someone.

 

What's your minimum standard for outreach and potential reconcilliation? Mine is "I'm lost without you" or something along those lines. When my ex told me he missed me, he gave me several reasons. All of which could have been provided by a dog.

[Live-N-Learn]

Sure he misses you, or someone like you. If he ever says it again, ask what he misses about you. If the answer is "I miss having someone to talk to", "I miss having someone to hang out with", or something not personal to you - like "I miss the way you feel/smell/laugh/watching you get dressed/undressed/how good it felt to just be around you" - then he doesn't miss you, he just misses someone.

 

What's your minimum standard for outreach and potential reconcilliation? Mine is "I'm lost without you" or something along those lines. When my ex told me he missed me, he gave me several reasons. All of which could have been provided by a dog.

 

Very well put! I need to raise my standard!!!

[bwhite00]

Alcohol definitely lowers ones inhibitions. I wouldn't put too much faith into his sincerity until he reaches out again - sober.

[Nappeal]

I actually woke up in the middle of the night last night feeling a little panicked about the call. The more I replay the conversation tho, I do believe a lot of what was said was out of loniless in that moment w MAYBE a hint of missing me, and of course alcohol. He did not get specific about 'missing me', but he did ask several times if I would come see him on Tuesday. I'm pregnant, so after I kept telling him 'tell me when you're sober', he would say 'ok then can you bring our son (my pregnancy) over on Tuesday?'. IDK how much to put into that...I won't be mentioning anything to him about the visit, but I do have to make contact w him on that day about a Drs appointment. Maybe he'll say something then, chances are he won't. Even if he were to ask again (which I HIGHLY doubt), I really don't see any good for ME in showing up. I did not however ask about his sincerity in the call, which I'm really glad I didn't...it would've been pointless.

[Nappeal]

He has a tendency to say what's on his mind when's he's been drinking...to anyone. Things he wouldn't say for whatever reason. I'm sure he did miss me in particular, but who knows. Its sorta a crummy feeling to think it was out of loneliness that he called.