HELP!!!

[saltwatergirl]

SO today is day 14 since I heard from boyfriend (of 3 years), right.....well, about 1am my phone starts to ring. I answer, he hangs up (was calling from payphone--on caller ID). few minutes later, my cell rings, again same payphone, 10 minutes later, calls from his apt. I answer, he hangs up again (3rd time in a row).......this goes on until 2am....(answer/hangup). 6:00 am, it starts again, this time I decide to let it ring (caller id, it is him). goes on until NOON do you hear me NOON. Leaves 2 voice messages, but instead of TALKING, all I hear is him SOBBING........whatever. Anyway, FINALLY at 4pm I answer and this time he says "hello". I say hi, and he proceeds to tell me that he has been crying all day (imagine that, i cried for 2 weeks but anyway) and I ask what happened. He says his doctor told him he has MS (multiple sclerosis) and that he didnt want to BURDEN ME WITH CARING FOR HIM IN HIS SICK DAYS YEARS FROM NOW (my gawd how lame) and that he had so much to deal with that he just decided he couldnt talk to me, so he DROVE TO AUSTIN to stay with his friend who recently moved there (a guy) and just got home this weekend. He says he saw all my messages but didnt have the nerve to call me or the guts to speak to me after what he did (same reason he said he hung up when i answered all night)...That he is lost without me, he would do everything differently if given the chance now, that he lost the only girl he ever loved......(APPARENTLY none of this crossed his mind over the last 2 weeks).

 

Ok keep in mind I've caught him lying numerous times, I've found pics on his computer that he says were sent out BECAUSE HE HAD A COMPUTER VIRUS that sent them (although a "hope you liek them" sentence was enclosed in the email--dont think the pc typed that for him).....based on this .......what is your best opinion????

 

I told him I was sorry, but I could not be with someone who showed such little care for me and would completely abandon me for 2 weeks with no word or anything. He said he understood and that he was so sorry, and that he has been drinking every night because he can't sleep after REALIZING what he has done. That he doesnt know how he will ever live without me and that he is so so very sorry for EVERYTHIGN he did in the past (though up until now he claimed innocence and a victim of coincidences---suddenly now it's 'I'm sorry for the things I've done to you the last year') and that he knows how much I love him, and he has no idea why he did this but please let him have another chance and he will do so many things differently. That he loves me more than anything and always has. He asked if I had gone out with anyone else. I told him no (the truth) but that someone was asking me out (the truth again) but I hadn't. He began to cry uncontrollably. He said he can't eat or sleep realizing he has lost me.....that he has began to drink to fall asleep, etc....Then I said I had to go....he said call anytime you want to I said ok, and hung up. He was hysterical.

 

My gut: Another girl and he realized that he screwed up!!!!!!! What's your opinion? Just someone tell me I am doing the right thing so I dont fall for any more of his LIES!!!!!

[WishMistress]

Hi,

 

All I can say is follow what is in your heart. Think about it though and don't make life defining decisions when you are upset. Only you know what is best for you. I am not even sure what I would do in that case. Here is a HUG and wish that you make the best decision for you.

 

Take care,

 

L.

[Viper02]

ok so there is a girl i really like she knows it i asked her out and she said that she wanted to get to know me better wut dose that mean so i went with it and now she knows everything about me and still won't go out with me i even got her a $600 doller chain for her b-day and still know answer so what should i do?

[Mun]

Hi Saltwatergirl,

Just one quick question, how old is your boyfriend?

[k33]

Do you have a reason to believe there is another girl? I don't know the whole situtuation, but if I found out I had MS I would be really messed up myself. don't know that I would walk out on someone who obviously loved me. I think I'd lean on them but you know you never know.

 

I think you should talk to him when he isn't hysterical. Early enough so he isn't blasted. If your gut tells you it is a girl and he's lying about a potentially fatal disease... well I would run for the hills. I mean that is just a really bad karma lie! But if your gut tells you otherwise, I dunno, I'd at least talk to him. Don't know if I'd take him back, but I'd talk...

[Blue Skittles]

Saltwater girl

 

If this man has been drinking every night just to deal with this stuff, do you really want that? How do you know that it is not the alcohol talking - saying he loves you.

 

My ex was an alcoholic, and it seems the only time he really showed a lot of love or concern for me was when he was drunk.

 

He would also leave and call me when it was a time that was convenient for him or when he wanted something from me.

 

Just be careful what you believe. I think it is best to move on - he needs to deal with his alcoholism himself - and its great that you show him that you are strong and not take him back the minute he calls you. Keep showing him this strength - if you talk to him don't take him back. let him deal with his problems himself.

 

I hope this helps. Based on my experiences with my ex it is not worth dealing with a man that has alcohol problems and you just never know when they are playing games with you or being completely honest.

 

K

[saltwatergirl]

Thanks for the replies. He never drank before this period of time, so I dont believe he is an alcoholic. He isn't a drinker, by personality, choice, and beliefs. Maybe more of a drama king. To answer a ?, he is 25. I am 36. And we have been together 3 years. He doesn't (and has never) gone out to clubs, drank, etc. He is more health conscious and calm than I am. Most of the time I seem like the younger person and he seems old.

 

Update: He has sent me a letter in the mail (I stopped answering calls after the one contact he made). He expresses in it that he realizes he has made the biggest mistake of his life. That the thought of having MS, the fact that I can't have anymore children and he would like to, all just hit him and he had to "get away" and reevaluate his life and what he wants. But that he came to realize (during this 2 week hiatus) that he loves me more than anything and can't imagine giving up me to have children. Doesn't know what to do with his desires to have children. Now is saying, that because of the devastation he caused me by disappearing like that is a horrible thing a person can do, and that he shouldn't reproduce because what he did to me and how he hurt me makes him not worth anything. He seems very sincere in his regrets....but I wonder if it is just the pain of missing me in his life doing the talking, and once I am back, the "i want children" issue will resurface. I dont think he has had enough time to properly consider exactly what he wants and what he is willing to sacrifice. He goes to the Dr. next week for final testing so, MS is not even a for sure diagnosis at this time. He said he felt I would not want him if he had an ailment or deserve that type of life. WHat he doesnt understand, is that I would never have left him for that reason. I would have been there every minute of every day for the rest of my life, because I love him and I cherished him. It wouldn't have stopped anything wtih me. But, to throw me away because I can't have children (and he knew this from the get-go) and he wants them.....doesn't seem to me to be the same level of devotion and love that I have for him. Maybe its easy for me to say that because I already have 2 kids (who by the way he loves and love him very much). He writes in the letter, that he has realized that his sense of "family" and "children" and "home" is with me and my 2 children. That he already had all that he wanted. Though their dad has something he will never have with them, and that hurts him. Who is to say that in a year,this whole thing won't resurface again. And telling me "i'll call you tonite" then vanishing for 2 weeks to sort things out, without even an explanation, destroyed me. I was devastated and he knows this, and says that knowing that he has hurt me this way is the hardest thing he has ever had to feel, and accept responsibility for doing.

 

I dont know, we have had the best relationship, we seemed perfect. Our age issue was something I balked at and fought him for a long time, he finally convinced me that it would not be a problem for us, but as it turns out, it seems that is exactly what is doing us in. My fears early on that he would one day want someone his age---he managed to squash them all and made me feel very safe and not fear that, and it took ALOT of work on his part to get us over that fear....but now that this has come up, the fears are not only back, its happened, and I don't see how it would be possible to remove that again. The safety and security I felt with him is gone. Totally gone. And for that, he is devastated that he has done this to us and that is a major source of his crying and inability to function---According to him. That he feels he has destroyed the very foundation of our relationship. And maybe he has.

 

He is at a point in life that I have already left. It's hard. But it is possible to love someone with all your heart, and still doesnt make them the right one for you. I told him maybe that is the case with him. He loves me,but doesn't mean I am the right one for him. Someone else his age, able to have children,would be much more suitable. When I said that he just cried more, and said he cant believe he has done something that would cause me to have that feeling and thought.. I just don't know.

 

Salt

[Mun]

Hi Saltwatergirl,

I asked how old he was because in your first post everything you said about his behavior seemed so immature. Now I see why. You are right he is at a place in his life that you already went through.

I think that if he is sincere about wanting you in his life he will let go of the idea of having children with you, but it has to be his decision.

I do hope that he is negative of the MS.

 

Also I want to tell you that if you two decide to give it a go. That you allow him to be his age. By that I mean that you realize that he is in his 20's and he is going to behave as such. He can be a great person and you can still be a great couple if you just accept each other. Don't pressure him to behave like an older man because he isn't there yet. He has to do some growing up just like you did at his age.

 

Good luck girl

PS Don't keep trying to convince him he would be better off with a younger girl, that may not be at all what he is attracted to. He wants you

A letter in the mail? How many guys would do that? I'm impressed !

[saltwatergirl]

Well, yesterday he called again. The same "I am so sorry, etc". I talked for a while, then I said to him. Look, I'm tired of having this conversation over the phone. If you have something to say to me, I feel I deserve to have it said to my face. So, I'm hanging up. If you want to talk, your gonna have to do more than call me or write. He asks if he can come over and talk to me, I said yes.

 

So he comes over, and when he gets here I ask if he would like to go and eat dinner right quick (its 8pm) he says yes, so we go out to eat. He was very nice, but I can tell my guard is completely up. He told me on the phone that he had my picture in his visor ....... when we got in his truck, I said "picture in visor, huh?" (it wasn't there)....he had a blank expression then says "i took it down cause the wind was blowing it." Whatever.

 

He notices that I have lost weight (no kidding, I didnt eat for a week).... comments on my hat "when did you start wearing hats" and then comments on some books he saw laying on the coffee table "when did you start doing all the reading". I told him, I have changed alot in the 3 weeks since you abandoned me. I had to really focus on myself, and I feel as if I'm going through a complete metamorphisis or something. I went out in search of hobbies, things to do, discover myself again, etc. since you were my whole world and I had finally accepted that I'd never see you again. So I did make some changes, I'm working out, spending time alone, etc. and I feel pretty good. He doesn't like hearing all this at all and almost seems angry! I asked what was wrong,he says "it seems you have moved on quickly to getting over me". I said well, what was I supposed to do, I cant just lay down and die. He says "i know". Then appears sad.

 

he was very uncomfortable with "all the changes". I asked why, he said, I dont know, you seem different and it worries me." Now, I'm not sure what he means by that. But maybe he doesnt understand how traumatic this whole thing was for me.

 

Before he left, i told him, I'm not making any promises. I still dont know what I want to do with this......I said I'm assuming you don't either. He said, without hesitating, Yes, I do know what I want to do, that's why I'm here. I said well, what about the children issue. What conclusions have you come to regarding that issue or is it still there. He asked me if I would consider adopting down the line. I said I would think about that. So apparently, the "i want children of my own" feelings are still very strong. To be honest, Ive already done that and my kids are now 14 and 10. I dont really want to be starting all over.

 

(sigh)......I dont know, I guess I was just looking for a bigger show of remorse and expression of feelings than what he displayed. All the crying and I'm sorry on the phone calls, he said none of that while he was here. Which was the whole intent on coming over. He should've shown up with flowers, down on his knees begging forgiveness as far as I'm concerned. Most women wouldn't have even allowed him to set foot in their house. Maybe I just expect too much. I dunno, maybe I just wanted him to grovel or something.

 

He said he hadnt come over before then because he didnt know if my parents or best friend would be there, and he figured they'd have a few choice words for him. Of course they would, and he would have deserved it. I saw that as cowardly on his part, to be honest. Afraid to face the results of his behavior. Thats something a child does, not an adult. I believe when you have wronged someone, and you want to make amends, you are willing to face that. As a matter of fact, I feel he should call my parents personally and apologize for the agony he put on me. Is that crazy on my part to have those feelings??????? Am I expecting too much???

 

thoughts?

[Mun]

This is tricky. I know guys his age that are more mature. Sorry. I think he is kind of scared of what he wants. If you don't want to raise anymore children then don't do it to make him happy.

 

You're doing good on your road to " self-discovery" do not change course. He might be a little sad because he thinks he is being left behind. Well in my opionion, he better catch up fast. It's ok for him to act his age but he shouldn't want to bring you down. Can you live with him being this way?

 

I hope this isn't out of place but who paid for diner?

[k33]

First off kudos to you for doing your own thing. It is so hard, I am about 2 1/2 weeks in and I go back and forth between a mess and hanging in there. I've gone to see bands I wanted to see, movies and yes I have read A LOT. It is so hard to pull yourself out of it, and I am proud that you are doing it.

 

I have to admit, I love that that upset him. That had to feel good.

 

On the kids front, I would say why can't he enjoy the kids you have as his own? A friend of mine always wanted kids and she didn't meet the right guy, so went she was in her 40s she did meet the right guy and he has kids, they have blended the family so that the kids think of her as their other mom. Maybe you can point that out to him.

 

He sounds a little immature and like he is going through a lot. I would just wait and see what happens and keep doing your own thing, you will either find that the good outweighs the bad and get back together, or you will end up dumping him, and feel pretty good about it because you are already taking care of yourself.

 

k33

[saltwatergirl]

You guys are great. OK Who paid for dinner.....I'm so proud to say I didn't spend a red cent.

 

OK, here is an email I just recently fired off. Its the last thing I'll say. His response will determine the outcome of this relationship once and for all. It reads:

 

"Hey, it's me. Wanted to tell you a few things. Sorry for the length.

 

First, I had a good time with you. And I'm happy you came. I know I have, and am, going through some changes. They are good ones for me. I feel I am becoming a stronger person, and I am getting in touch with myself. I don't want you to feel threatened or unhappy about it. This is something I started after you left, and I don't want to let it go because I think it's going to be a positive thing. It already has been. I don't want you to see it as me "moving on" because it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with myself. I'm in a positive frame of mind and I want to stay that way.

 

My guard is up around you. Way up. I am sure you felt that.

The time alone has made me realize alot of my own mistakes, as well. And I feel I made many mistakes. It has also given me a chance to open my eyes and see all the things that we both did wrong, and the things that would have to change between us. The feelings of insecurity that developed within me did great damage to my selfesteem and caused me to feel and think and act in ways that I no longer want to experience. I feel as if I loved you and wanted to be with you- at the expense of many other things, mainly my own self worth and my own desires as far as what I deserved and what I needed. Hell I didnt have a "toleration" level with you, I tolerated anything and everything just to keep you. I won't do that again.I'm interested in a healthy relationship, or no relationship. I'm not playing any games.

 

You have told me that you are aware of some mistakes you made in the past. And you have told me that you would do so many things differently. I don't have any idea what that means, but I'm assuming you do since it was your words. I feel the same way. If you want my opinion.....I think I was too needy, and I think you were too 'absent". I think if we both make changes in those areas, it would be a huge step.

 

I'll tell you the truth. I don't want to be neglected, or put on the bottom of the list, or treated badly anymore, not just by you-- but by anyone. I don't want to be cussed at, or yelled at, or made to feel less than important. I dont want us to take each other for granted. I want to be spoiled and completely sure of someone's feelings. And I want to spoil someone in return. Yes, I said that, I want to be spoiled.....I have never asked much out of a man, but that's been one of my mistakes for many years. And I intend to give back the same thing. I want to be madly in love, and feel alive, and excited and happy. I want a relationship that will enhance my life, not bring it down. I want to be romanced and swept off my feet. But I also want to do the same in return. The days of crying, worrying, and stressing are over. Life is too short. I want to make someone very happy, but I want the same things back that I put in. If you are angry or upset, I want you to be able to see how much that bothers me. Hanging up the phone on someone just says "i no longer care how you feel". I dont want to do that anymore, nor do I want it done to me. This is just an example.

 

I'm not a materialistic girl, so I'm not referring to that when I say I wanted to be treated in these ways. But I do want to be cared for, and loved, and respected as a woman, pretty much the same things any other woman wants. I don't expect gifts, but every other girl I know expects a card or flowers from time to time, so that is something I now require, as well. I used to not care about these things, maybe I thought I didn't deserve them, but that has changed. Girlfriends require the spending of time and money and attention, and well, I guess I'm wanting to be shown the same things every other girlfriend would want and every other boyfriend would be required to do. Regarding going out, I realize you are just starting out, but it is no longer acceptable to me to foot the bill for us. If you would like to take me out, you will need to be prepared to spend the money to do so. If you can't, I'm happy to prepare a meal at home and order movies, as long as the cost is split equally and it doesn't become a regular occurrence.

 

Now to something you will like: I dont know what guys want, other than maybe cards, surprises of things they'd like or want, sexy outfits, cooking for them, some of those things I've done all along, some of them I haven't. So I'm sorry for my lack of effort and not really showing you how much you truly mean to me. But, I want to.....and I would love you to maybe point me in the right direction here. Like I said I'd like to spoil you and treat you with respect and kindness, as much as I am asking for I am willing (and wanting) to give. You are an awesome guy, and I was always proud and happy to have you as a boyfriend, so I want to show that to you on a daily basis. I just now require the same in return.

 

I don't know if you're interested in this. But, just thought I'd share with you a little bit about what I think I want out of a relationship. I would love for that to be with you. But, I gave up alot of myself the past year, and I won't do that again. I didn't respect myself, and I allowed myself to be disrespected. And, that is something very important to me, now. I am extremely committed to it. I see that as a positve thing, I hope you do too. I haven't turned into some type of femme-nazi or anything, but I have found value in myself now, and I want to be appreciated and respected for the woman that I am. I deserve that. I certainly don't think that is anything you should be offended by.

 

I don't intend to control you, just like I wouldn't intend to control any other man. I will respect you and I will be understanding of your life and the things you have going on. And I won't crowd your time or smother you. However, to be in a relationship with someone takes work, and I expect you to put as much effort as I will into the relationship. If you aren't wanting this, tell me now. No need for either of us to waste any more time on something that we know we aren't willing or able to give.

 

I have told you about the things that I am wanting, and I would love to hear your feelings and things you are wanting, as well. This isn't a one-way street. I believe I should take just as much responsibility for repairing any hurt and making you feel loved and needed and important, and secure with me. It isn't all on you, and it isn't all about me. I would put 100% effort into mending the pain and making you forget all about any doubts or problems or pain you've experienced because of me. But, you'll have to do the same for me.

 

I know how a man is to be treated, and I would work very hard to make sure you are treated right. But it would be nice to hear from you what you expect and want from a woman, just as I have tried to share here with you. It's time to clear the air and put it all on the table, why hold anything back now hell it's make or break time. So, I guess that's what I'm doing, and I would love for you to do the same. It's the only way I see it working, anyway. We need to improve in our communication and make sure that the other knows what we expect and what we want. Do you agree?

 

I want to see the committment on your part, not just hear about it. Words mean very little to me, now. I'm interested in actions. I am willing to give you the same security and outward proof of committment with me. So I think I'm being fair.

 

I hope you don't take it as me "barking out orders". But you called me, and you appear to have made the decision that you want to be with me. And, although I am cautiously happy, I do come with some 'conditions' now. And I guess I am no longer willing to compromise those. Maybe you also have some conditions and expectations. If so, I would embrace those and work hard to meet them, just as any other couple would. As I said this is not a one way street starting and ending with me. I'm just as interested in giving as receiving.

 

If you need to take some time to think on all this, and make a decision as to whether or not this is something you are up for, please do that. I just ask that you tell me that, this time, and not just disappear. Okay? If you dont like all my things I'm wanting now, say it. Don't wait thinking I'll change, because I won't.

 

I love you. I am so very happy that I feel able to open up and talk to you and put myself on the line. Not many men are so easy to talk to. I hope you see these things as an open door for communication, and not an attack or something to take offense to.

 

Thanks for listening. Feel free to respond to anything I've said, or add your own ideas as far as what we are doing. I am willing to hear you and very interested in what you feel and what you think. I'll talk to you later on.

 

 

INPUT ANYONE???????? THOUGHTS? GOOD OR BAD?

Salt

[k33]

Absolutely awesome! You told it like it is, but you do have to stick to your guns now, which can be hard. But I think you will end up getting what you want out of this.

 

Did you read the "I used to miss him book..", I've got it and am going through it right now.

 

You laid it out there my friend, I can't wait to hear his reply...

 

Great job saying exactly what you want... I just might bookmark it in case my ex/whatever wants to patch things up.... I will give you full credit!

 

Take care and again great job!!!!

k33

[want her back]

I'm obviously not a psychologist, but my take is that he is 24/25 years old, and one day he woke up (As many that age do, that is my age) anyways he woke up one day and probably was like "I'm only 24, maybe there are things I am missing out in my life etc." I would expect that to be one of the main reasons for his 2 week absense. However, nobody deserves to be treated that way, that is both scary and disrespectful to not call or contact you for that long.

 

I can sort of relate to his position, as I'm also trying to win back a girl, but I will tell you I have done (in my opinion) alot more than what he has. Yes, at first I tried calling her and visiting her, crying to hear, pleading how I can change. I took her out to a really really expensive restaurant on a sort of date, i bought her flowers, I have written her several notes, I have called and expressed my feelings with her mom, and I call her friends on a regular basis to express my feelings to them and get their opinion. I'm not just trying to win her back, I'm also trying to win over everyone in her life.

 

My point of that story is that, I don't see this guy making an extreme amount of effort for you right now. Your email you sent him was good, and I'd be interested to hear what he replies, but as of now he has not proven he is willing to change, and he has also not even made much effort to make up for his hiatus. At this point I caution you, in that I'm not convinced he really knows what he wants. It sounds to me, one day he woke up with cold feet, and after a couple days away realized he was very dependent on you, and was scared to not be with you. At this point, he needs to make it clearer that you are what he wants, and that you are absolutely sure. So I caution you before you jump back in to the relationship, to ask yourself, is he really the one YOU want? And, do you really believe him right now?

 

Should he make a strong effort to chase after you, and shouuld you decide to pick things up together again, I also warn you to not get too comfortable. And to continue to do things for yourself. Guys have a tendency to mess up (as I have), but sometimes you don't realize what you have until you lose it. And perhaps this is what he has realized.

 

My final comment is to recognize that his age I believe is a strong factor in what has happened, for that I think you need to think about if you really want to be with someone his age (someone who is prone to freak out randomly as he has).

 

So, make sure you ask YOURSELF, is he the right one for me?

[Mun]

I like the "Fem-nazi" thing....funny.

 

I asked who paid for diner for a few reasons.

I dated a younger guy awhile back and I think there are some things you need to keep in mind so that it will be successful.

 

1. Even though you are older you are not his mommy. Don't behave as such. He is a man and should be treated as your lover not a son. ( this goes for any man but more important if he is younger )Don't tell him to look both ways before crossing street or to put coat on cause its cold--he knows.

2. He is the "man of the house" even if you are older.. he still has responsibilities. (if you live together)

3. He is courting you. Even if he makes less money than you, he is in persuit of you and he should pay for the outings ( until you are married, engaged or very committed)

4. You are not his taxi service or bank account... self explanatory.

 

If you want to read a really good book that will help you with dating try : Why Men Love B**ches

[saltwatergirl]

Reaction:

 

He was "offended" by it.....he says its a "blueprint" and that Clearly the girl I fell in love with is no longer there. " Said it's the coldest thing I've ever said to him. No feelings whatsoever. I really dont think it was written that way, I tried to be very polite, and take equal responsibility.

 

He said That I was never a high maintenance type girl (dont think I would be now either) and that was one of the things he loved about me, and with this new attitude, he's just not sure anymore" .....That' it read like a job application and he doesnt approach relationships with rules and expectations and standards.....and now he's going to have to "consider the new information" as he put it. He added "just so you know, I"m very upset about this email and offended by it, and now I just don't know....I'll call you tomorrow.

 

Salt

[Mun]

You have every right to state what you will and will not put up with in a relationship Saltwatergirl. I have a feeling maybe your bf doesn't want to do any work here. So far he was getting it pretty easy, but now that you want something more from him he is no longer as interested.

 

Be careful, keep going for what YOU want, you will be happier than if you settle for less.

[k33]

Putz. I think your email was great, it had some humor and some tough stuff. I'd just hang in there continue to do your thing, the ball is so totally in his court right now. If he wants to step up great, if not. I guess it says a lot.

 

I'm sorry he didn't jump at your suggestion. I would have, if I were him. Keep us updated!

 

Men... can't live with them can't shoot em!

 

k

[spiderman_56]

lol ... I have been in the same exact situation , the only different thing was the age gap and that doesn't matter in this case. The truth is that like my ex/gf ?! u r the emotional type and ur bf like me is a natural jerk.

I'm 23 but in reality I think and act like i am 19, but the thing is that in certain situation and eventually in the end u have to grow up and MAN up which is a very difficult task, u have to ressemble all those strong , wise male figures , strict but still compassionate , emotional but also strong that all women salivate over and kiss goodbye to the immature lasting childhood ... how sad

 

The reason why I/he was upset was that it feels like the woman u knew before is not the same one after all the things that happened and it's a stronger woman , a women with standards and rules, it's a woman that can still love but kick ur ass to the curb and that's different from the 'woman who can't hurt and do as it pleases u' and that's a scary thaught cuz he may think that he will screw up and be rejected again...when u were easy on him he screwep and now that there r rules/conditions ....there r more chances to screw up.

 

3 years is a long time , a time too long 4 2 ppl who have no true feelings to stick together... I think u have done ur part and it's time to do his part .... as i much hate it (and probably all the guyz) women are not shoes or game console , they must be pampered , taken care and after time passes , guyz tend to forget that but it doesn't mean that we do not love u girls

The truth is that he needs to grow up and MAN up and on that, there is nothing u can do , he must decide how far he wants to go now u have grown up , u r not the same as b4 and he should step up if he wants to be with u .

 

how things happened is that no contact took 4 months (i was out of town , no mcuh could have been done if i wanted to anywayz) and then things went it very slow ... he needs to get a life , forget about u 4 some time and get a life and then be the man u have fallen in love with ...and him not seein u often will put more "value" to u and then slowly, uncouscioulsy he will do all the things that u said because u will be a prize to be conquered and he will start beein the man u want him to be without him even realising it .

 

lol ...i'm done , I think i have been very soft and very forgiving on him but when i was in the same situation , i was socially treated as a jerk and considered as taking advantage of an innocent girl ... but on the other hand i really love/loved her even though my actions tended to prove otherwise ...

in the end everything worked out fine ....i hope it will do the same for u

[saltwatergirl]

well,

 

He called again tonite, we chatted a few minutes (nothing remotely connected to anything important).. So I say "well i'm gonna go now" He said "Oh, ok, well I can take a hint......."

 

AUGH

 

I'm through. He is clearly not able to do the things he needs to do, or worse yet it just simply isn't worth it to him. So in the end he managed to twist it around to make it all somehow fall onto me........

 

With that last sentence he left it up to ME to initiate further contact.......when it ISNT on ME. I dont know how it got twisted like this. But I am done.

 

Salt

[k33]

I can take a hint??? He needs to get a clue. Putz. Take the turkey out of the oven he's done!

 

Let us know if you need anything ... ups and downs are hard.

[donefor79]

I am going through an in b/w period with my g.f. and really think things are coming to an end. What is the best way to go No contact after 2 yrs together?? I always seem to give in!!!!

thanks