Thoughts of getting back together

[Nappyloxs]

Okay, I randomly think of the day my ex. may call or email and want to "talk."

 

So I am sure that I have the same scenario as all of you.

 

1) I never see or hear from her again. This is the one I think is most probable, except I am sure I will bump into her somewhere. This is the scenario I would like most.

 

2) She calls because someone dumped her and she is looking for a crutch. I have been there before with a previous ex. and pray that I have learned my lesson on that one. Click.

 

3) She just wants to see how I am doing. I don't think she should be entitled to know.

 

4) She wants to "talk." This is the one that scares me. Hopefully, I will be with someone else when this happens, because if I'm not I would "listen."

 

My therapist asked me why on earth would I even want to talk to her after all the crap she put me through. She said that I won't be really healed until, I know I would not give my ex. another chance.

 

I know my ex. treated my like crap and was very disrespectful. I was tired at the end of the relationship. I know the relationship was unhealthy and wrong.

 

Yet, why would I even consider taking her back???

 

I know my ex. and I know she is not going to change for me or to be with me. Why even allow myself to give her the benefit of the doubt?

 

I generally feel good about my healing process except for this point. I am into online dating, going out more, focusing on work and working out, booked a trip to Vegas with my best friends.

 

Yet, she is still there in the back of my mind.

[sunday2010]

Know how you feel this happening to me ,3 months out wow I thought it would be better by now i guess it woudl help if my online dating wa sgetting better and I was going places and I had a a new boyfriend but surprise surprise I don't seem to...

 

I do have events planned blah blah but ye smy ex still enters my head

[KileOriginal]

I think its obvious you shouldn't think too much about it, and should not open the door to her again.

 

But having said that, what did she do to you?

[Nappyloxs]

I think its obvious you shouldn't think too much about it, and should not open the door to her again.

 

But having said that, what did she do to you?

 

What did she do to me??? What didn't she do. There was so much over the last 3 years. I keep remembering new stuff every day.

 

When we lived together, she ended up treating it like a roommate situation. Wouldn't help me if I was broke. I am talking about $50 to be exact. Asked me for money when she tossed all hers into savings. Called me names, never had faith in me. Always want me to be "Joe Handyman." Only cared about her.

 

Her are a few stories (other can be found by looking up past posts from last year)

 

1) When she moved into her new house. I was the one helping her move, shop, hang everything up, put everything together. So she was getting a washer and dryer delivered. She got made at me when I said I couldn't be there for its delivery as she was suppose to work. So she ended up having some co-workers help her. The next day, her and I, woke up to cook these guys breakfast. The whole time I was helping her, I didn't get anything, except "you are my boyfriend, you are suppose to do this" every time she wanted me to do something.

 

2) On two occasions, she refused to take me to the airport as it was an inconvenience for her to wake up hour or 30 minutes earlier.

 

3) Left dancing with me to dance with some other guy on the dance floor. And when confronted about it, "oh I was drunk" and "I don't remember"

 

4) She has dumped me probably 10 times just this year. The final time being one week after her birthday when I "gave her the best birthday gift ever."

 

5) She always listened to her friends over me. So much so that she would literally quote what her friends would say. Her two biggest influences were two ladies in there 40s. (No offense to people 40 and up). My ex is in her late 20's. The first one is controlling and manipulating. She likes to interfere with others relationship. She has a long history of doing so. They actually are no longer friends. The other is a co-worker who cheats on her husband left and right.

 

There was really just so much. Don't get me wrong, I had my flaws too. I was far from Mr. Perfect, but I was not disrespect her and just did not pull the crap she did.

[itsallgrand]

Just let her float there, then, in the back of your mind. That's ok. Just don't give it too much importance that those thoughts are there.

 

Of course you are gonna think about her. Maybe even, for the rest of your life! Not like now, and not like before, but every now and then. But once you are "healed" (it's really not some magical moment like a preacher slapping you on the head and suddenly you are HEALED, it's totally subtle so you barely notice it happens) - once you are healed, it won't bother you. That is the big difference. If you think of her, it'll be like any other normal thought. Which it is.

 

You think of her cause she was part of your life, and you cared. Normal, healthy, means you can bond with people!

 

Let the thoughts float. But don't let them be the last thing before you go to sleep, or when you wake up. Put boundaries on them. Like you would for other distracting thoughts in your life; indulge in moderation.

 

You are at the tormenting part; because things don't seem to make sense it doesn't seem it will stop. But it does; things will make sense again, your feelings won't always feel like they are pulling you one way and your head another. It takes time for it to sink in and percolate. So don't take the pot off while it's brewing midstream. That's how people end up burnt.

[blueeyedme]

4) She wants to "talk." This is the one that scares me. Hopefully, I will be with someone else when this happens, because if I'm not I would "listen."

 

This is my biggest challenge also...beyond that, I have pretty much let go and am moving on with my life. Going back to that craziness would be well, ...crazy...but unfortunately, I know I would listen.

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks.

 

I guess I just don't like that she has done so much crap to me and I know I would listen.

 

With that being said, I realize now I am co-dependent and that she is a narcissist. Types that often are together.

 

Now I am working on overcome my co-dependence. This allows me to better myself which I think helps. Even if it is just keeping my mind of off her.