How to get a guy to Open up???

[MeltedError]

Ok...here is my dillema....I like this guy who is VERY VERY shy.....But also kinda depressed I guess? Well he never wants to leave his house...and he just sits around playing games online...We are not dating..but I hung out at his house...flirted with him and he eventually opened up more the next day. I slept over...I didn't do anything with him...but I took my fingers and rubbed his back lightly with them....so that he could relax and not be so tense. It helped him go to sleep. See he is such a sweet guy...but he is 29 and I guess he has been through alot in life than I have. I am 22. See I just wonder if there is a way to get him out of the house more. I really want to get to know him cause I look at him as a potential boyfriend...if it ever gets to that level...and I don't mean by talking to him online or hanging out with him at his house while he is on the computer the whole time. I know there is potential...I know maybe he can open up a little bit more...but I don't know what to do to help him come out of his shell. I mean I am not trying to change him in ANY way at all...I just want him to experience life more..from the outside...not from a computer screen all day.

[hurtbylove]

wow, that is great that you are spending time to help him get out and do stuff more.

 

I think it's a rare girl that would do that for a guy, most would probably see him as a loser and just move on for a more exciting dude.

 

Just spend more time with him and he will gain confidence in himself.

 

You sound like a great girl.

 

I sit around looking at a computer screen, but not really by choice. If I had a girl I would be with her instead but she left me.

 

Time to go turn my life around 8)

[Trigve]

hm... and you like him why? how did you guys meet

 

 

I'd say just go ahead and flirt with him until he either pays more attention to you than his computer or tells you off. what do you got to lose, from the sound of it he'd be lucky to have you (or any other girl for that matter..)

[Meow18]

Just out of curiosity, have you ever asked him to something, like go to a movie or something? Its kind of weird that he won't leave his house, even if you have invited him to do something else. I can imagine that it will be hard to tear him away from his computer games if thats all he does. I think for now just going over to his house more & just talking to him will get him to open up to you. It seems that he is starting to become more open with you so far. Some people are just like that, they need to hang out with someone a lot before they can be thenselves around them. About getting him out of the house, maybe start talking about a movie you really want to see, sound really interested in it. Ask him if he thinks it sounds interesting. Then say something like "I really would like to see it, would you want to see it with me?". If he agrees, then maybe on the day you go see the movie, ask if he would like to get something to eat before or after. It seems that he's really shy, so just take it one step at a time.

[Turboz]

MeltedError,

 

Why aren't there more like you? - You know what I'd give to have a woman like you around that cares? - They don't exist around these parts.

 

You sound like 1 in a million. Whoever he is he's very lucky - or rich.

 

Just hang in there be friendly and see what happens. If he's been hurt (and believe me we shy depressed men have usually suffered really bad) then he's going to take a while to even start to trust you. Don't expect too much too soon but just remember though he maybe somewhat depressed there is still a real human with real feelings under that depressed exterior. Underneath may be the nicest, most caring and least recognised person you've ever met.

 

GD!

 

-Turboz.

[MeltedError]

Well yeah....I mean I talked to him about music that we like...I really liked that talk..cause we like alot of the same music...and I realized the next day he was more flirtatious...he would play with my hair...and try to crack my back lol. It was funny....I think I should definitly hang out with him more...the only thing that is hard is that he works like all week out of state...he is an engineer of some sort...so he is always traveling....So I would only get to see him on weekends which is good..cause I don't want to over do it. Ya know? Maybe I should ask him to go see a movie...I definitly want him to open up more....Sometimes I get scared he doesnt like me cause I am 22 and he is 29 and sometimes I feel maybe he thinks he is smarter or knows better cause he is older...not saying he thinks that..but that is me just worrying too much...what do you guys think? About if a guy is older...do they usually think the girl is stupid if they are younger?

[CarterJonas]

You sound like a sincere and caring person.

 

Whatever kind of person he is, there are different ways you can help break him out of his shell.

 

A great way to encourage someone to warm up is to gradually become closer. Don't expect him to open up to you right away; it may take him some time to feel comfortable. He will eventually feel at home with you if you proceed with patience and care.

 

Reassure/Flatter him. Positive reinforcement will always work in your favor, and will bring him closer to that edge of comfort. For example if he has a fantastic sense of humour, tell him so.

 

Make gradual introductions. If he's comfortable with you but clams up as soon as you throw him into a new crowd of people, start by introducing him to a minimal amount of friends at a time. Going out with a new social circle can be intimidating for even the most confident person.

 

Listen to him. If you have trouble getting him to open up, ask about his interests and things you know he's passionate about. He might just need that little push to get going. By being an attentive listener, it'll encourage him to open up and chat away, and he'll gain your trust.

 

With regards to the age issue, it shouldn't be a problem. Just see how it goes.

 

good luck

[Trigve]

with the age thing, sometimes I do think some younger girls can act kind of dumb, but because of that I'm also much more confident with them, so it seems like the age thing would only help you here, if you're trying to get him to be more comfortable.

[mtastic]

You sound like a great person to be taking the time to get to know this guy. I think you should just keep doing what you're doing for right now, visit him every so often so he gets more comfortable around you, then maybe invite him out for a movie or lunch or something like that. I'm sure he will appreciate that. He might even want to ask you out somewhere but be a little scared to because of past experiences, or simply because he hans't been out on a date in a long time. Also, like CarterJonas said, try to flatter and compliment him often, he might be kind of insecure since he is so shy (can't say for sure, but know in my case that is a big problem), and your complimenting him will probobly help bring him out of his shell a bit by reenforcing, and perhpas for him confirming, the fact that you like him. Also, I'm sure just the fact that your taking time to give him some attention has put you very high in his mind.

Good Luck